To Experience Love Itself!

Just wanted to start a journal by posting an entry, don't really have anything to say right now, other than this - my intention is to go beyond notions of Love and to experience Love Itself, not my nor other people's beliefs about Love.

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Looking forward to this journey

love

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So I found these two fascinating videos I just wanted to share:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2SGzI4e5OA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vshBnR4Z9x8

Especially the line: “No two people have ever met.”

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The two videos explain why I don't like to date much - I want someone who is as aware of this as I am - that no 2 people have ever met. I want someone who wants something deeper, who truly wants to be seen and who wants to truly see me.

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Before I continue, I have to ask myself - why am I writing a public journal instead of a private one? Can anyone tell me- What is the purpose and benefit of a public journal? What is my intention? Is it to teach through my experiences?
Is it to get unsolicited advice and thus grow? Is it to get support with my intentions? Is it to state my intentions and have people collectively pray for it to manifest in my life? Perhaps that's it! To have people hold my intention for me and hold me in the Light and to have a place where I can voice my beliefs, ideas and experiences with and about love. And perhaps to share my vision of what a loving relationship is and for me to go beyond and deeper than this vision and all these ideas and beliefs.

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God! Kundan - I have asked myself this question sooo many times! I have even been tempted to respond to the Questions and Answers post about What do you find confusing because of thoughts which have arisen due to this.  What and how much does one disclose when one writes publicly - that was my confusion - indeed across the board - which in the end I decided must be determined by the consequences. The only thought I had was that there is nothing that I have felt or thought which has not already been felt and thought a million times over already in the past.  But that is not to diminish our uniqueness either. There is the thread of the universal and the unique in all of us, and so our lives is a swing moving between these two qualities.

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Thanks so much!

A friend of mine wrote the following really beautiful poem. I read it today:

The beauty of the human body lies
in the heart.

Every shape, height, width, or style of human body,
forms around the heart.

When looking at a person,
Knowing they reside in their heart,
And seeing the body almost as petals of a flower,

Unfolding from the heart - not the eyes, or the hair, or the head, or the legs…

One sees true beauty, feels true romance;

Features that might normally be labeled undesirable,
Can be the most luscious, most seductive, most sensual
Characteristics,
When seen as the fringe of the loving heart.

A heart in love will radiate its beauty to the fingertips, to the hair, the eyes,
To the very edge of being,

And a heart in despair, feeling distorted and unfulfilled,
Will in turn radiate such despair, such incompleteness,

Such shame,

Through every fiber.


The eye of Love sees only beauty in ugliness,

And not closed hearts or open hearts,

But opening hearts, and open hearts.

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very moving, Kundan

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Yes, it is indeed, Hummingbird!

I recently wrote this imaginary letter which could be the start to a romantic novel or short story and it does point at what I'd like to experience:

Dear Lover,
I write this to you with a desire to see and feel light upon light, to feel your petals open one by one, to hear your delightful laughter, become louder and louder and cuter and more cute, like bells inside bells ringing, the waves rippling out becoming wider and wider, the Light becoming more and more radiant; to be in the presence of these waves would be such a sweet, wonderful, delightful, ravishing, delicious thing, feeling, experience.

Dear Lover,
Will you let me be there? Will you shine your light? Will you open up for me, for us? Will you?

Dear Lover, will your heart open its gates, its drawbridge, allowing my own waters to flow through you and flood you and drown you, so that only the Real You remains, and you are gone, and yet You are safe, as the Real You is always, always safe, eternal indestructible? Will you trust me with this task? Will you let me be there? Will you let me be the One who does this for you? Of course, you can do this entirely by yourself too. Yet it helps to have 'another' with you as you begin this journey, as we cause this flooding and joining and merging to happen - that being the only reason why we are here, is it not?

Dear Lover,
Does this scare you? This losing of what you think to be you? This gaining of Who You Really Are? Does the unreal you fight back with tooth and claw? Will you tell me to go away just as we are about to merge, just as there are no more flowers, no more waters, no more bells, no more metaphors, not even you AND me, just You AS me, and me AS You, and even that is gone, and there is only Truth, only the Experience, only Love Itself.

Dear Lover,
Do you have the courage to let go of your notions of Love and experience Love Itself? Will you be there for me? for us? And what happens when there is Only Love? Will there still be conflict? Or will it be just Eternal Bliss? And when there is only Bliss, is there a reason any more to live, to live in this world, this world of mere shadows and illusions, so not real? Do you ask yourself these questions? Are you afraid of these answers? I wonder myself - am I so afraid? Is this what I am so afraid of? This Total Union, this merging, this disappearance of me, or what I think to be me, so that there is only that Fragrance without the Flower, that Light without a Source, the directionless, all-pervading Love, the Real Me Inside, the Awareness that is Aware?

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More on what I'd like to experience and the type of woman I'd like to be with:


I love you. I love you. I love you. :) :) :)
I wake up in the morning in a large bedroom in a large house on the beach in Laguna Beach.
My lover is sleeping next to me. She wakes me up with kisses and I kiss her back, and whisper, “I love you.” She smiles so sweetly and whispers back, “I love you too. I love you so much.”


As I walk the streets of Barcelona with my lover's hands in mine, I feel so happy! Suddenly,she slowly turns around, rubs my sides and waists, looks at my eyes lovingly and kisses my lips gently. She smiles so cutely, so sweetly! I feel like my heart is a thousand suns, so big and so warm. I gently whisper into her ears while massaging her shoulders, “I love you.” She smiles that cute smile again and says, “God! That feels sooooo good! You have such an amazing touch! I love you too!”
God! I love everything about this amazing woman! I love her delight in my touch, her smooth, white skin, her smile, her own touch, her hugs, her kisses, her holiness, her fullness, her humility, her self-confidence, her courage, her vegetarian diet, her heart virtue (see http://heartvirtue.com) and of her awareness of it, her healthy lifestyle, her loving nature, her kindness, her thoughtfulness, her big beautiful heart, her openness, open-mindedness and open-heartedness, her initiativeness, her sweetness, her daily meditation habit, her sensitivity, her appreciative, grateful self, her poeticness, her artistry, her music, her dance, the way she sways her butt as she walks, her sexiness, her knowing of the Truth of Who She Really is, her enthsiastic love for me - I love every thing about her!

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More on my vision:

http://iloveyou.gaia.com/blog/2008/10/for_the_senses

http://iloveyou.gaia.com/blog/2009/8/sweetness

http://iloveyou.gaia.com/blog/2006/11/what-is-love

http://iloveyou.gaia.com/blog/2007/4/why-we-love-each-other

http://iloveyou.gaia.com/blog/2007/4/love-making

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these are sharings from the depths of your heart, Kundan. Thank you for opening your heart to us.

love

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Hi Kundan

Your prose reminds me of Rumi
that great lover of humanity

Love is the force of attraction
of the universe with itself

As we are all agents of the universe
all endowed with the same fundamental essence
our attraction to each other
is that force of unification
of the universe with itself

Twoness wanting to merge back into oneness
The search for another who satisfies our soul
is really a search for ourself
our higher self

It is our own obscurations
which cloud our vision
and prevent us from seeing
that fundamental universal essence
in you, me and all living beings
both those we love
and those we do not

The realized beings, the buddhas, the bodhisattvas
are the greatest lover of all
loving all beings
with an equal infinite intensity
as found in our greatest relative love for one being

On our own journey, however
we will attract those
who match our own karmic propesities and habit patterns

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Thanks, People!

Some Reflections on My Journey

I have never had a girlfriend. All of my female friends are very surprised when I mention this. They respond with something like “You seem like such a loving person. You have such a big, beautiful heart. One would imagine that you have had many girlfriends.”

Yes, the huge heart comes from training how to love myself, feel loved and thus be loving no matter what - it is ironically because I have never had a girlfriend that I have this huge heart, or so I suppose. When I was young, I was taught that women were a distraction at best, and at worst, an obstacle to my studies, my education, and by extension, my progress in general.

So I had to expand my definition of love in order to experience love more easily. I also developed friendships with open-hearted people, both men and women, with whom it was easy to be intimate with even though we were (and are) just friends - that is, we hold hands, cuddle, caress, massage each other, kiss,…

Because of this unique journey, and because I am a lover of language, I can't help but notice that the way people use language in America and other English-speaking countries really limits their experience of Love - for example, the term - 'true love' - which means both your significant other and your committed intimate relationship with one person or other - so, how about our love for family, friends, neighbors, coworkers - is that fake love?

The term Love itself is used in a limiting way - people, especially some women I have met, often say “I want Love” when they really mean “I want a boyfriend” - but Love is all around you and within you - you are Love Itself. To use the word in that kind of way automatically prevents you from experiencing love right now, right here in this moment - it means you don't have it and you won't have it until you have that boyfriend.

This is the motivation behind me changing the title of my book and making it into a new book with one of the following titles:

“The Love Secret: How to Experience Love No Matter What”

“Secretly Loved: How to be Your Own Secret Admirer”

By the way, which title do you like more?
And from the title, what do you think the book is about?

The book, The Future of Love, by Daphne Rose Kingma, has also helped me greatly in my journey.

I have quoted from that book in my blogs:

http://iloveyou.gaia.com/blog/2009/8/the-souls-dream-for-us-an-unsual-love-story

http://iloveyou.gaia.com/blog/2009/8/daring-new-forms-of-love

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My journey has been unique - I don't reccomend never having a girlfriend as a way to expand your heart or have a huge heart or be more loving - it is just the way it happened for me.

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Oh Kundan, there are those like you who are loving and yet haven't walked the path of girl friends or sexual\love relationships. My husband Gien is one such person - he spent most of his life in the most loving relationship I have ever heard of with Jopoa his grand mother. We met 5 years after her passing, in his late 40s and fell in love. I am fortunate to be married to an incredible angel!

love

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Thanks, Hummingbird! Is your real name Gael?
I met a girl a few weeks ago at a networking event. I liked her a lot from the first moment I saw her. I have not seen her since.

This Sunday, I finally called her and invited her to have lunch with me - and we are having lunch today. I asked her out for lunch and did not refer to it as a date because:

A. I do not yet know if she is single or not.

B. No one says No to lunch.

I mean, if I said I wanted to have lunch with you, you would say yes, right?

But at some point today I would like to tell her or show her that I am attracted to her while giving her the space to respond in any way she wishes to - I think this is true authenticity, which springs from detachment to the outcome.

What do you think?

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My name is Anna, Kundan.

What do I think?

LOL No one says No to lunch - not true at all!

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Lol. You mean u've said No to a guy before when the guy, like me, does not even give a reason for wanting to have lunch with you?
So maybe she does like me too since she said yes to lunch even though I did not give her a reason - I just didn't or don't want to jump to conclusions! Lol. :)
We shall see. :)

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And thanks, Anna, for telling me about your husband! It is nice to know I am not alone. God! I am such an innocent! :)

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Well, she turned out to be not single. :) But we had a great conversation.
It has been my experience that no one ever said No to lunch to me. Everyone always said yes, and so I thought it is this way for everyone in the world. :) Lol

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lol, you know what 'thought' did….
I'm glad the lunch was great

love

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2 ways to live life:

http://iloveyou.gaia.com/blog/2009/9/two-ways-to-live-life#comments

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“What is the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be but why do I so infrequently the person I really am?”

~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer, The Dance

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Kundan, this seems to be lifes journey - becoming that which we truly are

love

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I feel sad right now. I just realized this - whenever I see a new woman in my life, there is the longing to want to fall in love with her in both an absolute way and in an individual way, and the feeling that she won't understand, that few women would, and therefore the One who does, or the Ones who do, would be very very special women. :) :) :)

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Actually, I don't really know why I feel sad. I guess I just do. :)

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Flower, I love you. :) By Me (Kundan Chhabra) :)

Flower, my heart embraces you,
your heart hugs me back,
and I sense you, with All of Me,
And I am becoming you,
and you are becoming me,
and thus I see your beautiful colors, feel your soft petals, hear you, touch you, sense your sweet fragrance
and as you become me, and I become you, you become you again, and I become me again,
and thus I define you as 'flower'.

But what do you define me as?

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For Eros

By John O'Donohue

When you love,
May you feel the joy
Of your heart coming alive
As your lover's gaze
Lands on your eyes,
Holding them,
Like the weight of a kiss,
Deepening.

May the words of love
Reach you and fluster
Your held self,
The way a silhoutte of breeze
Excites a meadow.

When you are touched,
May it be the gentleness
You desire,
Your lover's hands sending
Each caress deep into your skin
Like a discovering glance.

May slow sequences
Of kisses discover
Your secret echoes…….

In the gaze of your lover,
May your see clearer
In the mirror
Of your own being.

May the silences
Be spaces where you
Can gather swiftly,
As ease with all
The subtle complexity.

May you be able to listen
To your lover's heartbeat
And think only of the joy
You can awaken.

May you be able
To let yourself fall
Into the ocean rhythm,
Unfolding ever more

Until you become
One crest of wave,
Rising into wild foam

Whose beauty will show
In the graceful sweep
Of its home-breaking.

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http://iloveyou.gaia.com/blog/2008/10/for-the-senses

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To heal is not to 'fix' anything, but to unveil the Truth of Who You Really Are, to reveal to yourself your own inherent Perfection, your own essentially compassionate nature, your own Enough-ness and Wholeness. :)
 
To love is the same or similar - to unfold more of your own grandeur, and thus my own grandeur, and thus experience and create this beautiful, infinite, upward cycle of value creating more value. :) Ah! Sweet Love! Lovely Love! :)
 
If you are reading this, whoever you are, I love you! :)

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I was just loving Swamiji's profile post which says

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If you're the smartest one in your group, you need to get a new group. ~Les Brown

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I am loved. I am so so very very loved. I am more loved than I ever thought before. I am more loved than I can ever imagine. I am more loved than I can ever think is possible.
I am loved, because I am Love Itself.
What does this mean to me?
How can I reconcile this feeling that I am Love Itself with the simulataneous feeling that I am also separate, that in fact perhaps, maybe, I HAVE to be also separate to live?
I got an interesting revelation today at the meditation at AUM.
These words came to me or through me:
“I am the intersection of infinite sets.” This is why or how I am Love Itself, and yet separate, at least within this world of duality.
Thus, you are also the the intersection of infinite sets, but different sets - that is, some of your sets intersect with mine, but not all, and this is how we create a separate You and a separate I out of the inifinite connections we all share, the Infinite Connection which we all are.
This is how I finally get to create a model of the world for myself at least, useful to me, that harmonises the yin and yang, masculine and feminie, boundary and boundarless, definite manifest and infinite unmanifest.
And yet, there is also just the softest brush of a feeling inside me that there must also be the Intersection of all Intersections - this must be the Place where Inspiration comes from.

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what a beautiful and fascinating post, Kundan!

Under the Mercy,

Nicole

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Bows

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Thank you so much, Anna and Nicole!

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Indeed, for most people, the symbol for love is that of 2 broken hearts joined together. For me, the symbol for love is that of 2 FULL pots of water overflowing towards each other. :)

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So, to celebrate the launch and release of my new book, Secretly Loved: How to be Your Own Secret Admirer, to be released on Valentine's Day 2010, I am giving free hugs, tomorrow! Yup. I am gonna be on Ring Road tomorrow on the campus of University of California, Irvine, with a big free hugs sign, giving hugs to anyone who wants one. I figured this is a perfect way to promote my book since this is what the book is all about - instead of waiting for someone to come and save me or “attracting my soulmate”, it is about experiecing Love in the Now, right here, right now. I kind of also want to create a movement around the book, and so I would really appreciate if everyone who reads this also gives free hugs tomorrow, even if it was not with a free hugs sign, but simply something as simple as walking up to a complete stranger in coffee shop, and asking, “Would you like a hug?” And hugging that person if he says yes. Yup, get out of your comfort zone too. Or even something as simple as going up to a stranger and saying, “Hi! I don't know you, but I just wanted to say that you look really beautiful!” It will make someone's day! :) :) :)

So I will be giving free hugs tomorrow from 12:30PM to 3:30 PM PDT.

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Taking the opportunity to hug you, loved one.

I love your words - 'free hugs' - it's is true that not all hugs are free.
too many are conditioned, conditional and not wings of love wrapping themsselves around

love flows

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Hugs to you too, Anna!

It was very awesome! I had a lot of fun!!! :) :) :)
It was interesting to see the different responses from different people. Some were so enthusiastic they came running towards me, saying, “I love free hugs!!!!” and giving me a really nice hug. Some gave me funny looks. Some said, “How about a hand shake?” LOL. I guess the free hugs were meant more for such people than for the enthusiastic ones - it opened the possibility of a greater lover for them. :) :) :)

Some were curious about why I was doing it. I had the opportunity to tell them about my book and website. :) :) :)

http://BeYourOwnSecretAdmirer.Com

I have video footage of some of it which I will post later. :) :) :)

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Well done, Kundan! This is so inspiring! Just imagine if you met Amma!

love flows

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Hi Anna! I have actually met Amma! And I have hugged her, and she has hugged, and it was good. :)

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I have something to write about. I don't know how to write about it.

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let the writing come when its ready….

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oh what a blessing to have had this inspiration from Amma! My daughter Gra-anna also had this wonder filled experience

love flows

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Dear Kundan
how much I would love it if free hugs could fly or be put in the post as a first class package, which surely they must all be!  that I could be on the West coast to give them and receive them and then give them away once more!  I cannot get love out of my head, even when I know I am supposed to be concentrating on the practicalities of living my new single life.  So I try to remind myself to “breathe down” even though I feel like I have been sleepwalking for many months now……  It is good what you write.  My spirit thinks of you even while I am elsewhere in body. Many blessings.

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Wow! Winterfruit! I love the passion of your words. Many Blessings to you as well! Virtual (((((Hugs))))) to you! :)

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Recently, I met an awesome girl! And the more I know her, the more I like her. For example, yesterday, we had our first hang-out together, just me and her. And I learnt that she actually has the words “Wake up to Love all those who have fallen asleep” tattooed on her arms! How cool is that?!!! :) :) :)

We hugged trees together. We hugged each other. We meditated together, that is, partner meditation, looking deeply into each other's eyes, experiencing the Oneness. We walked in the park. We went restaurant-hopping and had free tea samples, yogurt samples. It was fun! And not the typical things people do together when they first hang-out. Which is exactly the way I wanted to be. :) :) :)

Perhaps I shall talk more about this later. :) :) :) I am so happy and excited right now! And a bit scared since I am not sure if she feels the same way about me.

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happy for you, love. May love always flow to your heart

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The thing is, I want to love her, not what is in my head. I don't want to fall in love with an idea. I'd rather love the person right in front of me. I think, for the first time in my life, I have met someone who understands that. I'd rather have what A Course in Miracles refers to as a Holy Relationship, and not a Special Relationship.

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Thrilling! thrilling! 

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Thanks, Anna! Much Love to u as well! (((((Hugs))))) :)

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Kundan, love is in the heart and so is she - as is everything you perceive

how wonderful

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Hi Anna! Thanks so much for your comment. I don't know if everything I perceive is in my heart. I think some of it is in my head. In the past, I have idealized some of the women I have met, and they, like me, turned out to be as flawed as everybody else. And it was a bit of a disappointment. Had I been more real and been aware that although, inside, we are indeed Perfection Itself and Love Itself, we also have these false layers or shells full of flaws, it would have been more satisfying for me. :) :) :)

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The heart will always tell you when you're 'in your head', love

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wishing the two of you a deep dive into the heart of Love,

hugs,

Nicole

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Thanks so much, Nicole! ((((Hugs)))) :)
You know, I rarely change or edit any of my poems after they are written. But after reading the book, The Dance, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, and especially after pondering the question on the cover of the book: What if the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be but Why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am?

Well, I have decided to change a litte bit of the first verse of my poem What is Love? which originally went like this:

“Love is
whenever I realize that you are wonderful,
and that I am wonderful,
and from that place of equality,
serve you
and help you become
grander than you already are.”

The new version goes like this:

“Love is
whenever I realize that you are wonderful,
and that I am wonderful,
and from that place of equality,
serve you
and help you unfold
even more of the Magnificence which you already are.”

I like that word “unfold” - it recognize the false shells or layers which we all have while also recognizing our inherent Perfection inside.

I am reminded of the Rumi verse:

“Oh Sweet Bitterness!
I will soothe you!
I will heal you!
I will bring you Roses!
I too have been covered with thorns!”

:)

I love you all, and I believe in you!
:)


(((((Hugs)))))

and Sweet Kisses,

Kundan :)

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loving that Rumi, and your open-hearted editing and reflecting,

Much love,

Nicole

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“I shall make this body a lamp,
and my tender heart shall be its wick.
I shall fill it with the scented oil of my young love,
and burn it bright
night and day
at Your Shrine.”
~ Rumi :)

I went to hear a medium give a talk the other day and do some mediumship. She first channelled Mother Mary, and Mother Mary Spoke some beautiful words! “If you only knew how beautiful and wonderful you are! If you only knew how MUCH you are loved!” :) :) :)

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If you only knew Kundan, beloved!