First Principles to Begin With

1) Principle: You cannot attract the love of your life if you’re still hung up on another lost love. There isn’t room enough for the two of them. There is a moral and emotional conflict. If you want your Soulmate to give you all his/her love, then you should do the same and have all your love (romantic love) saved up for this one person.

If you have not let go of that last “love of your life” then begin writing him or her “goodbye” letters. These are NOT to be sent, they are to privately mourn your loss, let go of the energy of your love for him or her, and to move on to a space of clarity and openness. Cry when you write if possible. Breathe deeply and let your heart FEEL the loss. Write and say over and over again, “I release you, I set you free. I turn our relationship over to God/The Universe/A Higher Power (etc.).”

2) Principle: You must be clear on exactly what you do and do not want to attract into your life.

Start making three lists and keep adding to those lists daily, or as you think of more items that you want to add. List 1: Characteristics My Soulmate Must Have, List 2: Characteristics My Soulmate Must NOT Have. Eventually make sure List 1 has all the positive statements to counteract List 2. For example, if List 2 has “Being sent to jail or charged with a crime” then make sure List 1 has “Total and complete integrity so that no one, especially me, would ever need to question his/her honesty.” Work with these lists until you feel very complete with them. Then throw away List 2 when you are sure that List 1 has every characteristic in the positive that you could ever want in a Soulmate.

List 3: Feelings I want to feel in the presence of my Soulmate. Write about the feelings you want to manifest that your Soulmate can bring out in you. This isn’t about codependence, this is about how you feel in the presence of another (you know…avoid negative people), it isn’t about FINALLY being happy. Sure you want to laugh with this person, but you laugh anyway, right? This is the icing on the cake! Again, you need to be clear about what you want to attract into your life and you want this person to not aggravate you or abuse you…so write about the feelings you DO WANT TO FEEL in her or his presence.

More in a few days! In Love & Light, Laurie

Re: First Principles to Begin With

Thank you Laurie for offering this.  In most aspects of my life, I have been content and successful, but this whole “soulmate” thing has been a great desire and mystery to me.
I have been coming to a better understanding of what I want out of life and out of a partner, but haven't made a list… yet
Thanks, Patrick

Re: First Principles to Begin With

Thanks for your reply, and you sound like you’re in the perfect place to manifest your Soulmate!! I hope these principles really work for you. Keep me up on your progress, please! Let me know if you have any questions, ideas, challenges, etc. In love and light, Laurie

Re: First Principles to Begin With

3) Principle: Your Soulmate exists in the here and now in your subconscious mind. There is no need to go looking for him or her. Use the power of your thoughts to manifest this relationship.

Stop looking for this person…stop going to the bars, stop asking people to set you up, stop doing the dating scene altogether. Stop putting it outside of yourself. You’ve started getting a sense of what this person feels like to you, how you feel around this person. Embrace those feelings…keep them with you as much as you consciously can.

Stop thinking “if only I had a partner to go do___ with” and DO IT ANYWAY. Hold the feeling of that person with you. Go out to eat alone and feel the presence of that amazing being that is right there with you. (When I did this, I actually had waiters set two place settings for me–without me even asking!) Affirm: I now have a perfect relationship with my Soulmate!

By now you may be feeling some resistance to this. It’s ok. I certainly did, lots of doubt that this would ever happen. I was somewhat skeptical, now I’m not. The problem is you have to have the faith that some day, some way, some how this person will arrive. Throw the plan out the window as to when/where/how. We don’t know these things and in the end they don’t matter one bit! Let yourself have your doubts, write about them and try to find the root of them. I had to realize that deep down I believed that marriage was a “trap” because that’s what my parents’ relationship felt like–to them, to us kids. WHO would want that? I had to work on redefining my OWN ideas of relationship and my idealistic love relationship. I agreed with myself that I was going to do it differently! It would be new and different and exciting and fun and loving and FREEING! I decided that one of the feelings I wanted to have while in the presence of my Soulmate was FREEDOM and I have that now!

Please write if you have questions, challenges, thought, ideas, comments, etc.

In LOVE and Light, Laurie

Re: First Principles to Begin With

Hi Laurie,

I was really attracted to your pod today and this is something that
I have been actively working on this last year, saying goodbye
to someone.  I feel like it is the last one I have to say goodbye to
and I am sure he is from a past life. 

So today I am writing the letter and will do so each day as I
have done this mentally but not physically, so I think writing the
words will be a big plus for me.  Thank you for your pod and your
principles and your heart sharing.  I know it is going to help me
to go on. 

Re: First Principles to Begin With

I've been in the process of releasing my last relationship for a few months – I love the idea of writing letters, and I'm going to do that – what I've been doing up to this point is a huge “decluttering” of my apartment and getting rid of papers and files that were his or that I associated with him, plus sentimental objects from trips we took together

he and I had a commitment ceremony a year after we became partners, and we wore gold rings – today I sold my ring, which feels like a huge step in releasing the relationship

I've also been realizing that it's not practical or necessarily even appropriate to get rid of everything I associate with him – for example, he gave me a couple of framed posters that I'm quite fond of – and he introduced me to other things that I still associate with him in some ways (like The West Wing and my digital camera) – up to a point, I have a sense that it's fine (wise, even) to acknowledge that our lives were connected at some point in the past and that it's part of my history – if I got rid of everything that I associated in any way with a past relationship, I'd be pretty much without possessions – where do you draw the line? with things that have a strong emotional charge?

also, I'm in a quandary about something and would appreciate some input – I have some stones from special places he and I went together – I also have a fluorite crystal (similar to one he has/had) that was part of a bonding ritual we did periodically during the early part of our relationship when we lived in different states – I'm not sure what to do with these things – I don't want to throw them in the trash – I'd prefer to return them to the earth somehow, but I don't want to put them anywhere where I go regularly because I don't want the energy of the relationship to be evoked when I go to those places – any thoughts?

Re: First Principles to Begin With

Thanks for the pod Laurie, I think its a brilliant idea as so many of us struggle with these issues.
Kira, maybe you cant decide what to do with those posessions because the time to do anything isnt yet. Maybe if you just let it ride or a while and reflect, the solution will come to you - possibly, Im not saying I know. Maybe you have them to remind you of places  you dont want to go with your future soulmate or where you can improve on the plan.
 I do think the writing things down idea is a good plan.
At the end of the day posessions are just that - posessions, and the values, are how we associate with them, whether that be financial or emotional we each have the key to perception.
My personal turning point was when I related this question to my children, not posessions of course but reminders. They are adults in their own rights now but I long ago realised that I had to let them make their own decisions and choices, I had no say after a certain point but recognised that the longer I worried the issues  around in my head, then the longer it was taking me to release myself from the past. They have grown well and I am a proud mum. It has been a hard road but I think I finally recognise that what we focus on grows so, if we focus with unknowing or fear, then we help it to grow that way but if we focus with love and recognise  experiences as teachers (and experiencing my children taught me so much) and are willing to learn then maybe we may just get somewhere.
As I said earlier, I dont know for sure but is just a thought.
Love.
Trish
PS. Kira well done on getting rid of the ring - that mustve taken some big deciding.

Re: First Principles to Begin With

Yeah, wow, I remember going through this, selling the ring…there is so much symbolism in letting go of that.  It took me a while…I had started with all our bedding and in fact got a new bed (exchanged the king for a queen-teehee, for me to be queen of my domain!).  Congratulations in making that move, it can be hard. 

I felt that it wasn't practical or appropriate to get rid of everything.  There were a lot of things that went, but not the dishes, etc. my family gave me for our wedding…the things that have a strong emotional charge for you should probably go sooner or later, unless you can appreciate the item for its functionality and let go of the emotional charge…but that could be quite challenging.  In the end only you know what you need to let go of.  A suggestion is maybe to use the barometer of imagining that if your new partner sees the object and asks about it, what do you feel about that inquiry and what do you say?  Can you be totally honest?  Does the item invade the sacredness of your space of the new relationship?  There were a few things that went away for me because of this….I didn't want any energy related to the ex around in my new partnership.

So about the stones…a friend told me once that you can cleanse crystals/stones with a soak in a strong salt water solution and then lay them in sunshine for a while.  Not sure how accurate that is, but might be worth a try.  There's always burning of sage to clear a space as well.  But if you feel you want to return them to the Earth, then do so…somehow.  Send along with a friend who is going on a trip, mail them to someone to put into the ground somewhere you won't go…just keep checking in with yourself about the attachment/energy you feel about the items, and give youself time too.  As silly as it sounds, you could write goodbye letters to the items too to dispel some of the attachment.   Hope these suggestions are helpful!  Above all, be gentle with yourself. 

In Love and Light, Laurie

Re: First Principles to Begin With

Laurie, thanks so much for your thoughts about getting rid of things – very helpful! I’ve felt SO much better since getting rid of the ring – and this morning I got rid of the rocks and a few other things – I have more stuff to get rid of, but I’ve cleared out a huge amount of stuff, and with it a huge amount of the energy of the relationship

I really like the idea of imagining that my new partner saw those things – that’s a great test of the energy – thanks

Re: First Principles to Begin With

Thank you Laurie,

I realized today that it was easier for me to handle
the ending  of this relationship knowing that
I had a friend behind me that had been through
this before. 

I could feel the love coming through
from you as I was thinking  about the
how and why I pick these kind of relationships.

Thank you for your support in this pod, it is
really helping.  Raenie

Re: First Principles to Begin With

Okay I was able to end my old relationship and actually
was able to explain what I thought about our dating
situation without him getting upset.

Then last week there was a new person in my
space that might be single, so I am able to
picture someone being with me easier and
I did go and do something by myself.  That person
called today on business related things in my
life but talked to me for quite a while so now
to picture the rest of the being with that someone
and how I would feel, so far just feeling the love
that person exudes and how happy we are doing
things together, but mostly just really excited that
this could be it, who knows!!  I feel like you are
my special diary……. thanks rain

Re: First Principles to Begin With

this is really interesting. i have been working with a healer for about 5 months, and he recently told me that i must soften my heart so that i may allow love from others into my life. i just got out of a relationship a month ago, but have really gotten clear within the last month on what i needed for closure in that relationship, what my part in the relationships strengths and weakness were, and knowing it is okay to move on.
ironically enough i made a “boyfriend list” week. i know enough to make sure i put everything i want on there, because that leaves a blank and a possibility of receiving something you didnt want.
i didnt think about making a list of what i dont want. do you think by making that list you attract those qualities, by giving the energy, by giving them life?
i really like the list of “feelings i want to have in the presence of my soulmate” i think that is really an awesome way to get to know yourself and really validate what you are worth in a relationship.
i really look forward to just looking at what others have done so i can learn from it, and getting some feedback from others too.
i want to be in a relationship. i think that this is the first time i look forward to being with someone, instead of just thinking i needed someone so i would feel loveable.
yea for everyone!

Re: First Principles to Begin With

Hi, Erin and welcome! I understand your hesitation about the “don't want list” and by all means if you feel it's too negative, don't do it. The point of doing it is to give voice to some of that “I hated this about my last partner” feelings and then turn it around to a positive statement and put that onto the “want list” and then get rid of the other, burn it, destroy the negativity and stay positive! 

Our thoughts are already “alive” and we will create from them whether or not we are aware of them.  When my first marriage ended, all I could think of what all the characteristics I hated about him, the dishonesty, etc., but while I focused on that, I kept on attracting dishonest people…I had to release that and then focus on the positive: someone with deep, enduring, unshakable honesty and integrity, not brutal honesty, but loving honesty, being real and authentic.  I hope this makes sense. 

I also felt that shift that you speak of about moving from needing someone to desiring true connection with another.  I decided this guy had better knock my socks off and be someone that I really LIKED as a person, as a human, as a companion…something very intentional about creating that relationship instead of “falling into it” as always before. 

I hope you do enjoy the pod.  And I hope to participate more, soon after my masters is complete in the next month or so!   In Love and Light, Laurie

Re: First Principles to Begin With

Okay, so I understand you principles and a few days ago, I would have said that I have gotten past these two principles, but now I seem to question it.

Me and my ex have been over for about a year. I've been seeing other guys about 4 or 5 months after we broke up. Then I stop looking and dating because I wanted to really focus on what I wanted and did not want in my soul mate. Well about 4 months after I stop being interested in the dating scene, a guy asks to get to know me. Well at first I didn't like him. Then I started liking him. But now its been two months we havent gotten past the intro phase and my feelings for my ex are coming back.

A part of me feels like I am only trying to substitute for my ex. Another part of me thinks that my ex is really the one. Then I've got another part that is confused. Then there's another part that cannot get over the fact that I still love and am in love with my ex.

What do I do? I mean, my heart says that if I get another chance to be with him, it will put everything it has into it to make it last. Then my mind jumps in and says is that truly who God has intended for me?

It's not like the new guy that I am still in the intro phase with isn't working out… I do like the other guy, but I just keep feeling like he should be a friend.

I'm just still not over my ex and no one has ever made me feel like this. I just cant shake the guy. We only broke up because he's in the military and I move thousands of miles away from where he is stationed. Is my love for him based on feelings of unfinished business? Or is my love truly geniune?

 I keep praying for understanding and asking God to help me. I've even been praying for another chance with my ex just to see if the next chance is something that is meant to be.  You know how the idea that letting go, then if it comes back that's how you know it's for real? But I don't just want to do it because I want to see if we work. I want to do it because I do love him with all that I have in me. I can't understand it.