PERSONAL EXPERIENCES

Here is a personal experience, I named it, The Wolf Story.

Once a week or so was movie day at school, and we got to sit in class and watch a movie, which was usually a documentary. I remember one in particular that will always remind me of myself. It was about a man in Spain who raised packs of wolves on his land because they were becoming endangered as a species. The man talked about the history of the wolf and what was causing them to become endangered. One day he witnessed a female having pups and took a newborn pup to raise. He said when wolf pups are born the first thing they smell would always be their “mother.” He took the pup home and raised it on a bottle. After taking care of it and observing it for a year he came to realize that she was not happy, and he thought she needed to be with her own kind. He kept a detailed record of the pup's pack and knew exactly where her mother and siblings stayed on his land and released her back to them. They did not reject her, but she rejected them because she did not know she was a wolf. The first thing she smelled was a human and that's what she thought she was. He saw that he could not leave her there and took her back home where she laid down all alone. The man realized that the wolf did not know her true nature and probably would never know it, and he said that he would never do this to another animal again.

The first time I saw this documentary I did not see any further than a story about wolves, but the second time I watched it I saw myself as the wolf. I have experienced the same thing. When I heard the man say the wolf would probably never know its true nature I realized why I have felt so confused all my life. I was not who I thought I was. He said the wolf would lie around and you could see her and tell that she was very confused, unhappy and lost. This is how I have always felt, like lying around the yard not knowing what to do and when I did do something I did not like it. I was not happy.

I knew then without a doubt that I am spirit and I was going to find my true nature. I am what keeps the body alive and I have to remember who I am, who my real father is. I could see what happened to me, the same as what I always heard about wild animals turning on their masters sooner or later because they return to their nature. No, it is not that at all. The animal is just unhappy because it's not its self, its true nature, and the farther it gets away the unhappier it becomes, the angrier it becomes. It is because the animal believes it is a human.

This is the same problem we have as humans-we think and believe we are human when we are really spirit but we do not know that we are. All my life I felt different from others. I felt I don't like them, I don't belong here, I need to go somewhere, do something. I felt as if I were dropped off here and I am not from here, no one is like I am. The older I got, the further away I got from my true nature, and the anger and resentment grew inside of me because I did not like myself. The anger and resentment started coming out more and more, and I would lose control and blame others for pushing my button. The angrier I felt, the less I wanted to live, and I began to cover these feelings up with drugs, alcohol, sex and money. Nothing helped me-it only covered up my problem for a short time and then it was back the next day and growing bigger. People around me, my family and my friends could see this happening to me. Little did they know that the same thing was happening to them. They could not see it in themselves but had no problem seeing it in everybody else! It was not until I was locked up that I saw it in so many others and I could see that there was something wrong with me.

I had been taught all my life that I was human, just as the wolf was raised human. The wolf never saw or learned anything about a wolf, and it would be hard to teach her that she is a wolf after raising her to be a domesticated pet. She was not allowed to be her true nature and was truly trapped within herself. This is the same thing that happened to me. I was trapped, imprisoned within myself. Sure, you can say we are human! Then what about all this God stuff? We are human, we are spirit, and the human part dies and the spirit lives forever. Why, then, are we taught so much about human nature and nothing or very little about spirit nature?

Re: PERSONAL EXPERIENCES

Thanks for the story, my brother.

I can identify. It took me eight years of recovery to find spirit in me, expressing through me as me when my judgments get out of the way. It's my goodness, my integrity, that i denied all my life and then was angry with the world for not acknowledging it.

Since age 13 I was angry at my parents and the world for separating me from my twin brother in high school and lived a false self ever since, - a self of rebellion and anger, trying anti-capitalism, anti-autoritarianism, anti-nuclear, anti-German, anti-white, and finally anti-myself. Got almost killed in the process, but didn't wake up. Thought I needed to be right. 
Only when I saw that i knew nothing and was wrong in everything i ever tried, I could choose peace of mind and happiness above being right, above that foolish story they call my life. That's when I learned that peace and love, joy and freedom are parts of me, aspects of spirit as me, available at all times as soon as I remember to express them.

One love.