Balance

Imbalances can lead to resentment and conflict

Re: Balance

Love is beautiful when there is balance

Love is a feedback loop
it is an exchange of energy
between others and ourselves
As we radiate our love  out
it affects those around us
and causes them to radiate their love out
some of it, back to us

Nothing demonstrates interdependency more beautifully
than love
In a close relationship, our happiness
is bound with the happiness other others
How can we be happy
when our partner is not happy?

It is all about a shared happiness
we cook for ourselves AND others
we laugh along with our partner
we work and provide for both ourselves and others
we are concerned for the welfare of both ourselves and others
at the same time
we derive joy
from seeking to comfort both ourselves and others

Re: Balance

interdependence is good, but not being able to be happy if the partner is not happy could be co-dependence, no? I have been in that place, and it's not a healthy one.

love,

nicole

Re: Balance

Yes interdependence is NOT Dependence!

We must be know what we want in a relationship
Do we want to be someone's counsellor, their attendant
their nurse?
We could do that, but only if we are quite spiritually advanced
and consider that this is what we will do with our life

Otherwise, if this is not what we really want
then we may only build up resentment and passive aggression
that I am wasting my life
sacrificing my own happiness

A dependency is an Imbalance
This is why I keep repeating my mantra
“love must come from within
and radiate out of us”

Ultimately, WE ourselves
are the source of joy we seek in others
if we know that
we enjoy the presence of the other being
in a way that is independent

When that light shines out from us so brilliantly
it cannot help but move those around us
and if the other person is ABLE to receive these feelings
and feels so moved,
it causes them to release their own source of light
and that flows to everyone around them
including back to us

The song I wrote called: “BACK TO YOU” summarizes this
in it's verses:

And all the love that flows into your life
Let it always point you back to
the love that's always been right here
the love that's been inside of you

Coz everyone out there in the world who loves you
is just like a mirror's pristine reflection
reflecting all the love you give to them
reflecting all the love back to you….

When we are in intimate partnerships and we see this
then both partners simply radiate love out
In such a relationship we don't each need to take the view that
“we want that person's love”
because we know that if we radiate out love powerfully enough
AND that other person is receptive enough
then our own love is what ultimately comes back to us
If that other person doesn't love us in this way
how else can they love us?

Always chasing after love on the outside
is an indication of “poverty mentality”
and this ties in DIRECTLY with spiritual training
at it's most basic level

What was the Buddha's basic teaching?
…wasn't it that we are already whole?…we are already a pristine jewel?
The spiritual journey
is that of discovering our own wholeness
our own perfection as a living being

If we need to chase love outside of us
then isn't that adapting poverty mentality?
isn't that really admitting
that wholeness isn't within us?
If we need someone out there
to complete us
isn't that admitting that we are not whole in ourselves?

So isn't this dependency that we are speaking of
really another way of saying
that I am caught up in the illusion of duality
in my personal life?
Isn't this where our discomfort with dependency arises from?

If we are able to radiate love out
and the other person is not able
to reflect the love we radiate out spontaneously back to us
then that person isn't able to tune in and receive our love, isn't it?
How can we have an intimate relationship with such a person?
It is possible, but you must be quite spiritually advanced
For most, it is more practical and realistic
to be with a person who can reflect our love back to us
and is not always in emotional pain or anguish
For most, this is the support WE NEED on our own spiritual journey

Similiarly,
If we are not able to tap into our own spontaneously radiant love
and must therefore must continually seek that light outside ourselves
then this gives rise to the condition of depending on others

In both these cases, there is imbalance

Our own love, a wave of energy
goes out into the world
and when it arrives at beings who are receptive
it iss transformed, transmuted and returns to us
with the other beings flavor and essence

it's like a wave motion
If I say “I love you” to Anna
or I smile at her
then sound or light vibrations travel towards her
and when the acoustic or light waves reach her
the information encoded in them interact with her energetic system

This encoded information travels through her acoustic transducer or optical transducer pathway
causing a biochemical ion wave motion down neuronal pathways
into her biological neural network
where it is processed and a response comes back to me
in the form of another signal that travels down other internal neuronal pathways
and finally gets translated into a kiss or an “I love you”

Ultimately, for genuine happiness
we must bring the spiritual path into our personal love life
We must remove our own obscurations
so that we see that love begins and ends with us
We must discover that we ourselves are the source
for this feeling of love and joy that moves us so

Many Blessings

Re: Balance

Gien, I am reminded that loving relationships are not always just with partners, but can impact on relationships. My mother is pretty dependent on me due to decline in old age, I am so thankful that my partner is supportive of me while I support my mother, but it does impact on what we can or can't do together, we can't go out together unless we have a granny sitter.  I try to strike a balance, but sometimes it is a bit like walking a tightrope, especially when respite care fails,   I love them both, and consciously choose to continue caring as I want Mum to feel loved and part of family as her life draws to a close. This does raise mixed feelings which I acknowledge and try to work through with love as my guide.

Re: Balance

You are so right Zephyr
to acknowledge this, I have started a new thread in 'Relationship Status'
called transition
because we all go through so many stages of love
and there are also so many different types of love

Yes, balance is the key
there is only so much of us to go around
and we need to allocate carefully
so that everyone receives a sufficient morsel of our love

Those mixed feelings are about feeling loved
feeling sufficiently loved
and it can be difficult
when those in our life
are demanding of so much of our attention

We have to be aware of what we are capable of giving
some people are terrible parents
because they simply aren't capable of giving the tremendous amount
of time, energy and attention to raising a child
others fall effortlessly into that role

Whether it's an aging parent or a young child
when we have multiple relationships in our lives
we must walk that tightrope
and strike a healthy balance

Sometimes we need to get creative
Creativity can be rewarded
with solutions that satisfy all parties!

Please keep sharing
While you may encountering a problem for the first time
others may have already encountered it and already come up
with a creative solution!
That's what this group is for

Many Blessings

Re: Balance

Zephyr, so true - there are a myriad kinds of relationships. I have included a Family link under Relationship Status, if you do not feel this is the one which best describes to your and mom's relationship, please suggest another.

My sense is 'Love Is' and relationships are manifestations of love. We all love to the degree possible to us. It seems the true goal of monastics for example, is the more transcendent, universal love. 

Re: Balance

Hmmmn….thinking aloud, I agree 'Love Is' and relationships are manifestations of love. Do monastics feel that relationships exclude unconditional and universal love? I see no limit to love, love for parents partner siblings, children, friends, just keeps on expanding love and doesn't exclude showing love and compassion to a complete stranger, or to any form of life including wildlife and our living planet, creation and Oneness.  We are all interdependent and I see all those relationships as positive.
How does one love without relating?  If we love I dion't think we should see ourselves as the only source of love, or even an expert on love,  others have exactly the same capacity within themselves, and  we are showered by nature's love every second of every minute of every day. I see no limit to love, only to what we can physically do, as more people are inspired to come from that place f love, more can physically be achieved. It is people who are relating in a loving way that inspire me
far more than those preaching love, those who are love in action, love in action = acts of compassion

Re: Balance

so true Zephyr. I am sure monastics do not see relationships as excluding the love you mention. Monasticism is another manifestation of love. I am not a monsatic so I cannot speak about monasticism with any authority, though I do deeply treasure monastics. I'm sure someone like Assaji, Dhammadipa or Metta - the three monsasitcs I know on Gaia, could explain more than I about their choice of path.

Re: Balance

i think it's wonderful that we are expanding the categories so that the circles of love we explore can grow wider and wider to include everyone,

Love,

Nicole