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He who angers you conquers you. - Elizabeth Kenny
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to
forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on. - Bill Cosby
Managing Anger by Seeing the Unseen Cause
by Mike C. Powers
Like many fields of therapy that deal with emotional problems, anger onthe surface seems to be nothing more than an exasperated emotion. A person gets mad and we assume either he has anger management issues or there was something legitimate that elicited the response.
Even in people who have difficulty managing anger, there is usually
something that triggers it, no matter how irrational the trigger might be perceived. So in this article, we are going to talk about all the different cause of anger and the many ways it is elicited in people.
However, we are not going to talk about the obvious causes, like someone violating your personal space or possession or something bad happening.
We can all agree that these are all valid reasons, even for a person who rarely gets angry, to become angry.
Instead, we are going to focus on the not so obvious triggers; those
that set us off without us really being aware as to why. These are the
unseen, hidden reasons we don't realize that get us heated, livid, and outraged.
Listed below are 6 of the more common unseen cause of anger that can throw us into a fiery emotional state and a brief discussion of each. By seeing what sets you off, you can be more level-headed when similar circumstances arise, allowing you to have a better grasp of the feelings.
1. Overwhelmed
Getting overwhelmed is one of the main cause of anger. It is seen in
people who have difficulty handling the day-to-day stresses in their
lives. They lack the ability to deal with stress, which causes them to get overwhelmed. These overwhelming feeling make them feel trapped and unsure of what to do, so they lash out.
These people easily shout and blow their top at someone or something because that's the only way they know how to release the build-up of the overwhelmed feelings.
2. Retaliatory
Retaliating at a person who is angry at you is another cause of anger. The reaction is a direct response to someone getting angry at you. That is, you get heated for no other reason than the mere fact someone else is mad at you.
This is no doubt a defense mechanism reaction to another person's
frustration with you, which you threatens your well being, especially if you believe there is no cause or reason for the other person to be mad at you.
If you are the type who gets defensive or offended easily, you more than likely retaliate against people who are angry at you by you getting angry yourself. The problem here is, when two retaliatory angry people get into it with each other, the confrontation can and tends to escalate into something dangerous really fast.
3. Paranoid
Paranoia can also be a source of anger in people, specially those that feel they are being taken advantage of. These people don't necessarily need to be taken advantage of to trigger anger, they just need to feel as though they are.
It is normal for anyone to get upset if someone is trying to take
advantage of you, but paranoid people go too far. When a they see a sign, any sign, whether or not it is rational, that suggests someone is trying to pull a fast one on them, they defend themselves against the hurt feelings by erupting into anger.
These people usually have trust issues and low self-esteem, which causes them to get easily offended and insulted by other people's actions, which they express through anger.
4. Threatened
Being threatened is a huge trigger for people. This is usually exhibited when an action or setting goes against or “threatens” someone. The threat could be anything. It could be a person, circumstance, or event that jeopardizes what someone has planned or what they want to have happen.
That someone will get angry for two reasons. First, they will get upset for not getting what they want, and second, they will use anger as a way to flex their muscle to take back control over the situation. Their anger is a way to communicate to the party causing the threat that something is amiss which requires immediate attention and/or remedy.
5. Judgmental
Getting judgmental is another trigger that can spark anger. When you judge someone or some situation, your judgment can easily get you all worked up. Prejudice people are the most guilty of this. They often pre-judge people and circumstances, and when their pre-judgment is mean and spiteful, it is but natural that temper and rage consumes them.
6. Chronic
There is nothing that triggers chronically angry people to be annoyed, irritated, or mad. They are just unrelentingly angry and look for any and every reason to be so. They find reasons in their lives, with themselves, with the people around them, and the whole world in general.
Chronically angry people have no definite cause for feeling the way they do. They, more or less, are addicted to the feeling of anger, so they remain in that state for no apparent reason at all.
Now that you have seen some of the unseen and lesser know cause of anger that put us into a fumingly heated state of mind, review them in detail and figure out which of them elicit anger in you.
Are you easily overwhelmed, do you needlessly get defensive, do you have trust issues, do you get angry when things don't go your way, are you unreasonably judgmental, or are you just chronically angry with no legitimate cause for your ill state?
Once you know what sets you off, learn ways to cope with it. Find an outlet that neither harms you or others. Deep breathing, Emotional Freedom Technique, and exercising are some of the many useful anger management tips that can help you in managing anger. Also, there are some anger management tips that teach you how to release tension and calm yourself through meditation.
Remember, you may not be able to completely change a person or a
situation, but what you can change is the way that you deal with your feelings by learning how to react positively to it and not letting it get the better of you.
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