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It’s 6am on a very cold December morning. 6 inches of fresh powdery snow has fallen overnight. Outside there is a great frozen stillness hanging in the air. In the dim light I can barely see the large Norway spruce trees across the pond. They look snug underneath their blankets of white. Looking out on the wintry scene I think to myself “ It’s so beautiful”, pausing for a moment to let the beauty penetrate me. The fire crackles and pops behind me, the woodstove is blazing hot. It hungrily consumes the dry black cherry wood that I had cut and split earlier in the fall. I have been up and working on the fire since 5:30. I put in one more piece, and then head into the bathroom for my pre-meditation ritual.
First I pee, and then wash my face and hands with cold water to really wake myself up. As I brush my teeth I notice what a blessing it is to have running water. I feel thankful that I live in the U.S. and have so many amenities even though I don’t see much wisdom in our government. I know that if I can learn to live simply then others may have access to the things I have not consumed. The tooth brushing feels so good after a deep sleep. Leaving the bathroom I turn off the light and walk slowly towards the simple altar in the living room. It’s a small wooden table with a candle for the fire element, a potted flower for the earth element, a bowl of water with river pebbles for the water element, and a little green bowl for incense representing the air element. Standing there in the early morning darkness, the only light is the fiery reflection of the woodstove bouncing off the sliding glass door. Bhakti my six-year young son is still fast asleep upstairs. I can hear his gentle deep breaths and wonder if he is drooling on the pillow as he sometimes does. I smile, oh well, the thoughts we have are sometimes petty and wonderful. Refocusing I take a stick of fine sandalwood incense out of the holder, light it and very carefully with both hands bring it to my forehead, and then I quietly say the incense offering.
In deep gratitude, we offer this incense to all enlightened beings throughout space and time. May it be fragrant as earth herself, reflecting our careful efforts, our wholehearted attention, and the fruit of wisdom slowly ripening within us. May all beings and we become enlightened, may we awaken from forgetfulness and realize our true nature. These powerful words prepare my mind for meditation. I always say “we” because there is never really a single, separate “I” anywhere. I feel as though my teacher and my spiritual ancestors like Jesus Christ and the Buddha are here in the present moment with my society as well as my family, our cat, all beings and me when I practice meditation. I practice for us all, not just my own well-being. I set the stick of incense into the small green bowl with sand on the altar and as I do I notice how lovely the violet orchid flowers are.
Turning around and stepping back I sit down on the meditation cushion and begin practicing. Eyes closed, hands folded in my lap, back straight, legs crossed but not in full lotus position, I’m just to big and inflexible of a guy for that. Just sitting…, as the title of the Buddhist book says “Being Nobody, Going Nowhere”, my attention focused on my breath. Breathing in, I follow the breath as it enters my nostrils; there is a slight tingly sensation, almost breezy, my mind follows the breath all the way in and down till my lungs are expanded. I continue to follow my breath as it leaves the body; it feels ever so subtly warmer on the exhalation as compared to the coolness when I inhale. I deliberately ignore any thoughts that pop up, concentrating instead on the breath. Breathing in, breathing out, my mind is beginning to become calmer. Breathing in, breathing out, I can feel the solidity and weight of my body. My mind is completely alert yet relaxed and my body is like a mountain, solid and free. This peaceful state flows out from within on the waves of air and universal essence called breath. It takes less effort to concentrate. This initial bliss doesn’t last.
Up from my subconscious mind a strong image flashes onto this serenity. It’s a beautiful young woman, she is nude and seems eager to make love. A sexual fantasy has come to life in my psyche. It has lain dormant in the depths of my mind as a seed, watered by the media, biology, old patterns, and so many other factors and now it has sprung to life here in this moment. The image is alive and very tempting, in the past I may have engaged it but instead I do nothing. I don’t allow the inner critic to voice its disapproval or condemnation nor do I allow the habitual compulsion to dance with it and let it take me where it will like I have done in the past. I just sit there with the energy of naked lust and natural awareness. Breathing in, breathing out till my mind starts to calm again. Breathing in, breathing out, deeply and slowly.
A waft of sweet sandalwood delights my sense of smell. I notice a dull tingling in the bottom of my right foot, no reaction just a noting. The time slips by as a few more rounds of mind and its objects like thoughts, feelings, memories, dreams, worries about today and the future come into the foreground. None come so thunderously as did the fantasy and all are dissolved back into their original source by the gentle power of breath. As time passes I can’t smell the fragrant sandalwood anymore. I open my eyes and I’m struck by the beauty and vastness of this life. I put my hands together in prayerful pose, hold them near my heart and bow deeply.
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