Verse 58 - Living Untroubled by Good or Bad Fortune

Re: Verse 58 - Advice from Dr Dyer

Re: Verse 58 - Advice from Dr Dyer

Re: Verse 58 - Jonathan Star

From Tao Te Ching - The Definitive Edition by Jonathan Star

When the ruler knows his own heart
          the people are simple and pure
When he meddles with their lives
          they become restless and disturbed

Bad fortune, yes -
          it rests upon good fortune
Good fortune, yes -
          it hides within bad fortune
Oh the things that Heaven sends -
          Who can know their final aim?
          Who can tell of their endless ways?
Today the righteous turn to trickery
Tomorrow the good turn to darkness
Oh what delusion abounds
          and every day it grows worse!

But the Sage is here upon the Earth
          to gently guide us back
He cuts but does not harm
He straightens but does not disrupt
He illumines but does not dazzle

Re: Verse 58 - The Tao of Emerson

From The Tao of Emerson by Richard Grossman

From James Legge - The Texts of Taoism, 1891

The government that seems the most unwise,
Oft goodness to the people best supplies;
That which is meddling, touching everything,
Will work but ill, and disappointment bring.


Misery ! - happiness is to be found by its side !
Happiness ! - misery lurks beneath it !
Who knows what either will come to in the end ?


Shall we then dispense with correction ?
The method of correction shall by a turn
          become distortion,
and the good in it shall by a turn become evil.
The delusion of the people on this point
          has indeed subsisted for a long time.


Therefore the sage is like a square,
Which cuts no one with its angles;
Like a corner, which injures no one with its sharpness.
He is straightforward, but allows himself no license;
He is bright, but does not dazzle.

From Ralph Waldo Emerson's Essays - “Lecture on the Times”, “New England Reformers”, “Politics”, “Compensation”

Our time is too full of activity and performance.
The world is governed too much;
Things have their laws, as well as man;
          and refuse to be trifled with.


In changing moon, in tidal wave,
Glows the feud of Want and Have,
Mountain tall and ocean deep
Trembling balance duly keep.


An inevitable dualism bisects nature.
The reaction, so grand in the elements,
          is repeated within small boundaries.
Every excess causes a defect;
Every defect an excess.
Every sweet hath its sour, every evil its good.


A wise man will extend this lesson
          to all parts of life;
When he is pushed, tormented, defeated,
He has a chance to learn something,
          is cured of the insanity of conceit,
          has got moderation and real skill.

Re: Verse 58 - The Tao of Motherhood

From The Tao of Motherhood by Vimala McClure

58


Healthy Parenting

Healthy parenting can be a 
challenge if your own childhood
wasn't healthy.  It requires energy,
attention, and constant restraint.
These all come naturally from
healthy parent-child bonds.

If the parenting you received was
rigid, abandoning, or inconsistent,
you may find yourself exhausted
by your children.  Realize that you
need healing.  Take time out to
nurture yourself.

You can make the choice to be a
healthy parent.  You can learn how
to trust what is happening and
behave appropriately.  You can find
a healthy model and follow it.

Unhealthy parenting disables
with wounds that are hard to heal.
Right mothering is a potent
healer, readily available to the
natural wounds of life.

Re: Verse 58 - Stephen Mitchell & Byron Katie

From Stephen Mitchell - tao te ching - A New English Version

If a country is governed with tolerance,
the people are comfortable and honest.
If a country is governed with repression,
the people are depressed and crafty.

When the will to power is in charge,
the higher the ideals, the lower the results.
Try to make people happy,
and you lay the groundwork for misery.
Try to make people moral,
and you lay the groundwork for vice.

Thus the Master is content
to serve as an example
and not to impose her will.
She is pointed, but doesn't pierce.
Straightforward, but supple.
Radiant, but easy on the eyes.

From Byron Katie - A Thousand Names For Joy - Living in Harmoney with the Way Things Are

                                                    Try to make people moral,
                                                    and you lay the groundwork for vice.

Being present means living without control and always having your needs met.  For people who are tired of the pain, nothing could be worse than trying to control what can't be controlled.  If you want real control, drop the illusion of control.  Let life live you.  It does anyway.  You're just telling the story about how it doesn't, and that's a story that can never be real.  You didn't make the rain or the sun or the moon.  You have no control over your lungs or your heart or your vision or your breath.  One minute you're fine and healthy, the next minute you're not.  When you try to be safe, you live your life being very, very careful, and you may wind up having no life at all.  Everything is nourishment.  I like to say, “Don't be careful; you could hurt yourself”.

You can't make people moral.  People are what they are, and they'll do what they do, with  or without our laws.  Remember the Prohibition amendment?  I hear that it was passed by well-intentioned, moral people, who just wanted to save the rest of us from the temptation of alcohol.  Of course it failed, because sobriety can come only from the inside.  You can't force people to be sober or honest or kind.  You can say “Thou shalt not” till you're blue in the face, and they'll do it anyway.

The best way, the only effective way, is to serve as an example and not to impose your will.  I used to try to make my children moral by telling them what they should do, what they shouldn't do, what they should like, what they shouldn't like.  In my confusion, I was trying to be a good mother, and I thought that this was the way to make them good people.  When they didn't do what I wanted, I would shame or punish them, believing that it was for their own good.  So in reality what I taught them was to break my laws and be very careful not to get caught.  I taught them that the way to have peace in our home was to sneak and lie.  Many of the things I was teaching them not to do I had done myself and hadn't admitted to them, and some of the things I was still doing even as they watched.  I expected them not to do these things simply because I said so.  It didn't work  It was a recipe for confusion.

I lost my children twenty years ago.  I came to see that they were never mine to begin with.  That was an extreme loss: they truly died to me.  I discovered that who I thought they were had never existed at all.  And my experience of them now is more intimate than I can describe.  Today, when my children ask me what they should do, I say, “I don't know, honey”.  Or, “Here's what I did in a similar situation, and it worked for me.  And you can always know that I'm here to listen and that I'm always going to love you, whatever decision you make.  You'll know what to do.  And also, sweetheart, you can't do it wrong.  I promise you that”.  I finally learned to tell my children the truth.

It's painful to think you know what's best for your children.  It's hopeless.  When you think that you need to protect them, you're teaching anxiety and dependence.  But when you question your mind and learn how not to be mentally in your children's business, finally there's an example in the house: someone who knows how to live a happy life.  They notice that you have your act together and that you're happy, so they start to follow.  You have taught them everything they know about anxiety and dependence, and now they begin to learn something else, something about what freedom looks like.

That's what happened with my children.  They just don't see a lot of problems anymore, because in the presence of someone who doesn't have a problem, they can't hold on to one.  If your happiness depends on your children being happy, that makes them your hostages.  I think I'll just skip them, and be happy from here.  That's a lot saner.  It's called unconditional love.

Why would I give my children advice when I can't possibly know what's best for them?  If what they do brings them happiness, that's what I want; if it brings them unhappiness, that's what I want, because they learn from that what I could never teach them.  I celebrate the way of it, and they trust that, and I trust it. 

Re: Verse 58 - Dr Dyer's Essay

The world of the 10,000 things is also called “the world of the changing”.  You see it in your ever-altering life, even as you want everything to be stable and predictable.  However, all things on our planet are in constant motion.  As Albert Einstein once observed, “Nothing happens until something moves”.  This 58th verse of the Tao Te Ching stresses that there's another way to see the world, one that virtually guarantees that you'll be untroubled by good or bad fortune.  Instead of only noticing the constantly shifting energy pattern of the material world, this verse invites you to let yourself focus on the unchanging Tao.

Like most humans, you probably want your surroundings to be permanent, steady, reliable, secure, and predictable.  However, your reality unequivocally insists that you take into account the opposite and unpredictable that are present in every experience you have.  After all, even the landscape that surrounds you is far from orderly:  Mountain ranges go up and then down into valleys.  Trees tower over shrubs, and cloud formations are ominously black at times and fluffy white at others.  In every perfectly sunny day, there's a storm hiding, and in every rainstorm lies a drought waiting its turn.  Up and down and the unexpected are the norm of nature; hills and dales are the way of the 10,000 things.

Change your view of the peaks and valleys of all of life to an attitude that allows you to discover what's hidden in both of those experiences.  Begin to see wholeness rather than good or bad fortune.  See opposites as parts of oneness, rather than disrupting surprises.  In a world of pure Taoist unity, there's no good or bad luck; it's indivisible.  What you're calling “bad” fortune has “good” just waiting to emerge because it's the other half.

Re: Verse 58 - Living Untroubled by Good or Bad Fortune

I think this verse will “stick” with me a long time.  Perhaps it is just “good” timing.  My husband and I were recently discussing the economy and I was able to incorporate this thinking into a response to some comment by him -
“When things seem to be barreling along at an all time high, we should expect some contraction to be coming.  When things seem to be headed towards the bottom, we can expect that they will begin climbing upward again.”

Nothing to add to what is below.  But to my mind, here is another example of this verse, which came out of my “mom's group” yesterday.  It is that we can never assume what we've experienced before.  Life is a constantly changing set of circumstances and in every moment lies some kind of opportunity -

Subject: Witnessed aftermath of murder/suicide today with kids in car

Hi all,

I was driving into a McDonald's this afternoon to get a coffee. Sam, Hanna and Sara were in the car with me. As I drove around the back side of the store, there was a woman laying face down on the sidewalk - purse nearby. I continued driving to the drivethru, processing what I was seeing. As I stopped to help, a guy opened the store door and motioned me to keep moving. I pointed / he waved. I moved on, realizing that she was laying in a pool of blood.

I left.

As I was going down the freeway moments later, I saw multiple police cars flying by. I knew something wasn't right. Then a few moments later, I saw a car on the shoulder of the road - 2 police cars behind. The door was open. In the middle lane was a cop, getting out of his car with a shotgun. I bolted by.

I saw on the news tonight. The couple was meeting at McDonalds - she was going to break the relationship. He drove up, shot her, drove away and then shot himself.

She had a 9 yr old dd.

Sam is upset. So am I. There were two delays that kept me from being at McDonalds 2 minutes earlier. Sam's friend forgot something in our car, and a turn signal into that store took forever to change. Yes, I believe in divine intervention.

~Shelly
_________________________________________________________
RE: Subject: Witnessed aftermath of murder/suicide today with kids in car

Shelly,

Wow.  No words.  But I believe too, in divine intervention.  Thank God for you and yours.
 
Deborah
_________________________________________________________
RE: Subject: Witnessed aftermath of murder/suicide today with kids in car

Thanks Deborah, I just get creeped out - 2 minutes and we would have been at the shooting. I'm rattled at work today. It was a tough night, with Hanna having a nightmare minutes after falling asleep and Sam not wanting to be alone. We had a co-sleeping arrangement last night. Time will tell whether any of the girls is seriously impacted. There's no doubt they each saw that woman.
 
~Shelly
_________________________________________________________
RE: Subject: Witnessed aftermath of murder/suicide today with kids in car

Shelly,

This is so important a point that, I feel compelled to respond to you, through our group.

There is no doubt that they did see it, don’t pretend that they didn’t.  They and you will have to each process it in their/your own way.  A hard realization is this – you cannot protect yourself or your children from the unexpected in life. 

You expected only to order some food.  We do it all the time ourselves, run through the McDonald’s drive-through.  I have noticed that often these kinds of events occur in such places.  It is the intent of evil to shake our feeling of security in the routine.

Life is not only sweetness and light, it is dark despair.  You have an opportunity - not to ignore what you have all seen.  I would recommend that you take control of it, by giving it context, in a dinner time discussion.

Talk about the selfishness of the act.  Talk about the feelings of the one who died, they only wanted to make a better life for themselves.  Talk about how they probably knew the one who did the killing was “dangerous” and so, sought safety in a public space.  In hindsight, perhaps she should have taken out a restraining order but perhaps she already had.  The only safe place for dealing with such a person is to put them behind bars; but not all such people are apprehended in time, to prevent loss of life.

As girls, you can prepare your daughters to take feelings of threat and danger from men they meet, as they grow to maturity, very seriously.  Never think getting hit once is all there will be.  Never think talk of violence is just going back over a TV show or movie, take it as a sign of interest in such displays of power and alignment with that negative energy.

You cannot protect yourself or your children from the dark side of life but you can prepare them not to be victims of it.  You can teach them evasive action.  Do not think not talking about it will make it go away, it won’t.  Talk about it and put it into context – including how many people as a percentage live safe and normal lives – perhaps 99%.  Yes, it is sad, yes, it is unfortunate for the family affected but it doesn’t mean it will happen to you or your daughters or that it has to happen to you or your daughters.

What your daughters are seeking is to understand that it isn’t something that happens to most people every day but they need to understand that it is something that happens to those who get themselves into such situations.

All of this just flowed through my fingers and heart in response to your words.  I hope it is of some help to you and your daughters – somehow.  I hope that no one else in this group needs such advice but life would indicate to me otherwise.

Deborah