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Thanks for the story, my brother.
I can identify. It took me eight years of recovery to find spirit in me, expressing through me as me when my judgments get out of the way. It's my goodness, my integrity, that i denied all my life and then was angry with the world for not acknowledging it.
Since age 13 I was angry at my parents and the world for separating me from my twin brother in high school and lived a false self ever since, - a self of rebellion and anger, trying anti-capitalism, anti-autoritarianism, anti-nuclear, anti-German, anti-white, and finally anti-myself. Got almost killed in the process, but didn't wake up. Thought I needed to be right. Only when I saw that i knew nothing and was wrong in everything i ever tried, I could choose peace of mind and happiness above being right, above that foolish story they call my life. That's when I learned that peace and love, joy and freedom are parts of me, aspects of spirit as me, available at all times as soon as I remember to express them.
One love.
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