Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Hi friends

For some time I have been aware of a strangeness or missing link in my 'story', you could say, that is tied to the quite unhappy history I have had with my father. In so many ways, because of my realisation that I didn't have the tools to start the process of righting it, I simply put it in a settled place until I could.

In recognition that so much of my, let's call it, macro-level sensitivity to the world's systems is connected to my views about responsibility of males in the home and world, I have taken the decision to begin the journey right now, to self heal in this area, with intentions to come to peace with my father, myself and my relationship with the male of the species, which is usually a fear-based place and therefore, to me, unacceptable.

The fear manifests itself in panic; in feelings of unworthiness; of 'how could what you're saying [complimentarily] be true?' since I am not lovely and attractive, really… How could I be? [And the unsaid but deep 'Tuth' sentiment to follow is '… since my father wanted NOTHING to do with me!'

It's still painful although often ignored or put away like I said and surrounded by very deep breaths and a focus on other things that I can handle and/or rationalise. Because this doesn't make sense; how could a father be so distant? Be actually destructive intentionally? Be liard and hypocritical? It just doesn't sit right…

Nonetheless, in my elevation to Full Human I accept even more and more 'things' which just are. They are quite irrational to Normal Man and therefore to me. But they are a part of my Truth now, so I'm letting go more and more to the likelihood that this situation is perfect, and the Truth will manifest itself really shortly for me and everyone with some similar history to understand.

In my rambling around for my bliss I came across a book which was, I can only say, given to me to help this motion. It is called 'Making Peace with your Father' by David Stoop PH.D.

I am going to take the journey which this book offers along with meditation of course, to start the self healing process which I know is available to us and approach it with an open mind and heart for my own good.

Hopefully this process will help me and a few other people somewhere to also take the walk to self healing and remove the anger and other characteristics we might have from being dissected from our parents.

I am emphasising my father because my grandmother filled the role of my abandoning mother and I feel really happy to know that this took place. She however never understood, herself, the role of a father having been left out by hers as well through the years.

And so I will be learning lots of things on this journey and hope you will share in it too.

I will keep you posted on insights.

Do take care and continue blessing and being blessed.

Love, Sherri

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Dear Sherri
This feels like such an important turning point in your life. An incredible place of new beginnings based on your courageous embracing the painful space left by Dad. I am honoured to journey with you here in your Journal to Daddy. Holding you in my heart, precious. My dad passed on when I was 7 years old. This is not the same as abandonment and although I had a step father, I understand something about the 'space of dad' not being occupied.

love

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Anna, thank you for following up.

The loss of my mother and father combined somehow previously. It was like I ended up with one parent, who took the form of a mother, period. That was my grandmother, of course. [I hope that made sense!]

I had confusion regarding my mother and her actions for some time, but I felt able to reconcile them with her last year. I visited her and laid my cards on the table. I feel much more clear now about her and feel no more responsibility there - which was part of my 'problem'. I wouldn't say I'm completely at peace but I am much closer there and I dont register anger and the lke at this time. Just compassion.

Like I said my grandmother shone so brightly that it seems like I lucked out on the mother side. It is important to note that many 'bad' things can turn out to be something quite great.

And yes my grandmother was quite young when she lost her mother, and her father did not live with her as she grew up. I don't think he was much more than someone she heard about. For all intents and purposes, my grandmother was an orphan. She instinctively acted in her mothering and extended it really to her world at large.

She did have some distrust of males though and I know it was transferred down to me somewhat in my youth… So you see some complexity woven in.

Nonetheless, I feel strongly it is simplification that will take me there and good intentions [and lots of bravery]. But I'm gonna go for it! I want to be past this phase and see who turns out ultimately!

The journey goes on…

Blessing you again,

Sherri

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

I feel you certainly don't lack what it takes, dear Sherri - you already shine so brightly.

The pattern you experience with dad has been inherited down the generations and you are the victor whose in the process of changing it. The future and those foregone will bow in gratitude. I am happy to hear the good news of you and your mother finding peace.

love

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

I wanted to let you know I was following your journey too, Sherrilene. It is a very important one to start out on and I'm in awe of the courage you are channeling to take those steps where ever they lead.

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Sherri,thanks for inviting me to share this with you,it is interesting as my daughter has so much anger directed at me as a result of divorce and Mom telling her stories to justify the new man in her life.
  So…this will be interesting for me to see the parallels.  I admire your willingness to open this book…..love to you, Ralph

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Dear Ralph, this sounds sad. If you wish, you could start a thread on the important subject of the welfare of one's children in this group. I feel this thread should remain dedicated to Sherri's journal

love

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Hi friends, thank you for joining in. I am pleased to know that my elder male friends are open to sharing with me and it will be great to have their periodic inputs as we simplify and find peace through intentional understanding.

In the midst of 'skin life' as my friend Sylvia calls it, I have the interesting challenge of keeping pure mind sufficiently that non-judgment doesn't creep into my self-healing efforts. But I'm doing better I think. It helps that my circle has been refined somewhat and my inflows of information to process are much much purer and cleaner. Anything else I am aware, is optional.

Ok, some insights already. The little lead-up was to confess my resident anger that rises up when I'm in the presence of many males in my domain. Primarily I see the ones who sit at the side of the street and 'talk crap' or will take the time to run around on a playing field but won't take time for their kids or home life. My getting angry is a judgment of course. And I know it isn't right or at least, it isn't helping me access my peace… At least I am aware of that…

Further, though, is that I believe it blocks me from seeing more clearly, different males who are really trying to be all they can be with their children. It's a matter right now of asking myself what do I want to see? Am I taking pleasure of some kind, in bashing males? For certain I don't do a similar thing with females… That's on the personal front.

In my book, which I mentioned, I am learning theoretical stuff which might be interesting. [Everything I read in a book today, however, I take with a grain of salt, considering the personal perspective which can influence it…].

But I found it interesting to see the following perspectives, which perhaps any of you can give your views on:

1. that a child's identity can be 'spoiled' as early as the second year of life, if there is no person other than the mother around when they are moving off from the mother attachment and that the absence of a father might lead to the child drawing too close to Mom and unable to differentiate themselves from Mom. 'Dependence on her may become so strong that the child's quest for autonomy is frustrated or smothered. If Dad is absent, Mom becomes too present and too powerful. .. The child must be careful not to upset Mom, or she as well as Dad might be lost. Fear becomes the child's dominant emotion.' [I have seen this with my nephew and his mother… not a pretty sight, sadly…]

I better break these up so the posts aren't excessively long. I will do 2. later.

Have a nice day.

Love, S 

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

This is your thread, Sherri - post as long, as short and as often or seldom as feels fitting.

You mention your primarily 'male directed' anger which in many ways feels unsurprising for obvious reasons. I guess the thing your really faced with here is, you don't want to be further damaged - first abandoned then crippled by all sorts of un-confronted issues. You want to be truly liberated which means also being free of the residue anger and pain you so naturally feel. This means 'embracing your pain' - really looking it in the face and shining light onto it. It's a process.

You've asked us our thoughts re, '… a child's identity can be 'spoiled' as early as the second year of life, if there is no person other than the mother….' I have also heard speak about children being harmed in the early years by what's happened in their lives. I guess I should be very 'damaged'. I was abandoned by my parents at the age of 2 years, taken back 6 months later because I'd stopped speaking and doing anything other than stare out of the window. My mother has been labeled dysfunctional, etc, etc.

It feels scary to be told - look what's happened to you has caused deep seated irreparable harm. I have heard of other schools of thought which say the contrary. Buddhism for one certainly does not concur with the view that we have to be damaged by what's happened to us at any stage of our lives. I only recently became a Buddhist, so I can't really say this is the reason for my sense of not feeling damaged.

Life is often seemingly harsh and those who don't sink can become amazing 'swimmers'. It seems to me to be so much to do with how we respond to things rather than what happened.

There is always choice and we are ultimately the one's responsible for our lives. We so often choose to give our power away by feeling the problem can only be resolved by someone or circumstances outside of ourselves.

All this sounds well and good - but of course is a process and can be a life journey. But one very worth while taking - knowing you as I have come to, I dont feel the alternative is one either you or I are willing to entertain.

love

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

:) Well yeh; I'm not going down like that lol

I am glad to have your affirmation that my feeling is natural and I will do my breathing and let it move through. My intention remains pure, so I shall proceed…

2. Another interesting point was about in the absence of a parent, a child tries to fill the space. Theoretically this relates to Nature abhorring a vacuum. It reduces the time for a child to be simply a child.

Why this is striking to me is that indeed I took on the leadership role in my family from quite young. I did carry that duty with me well into my 20s out of a feeling like 'somebody's got to get real!', not because I really wanted it. I often reflect on my forgotten youth, not with regret, just in awe sometimes that I carried so much and didn't break! It got me in the habit of being the perennial burden-carrying, 'dirty-work' girl.

I finally got sick of that as I came of age, at around 30 and refused to be the janitor anymore.

And now I feel excitement when I can be a kid and frolic and enjoy things like bouncing in the sea and feeling the sun burning my skin etc. Many times I feel like I must be crazy to enjoy these things so much… I DO NOT question Michael Jackson's almost obsessed wish to access his childhood. I still don't know if it is something to go back for though… Such is life…

I once reflected on a blog that what I would like to have back from that time is the Innocence of my Nature as a little tot.  To that extent I do feel it is possible to learn too much, too early as I think I did. However it is as it is and thankfully I wasn't corrupted in my brain in the process. I've stayed somewhat pure in my thinking and somehow at critical times I'd rise up to again be responsible.

Nonetheless, if there's learning for anyone about what children regret when grown up,
it would be this. Please give them the space to be children, to explore, to learn, to enjoy playfulness and little responsibility except for what is in their domain to control… not have to feel they must fill the gap for a critical missing part.

I think my father's absence brings me to anger sometimes because he just chose to not participate. He wasn't dead or anything; he lived in our house. But for some reason he would not connect… I get angry because it seems like he did not try. Indeed he put his energies into destroying family relations… that gets me angry…

To the present, I just met with a male friend who I was able to greet with pure mind and it went great! I feel so satisfied with that exchange. Maybe it's simple like that… we will see.

Will be back later. Blessings and peace.

Sherri

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

I know what you mean, Sherri - I think in a sense I tried to fill both parents spaces! I guess whatever happens along the way creates our patterns and default responses in the world. What I see you currently doing is saying is, 'no more default - I'm ready to master' - I mean 'mistress!'

It does seem it's so important to go to our pain rather than deny it - it's almost as though the message pain brings is waiting to be discovered - that by uncovering it, its a jewel in disguise. What I mean is, our feelings are messengers of the spirit and when we go to them, listen and respect them, we can learn everything spirit needs to teach us.

I love your journey, Sherri and I love the way you are contending with it. You are brave to allow the pain to have a voice in your life - and at the same time there is really no other way of healing.

Aah I'm happy to hear what's happening in your present! I'm wanting to say, yes, it's as simple as that - this is my experience with Gien, yay! Keep listening to those inner feelings and you'll never trip up

love

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

I'm wanting to create a room for threads such as this. I'd be grateful if you'd all help me think of a title. The room can be a place for journals and perhaps self healing therapeutic work… Each person would own their thread and others would be welcomed to journey with the owner

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Thank you again Anna. Again it's great to realise 'I'm not so strange', which is often my impulse through sharing my journey very openly.

I have noticed how hard it is for many people to be themselves, in the fear of being laughed at or ridiculed for being uncertain about something which might seem simple. This approaches releases people to be themselves and it has been so effective in initiating healing in them, which is greatly gratifying for me as a healer. I don't think I know what embarrassment is anymore lol It's all Human!

Applying pure mind and keeping my intentions clean and healthy has been quite effective in keeping focussed. I do encourage everyone to try this and to not legitimise the chatter and the negativity which often creeps in. Treat it as distraction from your elevation to a better Being… and watch the creativity take its place. It's astounding how well that is going! I am pleased.

In my case I have used this approach when I am teaching, but I've often regressed when I am alone. So this is progress for me already…

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Sherri, I'm seeing you in your strength
as you unashamedly  'be yourself'
- going straight to the heart's sore
like an arrow
and returning the victor

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Hello again. I'm back to share my further emergences in this process.

I will start with a point from the book which I'm moving through gradually.

3. The point was made that in a child's adolescent years, the girl child naturally will draw to the opposite sex parent and the boy child similarly. That parent is there to affirm them in their own developing womanliness or manliness and show how to relate to the opposite sex.

Indeed this information is significant. I might have mentioned that I was in quite a blur much of my life as to what is appropriate when dealing with a man in a close space. Because of my father's behaviours of absolute distance I believe that I felt I had to 'work at' holding a male's attention. I see this in a lot of females of many different backgrounds. My brothers didn't set much of a different example either, mostly going through girls like tissues :) There were some abusive tendencies trickling through also, although not for all my brothers.

Despite my 'independence' I still referred to males as higher authority throughout the years, being 'respectful' and submissive somehow. This, despite, clear evidence that I had a great deal of relevant knowledge to bring to the decision table. It often seemed as if this was the 'only way'!

As I have grown as a person it has taken a good deal of self-talk to maintain my self-belief that I am a fully equipped person to take decisions of a personal kind. It hasn't come spontaneous, I must emphasise.

This is the quiet but substantial impact that societal dynamics have on humans of all kinds. It truly takes pure thinking and going to the gut to realise that these dynamics are sub-optimal and indeed could be considered destructive!

The good news is that I do feel more empowered than ever to take decisions on consultation with my instinct, thank goodness! I feel like that dependency syndrome is in my past and in fact that every human being would love to not be caught up either with dependence or obligation. It is so limiting and constraining!

I am learning dynamics with males today with intention towards those seeking pure mind as well. This is the interesting test… but I'm in no rush [any more].

Will be back again soon,

Sherrilene

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Sherri, I am struck by the tremendous clarity you have about the effects your relationship with Dad has\had on you. It's taken a lot of work gaining this kind of insight and the outcomes is that this awareness gives you a real sense of self empowerment.

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Sherri, I'm thinking of starting a 'The Journey Journal Room' in this group and moving your thread there as if feels it deserves to be in a room set aside for journals. I'm hoping this will also encourage others to start their own journal threads. Would you be okay with this?

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Anna, sure you can move it and just let me know the link.

I have always tended to self-healing first. I have spoken to counsellors through the years but for whatever reason came away realising that journaling and being really honest with myself helps more to surface than interfacing with a stranger. I've always had a strong mind too actually.

The main reason I want to consciously take this effort right through is because I really dislike the feeling of fear that emerges when it comes to addressing male authority in my space. Apart from empowering myself, I feel a lot of women need to raise their thinking too, in order for balanced authority to emerge in our world.

Thanks as always, Sherri

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Sherri the gift of sharing such as yours is a gift of liberation to others. Brave, generous and compassionate. 

When I move this thread the link will remain as is, love

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Sherri has left Gaia. I am locking this thread and will re-open it if she returns.

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Welcome back love

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Hello! A pleasure to be back and to use my expressive gift to help with healing.

Anna thank you for holding this space for me. Indeed, my departure from GAIA was very closely tied to a final frustration with tolerating some particular (invasive, disrespectful) behaviours throughout my life.

As I grow into Being, Accepting, Embracing and finally Celebrating, I feel far more capable of managing the dynamics now.

I have been putting my experiences down officially in a manuscript, a tribute to Listening to my Heart, trusting judgment in the moment, being open to learning and to goodness and manifestation of Universal Good Will to those who make an effort to connect.

This has seriously forced me to acknowledge and give validation to my very great anger with the males in my life, most of whom did not fulfil a contributory role whatsoever due to their focus on image only, even if it meant lying, betrayal of trust, abuse. 

Because of my over-developed sense of compassion and desire to help those that were harmed along the way, I have given up so much of my Self, my youth, my innocent mind. To this day I often manage my actions and how I relate with the world, directly based on what my father did not do, because he is symbolic of how so many patrons live and behave… This is definitely not the way to live your own life, which above anything else, is my primary motivation… to live Well!

So here I am today, committed to Being Me… desiring the best that Life has to offer, fully aware I contribute far more by being that Person… knowing the planets are lined up to support my journey…

It is time to journey to Me… to embrace the loving me; the innocent me, the little one who couldn't be received in that space but is absolutely perfect in others, and let Daddy be with his Creator, as the Creator sees fit.

I already have this Beautiful Life! I hum and smile, just thinking about it!

Thank you for sharing this journey with me. I will be more than happy to share more as time goes on. And of course I will share with everyone when my book is published.

In gratitude, Sherrilene

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Privileged to journey with you, Sherrilene,

Much love,

Nicole

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Here is some blurb from my book idea right now:

Stumbling Surefootedly: Celebrating a Life of Listening

‘is a tribute to Listening to my Heart, trusting judgment in the moment, being open to learning and to goodness and manifestation of Universal Good Will to those who make an effort to connect.’ Sherrilene Collymore

It describes a Woman’s journey from an unprivileged background, with nothing but a will to live freely, fully, happily.

Her call upon her Inner Guide and a commitment to listening, took her along a path throughout the physical and meta-physical world to finally find peace right at home with herself.

Her exploration of her emotional journey, her interface with the world of patronage, as is manifested in religion, academia and business life, and her ultimate decision to put her self-actualisation and soul satisfaction higher than a compromise on life, are a testimony to innate Human Power, to Instinct, to Intuition and to Peace.

It helps all people to re-look their lives and the potential for uninhibited joy, satisfaction and meaning … starting Now!


I would love to integrate this picture into the cover… We will see…

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

so wonderful to be with your energised vital spirit in this space again!
I aam looking forward to following your posts as these promise many gems to come!
 

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

You are expressing about your self. The words bring out your aim. It is your will power and you want to live the life fully. This will become a guide to others. You are trying to show as to not to fear of simple things. So you will win ultimately.
The picture reminds me my grand daughter.

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Wonderful excerpt, Sherri. Heartfelt. And that photo…!

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

Thank you dearest friends. I have to say I enjoy the 'on duty' elder friends here on GAIA! I know I represent many young people who might not ever admit to it, but appreciate wise inserts from time to time to help with guiding their path. Even if one is 'intelligent', there is nothing like a caring individual's contribution to your growth process. Again thank you.

Today is a little tough. There's lots of clarity and I know it's time to take decisions for myself, irrespective of what's gone on in the past, about my home life. I am trying to look positively at this but it is scary. This is how I know it will be wonderful when it's done!

It is a time to acknowledge my beliefs that all is provided and to challenge myself further on my faith in peace and happiness for my everyday. I have not dared to expect that at the risk of having every hope dashed, in this regard.

I have somewhat had a life of fear because of the home dynamics as a child so that even in peaceful settings, I unconsciously (now conscious) expect some chaos to erupt. This defeats the peacefulness which is kindly provided by the Universe for me… and I am not proud of that :) It also leads me right back into chaotic environments repeatedly!

It doesn't take into account all of the evidence of an alternate, or should I say, much expanded universe from what I might have grown up in and that constitutes easily 99% of my Reality… So, accepting Truth is my greatest challenge at present.

And I think this is because I fit a particular role in such a setting; I was the place of Peace! Now, time to help create who I will be in this new Garden of quiet and harmony and amity.

I see an interesting few days ahead of me!

God bless you. Sherri

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

 Sherri, what I do see is YOU taking on your journey as courageously as ever

love and hugs

what's its just come to mind that you may enjoy sharing more about Fear in Open Windows. Fear - how I handle it

Re: Journey to Daddy Journal - Starting Self Healling

:) Thank you Anna. I am being brave yes… It is what I should be. I know.

I will take a peek in the Fear thread. I was there before but haven't been recently.

Lots of love,

Sherrilene