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One of the concepts that really resonated with me
in Chicago was the idea of Extreme Self-Care which
is a program of Cheryl Richardson's. There were 2
presenters that I attended in Chicago who were not
openly promoting a book but simply speaking there
from Spirit - Richardson and Michael Bernard Beckwith.
Beckwith used his time to amplify the energy and
definitely one could feel the results. Beyond that,
he told great stories.
Cheryl spent her time emanting gentleness and love
and doing therapy. I was so impressed by simply the
words ”The Art of Extreme Self-Care” that I decided
to order the audio book. I was so impressed with the
audio book, that I created a mini-support group of
my daughter, my sister and 2 friends. However, due
to my love for this group, I will share our year long
journey here, and if you want to join us through this
space, please consider this an invitation to do so. The
first month's exercise is so simple, you do not even
need the book to proceed. Below is what I wrote to
my group yesterday, on our openning day.
Dear A-ESC (Art of Extreme Self-Care group) I hope
you have started your concept project for this month
– END THE LEGACY OF DEPRIVATION. The challenge is
to “become skilled at seeing the ways – big and small –
that you deprive yourself of what you need. You alone
are responsible for over-giving. No one else says Yes,
overbooks your schedule or makes the needs of others
a priority but you. The gift in owning this reality is that
you also own the power to change it.” If the choices
you make leave you feeling deprived, with an awareness
of this, you can make new choices in those circumstances
or at least own the realization that you “want” to do
whatever it is, for whatever reason and perhaps even
question the reason.
For our project here - I bought a Green 3-1/2” x 5-1/2” Mead
Leatherette Journal with ruled paper for $5.97 at WalMart.
It has 192 pages, a storage pocket at the back, a bungee
closure and a ribbon bookmark. I had bought a larger one
for the Chicago conference in brown and found it perfect.
My personal business coach wanted me to have the color
Green as one of my ink colors for the planner I’m going to
begin developing, to gently allocate my days (most important
this includes at least one (or two) PERFECT day(s) for me to
[a] do what I want, [b] spend time with friends or family
enjoying myself, [c] etc – you get the idea). But the Green
pens meant not for my perfect days but for my POWER days
(when I’ll be making money or increasing my productivity).
I found some Green Sanford Uniball Micro pens at
http://www.villagesupplies.com and they were received in
only a few days. Not that you need green ink or a special
journal but beyond this Month One project, I will use this
and a Green pen for any A-ESC exercises that need writing
down.
I started writing in my journal (on Jul 1st) last night at 2am –
“I feel deprived of sleep” (2am 07/01/09) – though it is not
a part of the exercise, I thought time and date stamping
these might be helpful somehow. “I feel deprived of doing
my Holosync meditation” (2am 07/01/09) “I feel deprived
of eating my meals at reasonable times – ie breakfast at
11am, lunch at 2:45pm” (2:45pm 07/01/09) I think that the
purpose of this exercise is to get in tune with how we “feel”,
especially what we want from our life that we notice that
we are not getting. So, we feel “something vague” and we
check in with our self with the question – “What am I feeling
deprived of?” Ah, so that is it. Awareness comes.
I am doing a lot of work on my Anger emotion since returning
from the conference in Chicago. I have returned to a book
Anger and the Indigo Child by Dianne Lancaster that I never
finished reading. This book is NOT about the child being angry,
it is about the elder person being angry. I bought it when I
was going through a particularly difficult time with my son,
Simeon, at age 4-1/2. One little bit helped me a lot – “Anger
is a God given emotion meant to provoke change. It is meant
to be intense and not last long. One is to return to the
enduring emotion of Love as quickly as possible after expressing
Anger”. That helped but there is still the rapid fire flashing
outward of Rage and it shocks and scares me – with good reason.
While Anger is loving, Rage is dangerous – it is deadly, it is not
loving. So, I have taken on “myself” as a research subject and
I’m making great progress. But this is not what I mean to be
writing to you as we start our project today.
As I have picked up this book on Anger again, a section seemed
to me to fit in with our exercise this month. It is about needs
and I believe this exercise is about recognizing, validating and
honoring the needs we genuinely have.
___________________________________________________________
From p 59-60 – Hierarchy of Needs by Abraham Maslow
(written over 50 yrs ago). The Hierarchy implies that certain
basic needs must be met before we are free to pursue the
balance of our needs.
Level 1: Physiological
Food, air, water
Level 2: Safety
Security, order, shelter, stability
Level 3: Belonging & Love
Friendship, affectional relationships
Level 4: Self-esteem
Self-respect, achievement, esteem of others
Level 5: Self-actualization
Self-fulfillment, reaching your potential
Physiological and safety needs are related to absolute
survival. But the third tier represents the first human
need: LOVE. Because there are different kinds of love,
it is important to recognize the different ways that love
can be experienced.
Five Ways to Experience Love
Eros creates union
Filial creates family-type love
Agape creates friendship
Transpersonal creates empathy
for the human condition
Divine creates a sense of a higher
power/creator/God/loving presence
Even in a loving relationship, needs change. A relationship
that commences in an Eros manner may evolve into a
brother/sister relationship. One that begins as friends may
become Eros. Even in an ongoing relationship, the dynamics
of needs change. Sometimes the need is for a lover,
sometimes a friend, sometimes an advisor, and sometimes the
dominant need is for nurturing and comfort.
When one person’s needs change and the other person is
unable to accommodate the change, the relationship can
suffer unless both parties’ differing needs are addressed
immediately. Relationships also suffer if one or both persons
direct all of their needs into that one relationship. A single
relationship can meet certain needs, but not all of them.
It is each person’s responsibility to know his/her needs and
to create other relationships or interests to meet the needs
that the primary relationship cannot meet.
_________________________________________________________
I love each of you, whether you agree to join me on this
year-long journey or sit back and witness the ride. It is very
kind and generous of you to do either and it is my hope that
each of us will find ourselves expressing more love for this
person we are, at the end of this adventure, one year from now.
Deb
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