Song of Wandering

It's been a very interesting time for me, these past weeks since I ended my relationship for the nth time and began to delve into the whys and wherefores of it all.

This group has been a Godsend for me, and I have also been blessed with the insights and support of many friends.

One in particular recently has come alongside to walk patiently with me, to affirm me, to share insights and to be there.

I am tremendously grateful.

Through this companioning, I have discovered how fearful I have become, how entangled in lies about my no longer being attractive or being able realistically hope for a true love. I have realised that to a great extent I have returned to the low vulnerable place that I was in just after my marriage, where I did not believe anyone would be interested in me.

Yet, of course, one never actually returns - though it is a similar place, all the experiences and thoughts and being of the intervening years have had their effect. I am more readily able to shake off the deceptions and quietly accept the truth, that I cannot compromise any longer, but must fulfill the promise I made to myself in 1998 at the end of my marriage to “go for the gold”, only to accept the love I have always wanted but didn't admit I deserved to have.

My life has gone into one of those intensely busy times with work-related activities, and I am glad because I need time. Time to heal, time to let these truths sink deeper into me and become part of my everyday approach to others, time to be fully myself and not in lack.

The allusion in the title of this journal is to Yeats' Song of Wandering Aengus

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Nicole, I am so happy you are receiving support, precious one. Support from treasured friends and also from the universe as it sends you loads to keep yourself busy with. It's sometimes hard to see the support the universe is sending because it can feel like 'tough love'!

There are stages of 'withdrawal'. You may have experienced these before when making the bold move to sever the relationship which was impacting negatively on your life. The initial feeling following this brave act feels quite celebrational and this sense of buoyancy may carry you for a while.

This is likely to be followed by a sense of 'cold reality' setting in - a feeling of depression - but is actually the transition you're going through. A time of upheaval before finding a 'new way' of being. This phase may be a bit up and down, like a rocky ride and is a dangerous time in some ways because we may want to turn tail and settle for 'the devil we know' or something new but similar rather than this apparently bleak life we feel is staring us in the face.

If you can 'ride out' this period, you may well experience the sun rising on a new horizon - what this 'horizon' is or when it will emerge, you have no way of knowing. It will reveal itself to you when the time is ripe.

It's great that you're keeping busy. I love the poem link you posted. Perhaps you can do writing or reading of literature which inspires you. Certainly if you continue this path, you are likely to have amazing sparks of insight and inspiration flowing through you as you remove the old useless stuff and move more and more into your true self. Being true to self, which is what you're doing as you walk this path, is going to awaken your inner voice more than ever.

It is very precious traveling with you in your journal, Nicole. Sending you a biig loving hug my sister.

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Alan Watts, the great writer on Zen, married 7 times.  All his wives came to his funeral. 

Your track record is actually pretty good compared to some people. I will come back later and have a close up of this article, it caught my eye and I couldn't help doing a quick reply

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all seven wives, eh? That's quite something! 

You're right, I actually have had very few relationships - one for two years, then my 12 year marriage, then after a while I began this seven year on again off again relationship that I just ended for the last time (I think, I hope).

I have fallen in love or been infatuated more often of course, but not been in relationships with those - mostly unrequited love/crushes or in three cases impossible situations.

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Nicole, what a beautiful sharing of a painful journey. I am so glad that you have found someone to walk with you. There is that little voice inside so many of us that tells us we don't deserve the best; that it's unrealistic; that it's impossible…

I'm glad you didn't listen to that voice!

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Dear Anna and Meenakshi,

You are both precious sisters-of-the-heart to me, thank you for your beautiful empathy and insights. I treasure them.

I'm glad I didn't listen to that nay-saying voice, too. And yes, it is so true that I am going through a withdrawal - I feel a pull back even though I know it is not the path I am on.

You're right, I am very inspired at the moment to write. I am writing a lot of work-related documents and also have started blogging again.

Recent blogs because closely related to my journey right now:

A poem I wrote yesterday: quietly I muse


A song that moves me deeply: Passionately in love with La Mort du Nombre


It's funny, I feel so peaceful at times, and at others so agitated internally. Last night was extreme agitation. I tossed and turned before getting to sleep and awoke only a few hours later unable to return to sleep, which is why I am up so early - I will keep going till I get sleepy, meditate, and try to nap until work.

Love,

Nicole

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Nicole, a thought came to me - sometimes when a thought comes, it's a message just for that moment. It may not come as clearly as it started off, as we are, so to speak, under the water, and light bends and sounds get garbled under water.

So when you hear/feel thoughts about not being deserving - what if you  take a step back and think of this not as an idea, but a message - hey! You're meant to be doing something else right now. Just get still, expand, go into your stillness, and hear what that message is.

My formula for life is [I'm planning to write it into a book one day] - Focus and Perspective. Fine tune it for getting centered.
When you're confused or disoriented, focus narrowly on what is in front of you.
when you're disturbed as you were last night - step back, expand, connect with your guide and ask yourself - What message is REALLY in this for me? Which path am I being guided away from? I know it will come to me in my dreams…or from an animal I see, or a change in the breeze, so I am content to wait for it to come.

As with all else, dear Nicole, please take what resonates and let the rest flow with the breeze…

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I will ponder that one, thank you Meenakshi! Sounds like there is something important there for me.

Love,

Nicole

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just jumping in to hug my two precious sister over here

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Interesting! Thanks. You know, I've stopped worrying about not being able to sleep. I guess it's part of becoming more flexible? The day has gone well anyway. Maybe I will sleep better tonight.

Hugs,

Nicole

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wishing you a sweet rest

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Thank you, it was most refreshing. Ready for some more journaling later today - shall return.

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Hi Nicole,

I hope it's ok for me to comment here. I wanted to wish you well and say how much I admire you for leaving a bad situation behind you. So many women stay in unhealthy relationships because they fear being alone. Your decision shows what a strong woman you are. I have also found from your posts on Gaia that you are a wise, mature, spiritually rich person.

 You said that you are very busy with work, which is great for you to occupy your mind at this time. Please make sure to get out for recreation and be among people as well. That is important for you spiritually too.

Namaste
Kala

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Kala, I am delighted to have you come by and comment.

Thank you for your well wishes and your kind words.

You're right, recreation and friendship is very important always, and the nice thing about summer is that it feels easier to get out for walks, go out with friends, travel to see people you don't normally see - just take time to be.

One of the ways I take care of myself on an ongoing basis is to go for a weekly massage - this and daily meditation and awareness helps me keep my stress and tension much lower.

I am looking forward very much to the social aspects of my upcoming trips. It will be good to get away from my routine, good to get away from the amount of computer time that is typical for me (high!).

The time on the planes and in airports is great thinking time too.

Love,

Nicole 

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Nicole, you are so far ahead of the game!  On top of being interesting , wise, kind, involved you take care of your self body, mind and soul. Trips, meditation, massages exercise. Please, you got it goin' on girl!

Kudos!

Namaste
Kala

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Thanks ((((Kala))))!

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Struggling today - had a long and painful phone conversation with my ex yesterday that, especially since I got little sleep last night, has left me feeling exhausted and vulnerable.

Again, my friend came alongside and shared these wise words I want to keep close, in my heart:

It sounds like he was forcing the confrontation, and because he works with you, you had to address it. I am glad you stood up for yourself. You are definitely worth it. That is the latest change I notice lately, and it is good. Capturing your heartful voice … could eventually attract your best lover, but whether it does or doesn't I feel you will be absorbed so much in the bliss of authentic living you could care less…


Now it is time to live and love from the deepest, living the adventure of who and what that is spontaneously.


I also blogged today about the discussion we are having in the Three turns Buddhism pod: Compassion, Our Deepest Nature - explorations together

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Sounds like a really tough time, love. The long conversation with you ex sounds emotionally draining and very challenging. I'm wondering if this 'me time' you're in shouldn't mean minimum contact. He may make this difficult fro you but you need to protect yourself. it's going to be very difficult if you work together but at the same time, you'll become really strong with this exercise of conviction! Those words from your friend are a treasure.

Thank you for the beautiful link.

Holding you in my heart, Nicole as you venture on so bravely.

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Thanks, Anna, so very much for your support, you have no idea how much it is helping me stay strong and focussed. Indeed, I have decided to limit contact with him as much as possible. For this week and next week, I have told him that he will only be in on Monday while I'm there, though he may come in another day next week if needed for new clients etc while I am not there. After that, I will have to see what is sustainable. It works out anyway for him, but he is not happy that I am deciding it, he expects to be able to negotiate everything. Some things are just not negotiable, a lesson my 12 year old is having a hard time learning too.

I had a good nap yesterday and felt calmer afterward, got a lot of work done. Slept pretty well and feel ready for another busy week. Looking forward to my weekend in New Jersey, the timing turns out to be so perfect that I am going away Friday. It will be a great chance to get away from all of this and at the same time process as needed.

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sounds challenging, Nicole, like trying to fit square pegs into round holes! I hope it's going to be feasible in the workplace for you at the practical level. Have you got back up plans?

love

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Hello dear Anna, I am returning to my journal in a brief breather from the hectic routine to see that I missed your last message, sorry.

Indeed, it has continued to be challenging negotiating with my ex, but I am remembering more and more often that my happiness depends on me. I allow myself to be sucked down into a bad mood by an email he sends with some needling comment about something work related, but I needn't allow him that kind of power over me. 

I want to be free and I will be free. 

He has only been at one class out of three per week the past couple of weeks, and it's been fine. So if worse comes to worst and it doesn't work out to have him keep working for me, I know we will be just fine, and I will be able to reassign his tasks to others.

So, leaving that all behind me, I am thinking about what I do want for myself. In the busyness of the past couple of weeks, there have been times I have felt so tired and alone that tears well up and I just wanted to bawl. I know I have lots of friends, great support, but there is that loneliness about knowing I am not in a relationship, nor do I have an interest that might turn into one. 

If ever I am slightly tempted by the aching to have someone's arms around me to think of going back to my ex, I remember this line from the Wolverine movie I just saw on the plane last weekend: “Sorry, you're confusing me with someone who actually cares.” I don't confuse him anymore with someone who cares about me, not in the way I so deeply desire someone to care, anyway. I know he thinks he cares, but I don't need that kind of caring.

Love,

Nicole

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I made a new poem in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep, in late July, but it's been so busy I didn't have a chance to blog it till now:

Longing

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Back from another trip, went well but feeling very, very tired at the end of a long day that began with buying another computer.

I'm feeling a bit discouraged with it all, not because I don't think I will ever find love (who can say?), or because things have been particularly difficult.

Just really tired. Well, tomorrow is another day :)

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tough moments, love! Rest can shed a better light on things - I hope this is what happened. I'll visit your poem link today

biig love

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Thanks, yes, I feel so much better today. Didn't realise how badly drained I was, and my kids were being very difficult, fighting over who was going to get the cast-off laptop.

The good thing about that is that they both gradually realised how much their argument had drained my energy. First one offered to give it to the other and then the other offered to give it back. And they both apologised to me for how much grief they had given me. So all's well that ends well.

Love,

Nicole

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aaw, sounds like they learned something special through Mum's suffering

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Sounds like you need a really deep rest, Nicole. Some body work, clearing/grounding of energies, expanding so that 'the vessel is prepared'. Sometimes we need to get focused on something completely different for want we yearn for, to manifest.

 Sometimes it comes in ways we didn't imagine. At times that are really difficult, I found The Power of Now, which I prefer this way than reading it through, to really help me. To live moment to moment…just some stray thoughts.

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I think they did, Anna.

Meenakshi, I am very grateful for my weekly massage. But funnily enough it was right after my massage that I had to deal with my kids and got so drained.

Today is a very busy day and I am already starting to feel quite tired, so will watch my energies carefully and try to get another early night.

Love,

Nicole

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lol! Talk about big time clearing!

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:) yes~

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Feeling better today - had a good nap this morning, really slept!

I've noticed a gradual heart-opening going on, I've had my head down for about a year, really not wanting to look around my to see who is there for fear of getting hurt or rejected again. But slowly and surely, I am starting to “see” people (a kind of more aware gaze), usually quickly recognise someone is not available and being a bit more open to possibility.

So, it's time, doing its beautiful healing work bit by bit.

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sounds like it's been deep wounding followed by slow but sure healing.
big hug love

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Thanks, yes, I suppose you are right!

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Bhatta, how beautiful

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Bhatta, that is lovely, thank you so much. 

In another group I was prompted to post one of my favourite songs, Dante's Prayer, by Loreena McKennitt

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So, I took the plunge today and created a Gaia Soulmates profile. (That's why the new icon, I needed a current picture so after experimenting a bit with my blackberry I managed to take this one of myself.)

I can't even tell you why today, it was quite impulsive, I just clicked on the link and started filling out a profile.

It will be interesting to see how this goes :)

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a timely blog from Davidya!

Awake Dating

Posted: 14 Aug 2009 07:03 PM PDT

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Well done for joining Soulmates! Don't know why I thought you'd already done so

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Thanks, it's a good exercise of thoughtfulness and intention, even if nothing comes of it.

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Nicole, you've been so present for me lately, and I seem to have wandered in here…this thread is so beautiful, and I feel called to join this group. It seems to speak to me and all the work I seem to be doing around love and relationship…to everything.

Deep bow.

Liz

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thank you Liz, I feel honoured that my journey can be of help in yours,

Hugs,

Nicole

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Nicole

I empathize with you because any form of suffering is not such a great place to be in.  As there have always been angels around me (and I don't mean those new agey things, I mean things that are gifts in any form to comfort me).  I have been to the edge of despair with the death of my oldest son.  This experience has been my greatest gift and teacher. It taught me about the mortal part of myself which I must drop at some point and the immortal part of myself which is such a giant that even Indra and all the Hindu Gods would shrink at the site of me when I am in my Godspace.  

At the other side of the pain theee is a valley, it is lush and the fruits are beautiful, the pain is a signpost pointing us in the direction we are seeking go.  Wherever the shadow is, look at where the light is shining from.  By embracing what we love, and letting it go on its own way is freedom, we are all just phantoms in Gods dream, and yes the dream goes ouch! It's always worth looking around and seeing the Buddha's smile, and when we see and understand why he is smiling, the pain may still be there but you'll probably have a little bit of a giggle and say “hey that was a pretty crazy trick to play on myself”

Gate Gate Paramgate

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“Come, Come, whoever you are
Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving, 
it doesn't matter
Ours is not a caravan of despair
Even if you have broken your vows 
A thousand times it doesn’t matter
Come, yet again, come”


Rumi

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Tony, I am deeply comforted and encouraged by both your posts. Thank you so much for dropping by here to share your wisdom. I dearly love Rumi, that is an especially awesome one.

Angels, yes - I think I am coming to believe in angels more like Rilke's ones, do you know his Duino Elegies? Here:

Who, if I cried, would hear me, of the angelic 

orders? or even supposing that one should suddenly

carry me to his heart – I should perish under the pressure

of his stronger nature. For beauty is only a step

removed from a burning terror we barely sustain,

and we worship it for the graceful sublimity

with which it disdains to consume us. Each angel burns…

Angels, it’s said, are often uncertain

whether they traverse the living or the dead. The eternal current

pours through both worlds, bearing all ages with it,

and overpowers their voices with their song…

That I may one day, leaving the vision of terror,

sing praise and glory again to assenting angels…

Excerpts from the Duino Elegies by Rainer Maria Rilke,

English translation by John Waterfield. © John Waterfield 1999

This work may be freely reproduced, stored, and transmitted, electronically or otherwise, for any non-commercial purpose.

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Thanks Nicole
I will come here later when I have more time to concentrate
Tony

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Tony, no rush, it's always good to see you everywhere on Gaia we meet.

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Gaia soulmates has been very quiet for me since I have joined. It may not be the best platform for non-US members because all that you can tell about people like me is that we are not in the US. A little vague, to say the least. :)

A friend of mine here had a bad experience on Gaia soulmates, which is unfortunate too (don't know what happened, but this is one of the risks of these online groups).

So I joined another site, and this one looks much more promising. Right away someone mailed me, and we have exchanged a couple of messages on a friends level. Will take it slow.

The site also prompts you toward people who seem to match your profile so if I were anxiously wanting to be pursuing people, which I am not, I could have a field day.

It will be interesting to see how things go.

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may your innermost wishes manifest

love

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Thanks so much dear friend!

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So, I have had two people contact me so far on that other site (still nothing from Gaia soulmates) but there don't seem to be many people from my area at all, so I decided to try e-harmony. If this doesn't work I will give up for now :)

I am enjoying the process. I feel no rush to get involved with someone or to pursue a possibility. It is relaxed, lots of open space. Feels good.

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sounds relaxed and liberating

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Anna, it really is. I have had a wonderful weekend - blogged about the choir party yesterday and today was a delightful follow up to that, a day of mostly spending time outside, good combination of alone time and social time, exercise and rest. Very satisfying. And I continue to correspond with this person or that one without any sense of needing to know or control how it will be, until I know what I must do.

Hugs,

Nicole

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try and keep this amazing attitude always

love

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It is a gift to me right now. I know my feelings will change from time to time, and doubt and the desire to grasp will probably arise again, but I am deeply enjoying the freedom of the grace I inhabit now.

Hugs,

Nicole

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Nicole the depth of your enjoyment of this state of liberation can ensure you don't ever fall back into grasping - it really can. 

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Thanks, Anna!

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I have been enjoying three ongoing conversations by email and/or online chat with new friends, two I found here on Gaia, one I found on one of those dating sites (with whom the conversation went in unexpected ways yesterday).

It has been really delightful just to spend time getting to know people bit by bit while feeling a lot less of the usual inner pressure to figure out if this is “going anywhere”. 

I am getting more interested in the guy I met on the dating site. But I am trying to maintain a realism about it - he lives far away and has no interest in moving, I have no flexibilty to move for the next five years or so. And there are other factors…

That actually helps keep the usual reflexes in check somewhat :)

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i am finding myself very much alive to my life, so much so that sleep is becoming even more of an issue. It's exciting and challenging at the same time. But I am very grateful for this time in my life.

I am feeling very happy and not lonely these days, now that I have even more close friends.

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my latest blog poem:
Fire of Life

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you're sounding in such a good space, Nicole. It may be nice if you post your poem here. The challenge is to stay this alive through the 'ups and the downs' - basically being in touch with self in each moment

love

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Thanks so much, Anna,

Fire of Life

fire

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Love fills my life, love fulfills and drives me forward, love is everywhere I go, everywhere I see. I can`t believe that only in July I was still so hesitant, so doubtful, so fearful. My life is a rich tapestry of many loves, much beauty. I am deeply grateful.

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embracing your joy, Nicole

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thanks, Anna, love - so much appreciating your support and guidance.

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EE CUMMINGS - YOU BEING IN LOVE

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Nicole I love the way you spill over into poetry!

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For me, poetry and music speak my heart better than any other means.

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By Philip Glass from the Orphee Suite (Orpheus)

Orphée Suite - Orphée's Bedroom


Tenderness, intimacy, the role of death in life… the Orpheus myth is a powerful love story.

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Love fills my heart from so many many close friends now, and yet being full and overflowing, my heart always has room for another! I am so blessed to have my friend I have mentioned from the start walking with me, emailing regularly and Skyping every few weeks, and am very much looking forward to seeing him in a few months for a visit.

I am also growing closer to my friend in Scotland as we both work through the joys and stresses of daily life through our email chats. There is someone  in Montreal I like (like like lol as the children say) and yet I am learning patience and not grasping. I don't know what will happen there. There is someone else in Vancouver, strong attraction but … I don't know. Time will tell. My friend in Edmonton is very very busy but when we talk, he is so supportive. 

I am grateful for each person and know it is entirely possible that when love fully blossoms in my life, it may be that it will not be with anyone I know right now.

I had to fire my ex-partner last week and that was painful and very stressful, especially since I was out of town for five days and had to juggle staffing etc in his absence. 

But it is all good, as my friend in Wales would say (haven't heard from him in a while but I know we will talk sometime). My life continues to unfold at a dizzying and exciting rate.

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love flowing to you from yet another friend in South Africa dear one

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thank you, I am refreshed by your loving support!

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Life took a very unexpected turn for me yesterday/today, and I am still dizzied and amazed by it.

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i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any–lifted from the no
of allnothing–human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)E.E. Cummings

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sharing your delight, love

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oh Anna! I can't sleep but life is so wondrous… I am flying!

12. The Windhover by Gerald Manley Hopkins  


To Christ our Lord 

 I CAUGHT this morning morning’s minion, king-
  dom of daylight’s dauphin, dapple-dawn-drawn Falcon, in his riding  
Of the rolling level underneath him steady air, and striding
High there, how he rung upon the rein of a wimpling wingIng his ecstasy! then off, off forth on swing,        
As a skate’s heel sweeps smooth on a bow-bend: the hurl and gliding 
Rebuffed the big wind. My heart in hiding
Stirred for a bird,—the achieve of; the mastery of the thing! 

Brute beauty and valour and act, oh, air, pride, plume, here  
Buckle! AND the fire that breaks from thee then, a billion        
Times told lovelier, more dangerous, O my chevalier!   
No wonder of it: shéer plód makes plough down sillion
Shine, and blue-bleak embers, ah my dear,  
Fall, gall themselves, and gash gold-vermillion.

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My dear one and I have been sharing so much over the past few days. I send him my favourite songs and poems, he opens his heart and tells me how he is feeling about those songs and what is happening in his life. It is so amazing, most surprising and utterly delightful.

here's to opening and upward, to leaf and to sap
and to your(in my arms flowering so new)
self whose eyes smell of the sound of rain


and here's to silent certainly mountains;and to
a disappearing poet of always,snow
and to morning;and to morning's beautiful friend
twilight(and a first dream called ocean)and


let must or if be damned with whomever's afraid
down with ought with because with every brain
which thinks it thinks,nor dares to feel(but up
with joy;and up with laughing and drunkenness)


here's to one undiscoverable guess
of whose mad skill each world of blood is made
(whose fatal songs are moving in the moon 


ee cummings 

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Nicole your joy is contagious! May it flow deep and sweep aside all sorrow

love

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i have forgotten what sorrow is, i think

all is festival!

You, you only, exist.
We pass away, till at last,
our passing is so immense
that you arise: beautiful moment,
in all your suddenness,
arising in love, or enchanted
in the contraction of work.To you I belong, however time may
wear me away. From you to you
I go commanded. In between
the garland is hanging in chance; but if you
take it up and up and up: look:
all becomes festival!Rainer Maria Rilke

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this week has been incredibly intense, many many hours on the phone, sharing more and more deeply from our lives and vision. He is arriving in two weeks to spend a weekend! And I hope to go see him in November. In the meantime we hope and dream together through our emails and comments and grapevine notes and the energies which travel to each other.

starlight wrote this lovely poem inspired by us:

Journey Of The Rose…

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wishing you both joy

love

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joy is ours, overflowing, thank you, dear Anna! I am finally discovering what you and Gien have been talking about… laughing


Sonnet of sonnets - Christina Rossetti

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I have just blogged:

Finding My True Love At Last

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The Lovers

See how in their veins all becomes spirit: 
into each other they mature and grow. 
Like axles, their forms tremblingly orbit, 
round which it whirls, bewitching and aglow. 
Thirsters, and they receive drink, 
watchers, and see: they receive sight. 
Let them into one another sink
so as to endure each other outright. 

Rainer Maria Rilke 

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Heartbeat

Only mouths are we. Who sings the distant heart
which safely exists in the center of all things?
His giant heartbeat is diverted in us
into little pulses. And his giant grief
is, like his giant jubilation, far too
great for us. And so we tear ourselves away
from him time after time, remaining only
mouths. But unexepectedly and secretly
the giant heartbeat enters our being,
so that we scream —-,
and are transformed in being and in countenance.


Translated by Albert Ernest Flemming 

Rainer Maria Rilke 

Re: Song of Wandering

Your Laughter

Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the  moon
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die. 

Pablo Neruda 

Re: Song of Wandering

I have blogged about our two first weekends together:

Weekends with my beloved

Re: Song of Wandering

MEETING AT NIGHT - ROBERT BROWNING