Family

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Re: Family

recently, i find myself enjoying a more relaxed and comfortable relationship with my mother, instead of the tension and greater distance that had been there before. it is very good.

love,

nicole

Re: Family

Oh that's so nice to hear, Nicole. My relationship with my mom is also one of my more challenging ones and i learn so much from it. I have always been more her mom in some ways than she was ever mine. I do love her deeply and as she grows older and shows signs of Emphysema I consciously bring my awareness to the fact that one day she will not be around and I know someone very important to me will have left this realm. Mother's are such a primal relationship somehow - its as though they are “in one's bone's”.

Re: Family

I can relate to that Nicole, from a baby i was the apple of my fathers eye, and my mother doted on my two brothers, not a good recipe for family dynamics, lol. My mother was not demonstrative towards me at all and used to pass on any discipline to my father, she was a fiery character and my Dad was the opposite, a very gentle man. My Mum explained why later, once when I was a baby my mother had sat me on my potty and I shuffled about on it, she got angry and gave me a severe slap which knocked me off my pot and I hit my head on the flagstones, she said i was so shocked that I opened my mouth to cry and no sound came out, of course she was sorry afterwards and didn't trust herself, so any problems I caused had to wait till Dad came home. When I was young I didn't know all this or understand it I just felt closer to my father and not as worthy as my brothers where Mum was concerned. Things got better, when I was older we became closer and friends, and we would chat for hours. When I realised Mum was ailing i took her in to live with me and the thought occurred I was doing it as much because I knew Dad would have wished that as anything, I realised there was still some residual resentment there, and I had to forgive and move on, we talked and that is when the potty incident came to light, it helped me to understand forgive and put it behind me, I had a good example from my father, Mum threw a whole dinner at him once and he went to the kitchen collected the cleaning stuff cleaned the mess up, then he gave her a hug, and said I know you didn't really mean to do that, she burst into tears and all was forgiven.
I choose to do the same. Mum and I are fine now, I can give her a hug and say I love you and really mean it, and we can talk about anything

Re: Family

indeed, anna, i am grateful to have relationships of much more lightness and ease with my 21 and 19 year old children (and look forward to another such when my 12 year old gets out of the defiant stage lol).

gael, no, that is not a good recipe for healthy dynamics! but so easy to fall into. that is very comforting to know how you have moved beyond it and care so beautifuly for her,

love,

nicole

Re: Family

Zephyr your tales so often give me goosebumps! You have so intricately woven this story that we travel in and out of the different threads with you and can do nothing other than deeply understand the precious love you have for mom and also how really amazing dad was. Aaw the little girl who was you on the potty! Just got to hug her!