NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

There are no
misunderstandings;

There are only failures to
communicate.

- Anonymous

I thought failure to communicate was a misunderstanding…

Your thoughts???

Re: NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

i don't think good ol' anonymous got it right this time.
sometimes a great effort is made to communicate but due to various assumptions made by the people communicating - a misunderstanding can indeed happen.  … or in case of written communication like this -  the intention behind a message can be completely misunderstood - depending on the tone and  language used…. it is easier to understand intention behind a message when you see the person you are communicating with - inflection of voice and body language etc…
still - if a communication is misunderstood, then i think there is still the opportunity to learn from the experience… to know oneself better as well as the other person.

Re: NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

I agree in principle Christine, but my experience thus far has been that misunderstandings have lead to not just failing to communicate, but others who have misunderstood me making it impossible to communicate by blocking me denying the opportunity to sort it out..

Which I think is the epitome of arrogance and exacerbates the problem but is apparently acceptable practice as in each case it has been an ambassador that has blocked me, and it is still happening.

All I've learnt from that experience would have me kicked out of Gaia.com if I expressed it here.

-an eccentric Aussie

Re: NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

Andrew,

Fer xxxx's sake dude, don't do anything rash.  (heh heh) I have gotten cross-ways with more than a few of the bleeding deacons around here and managed to pull back, look at me own piece of the deal, step back up and own it without rippin' away.  I've had enough of that in my life coming from the army and 25 yrs at sea, and loggin' and the railroad and all manner of other manly endeavor where you either put up or shut up.  It does not seem to be that way here where people can just talk out of their ass and drop all sorts of innuendo and when you call them on it they scream that you are attacking them.  From there, it goes nowhere.  So I have learned to forgive the bastards and make sure that I don't step out again without having done some inward looking to see what it is in me that is so friggin' triggered by another's missteps.

I suspect that you know all of this shit and I only dare to put it out there because I would appreciate it if someone else treated me this way when I got out of sorts.

cheers,
Michael

Re: NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

I suggest that whenever you come across a post by one of these folks, just ignore it.  Avoid them altogether. 

Re: NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

I think what the quote means is that there isn't some ultimacy of misunderstanding and that there is just the case that people fail to persevere or allow themselves to understand others. At least, that's how I read into it.
But anyway, we all have so many agendas, even one's that we might not know about. And sometimes we care most about following those agendas through. So, perhaps, when something or someone comes up that doesn't fit into our agenda, we don't want to know about that thing or person. We almost want to erase that thing or person, or that person's ways.

Re: NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

The quote and the posts that followed, along with some recent personnel issues at work, make me think the following:

I think it is easier to be patient with misunderstandings when the misunderstandings hold no negative consequences. 

When someone is very closed to communication, or responding in defensive manner, it can become frustrating when the whole exchange (or lack of) can impact oneself.

Even in a situation of little consequence, and even though patience would be considered noble, should we consider ourselves obligated to take that time when doing so itself becomes the negative consequence?

As for the quote itself, I think that it is the same thing, yes…. but the difference is a shift in blame – almost.  It is moving from passive to active…. with failure to communicate putting the responsibility back on ourselves. 

Re: NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

Hi Tamra,

If the message they have received isn't hostile or offensive, I realise it has to be seen in this light by the recipient, what could cause someone to respond defensively?

I have ongoing issues with some members of Gaia where the reaction has been extremely defensive and for the life of me I don't have a clue why.

Previous communication has been clear, friendly, light hearted and the next thing I know it goes belly up.

You said

when the misunderstandings hold no negative consequences. 

what would you consider to be a negative consequence?

I've had various adjectives used to describe my writing style… hostile, aggressive, sarcastic, intimidating, negative and insensitive.

In real life I'm none of these things, it hasn't ceased to amaze me though how some have read me that way.

That is why I'm pursuing this with you Tamra.

I could just let it go but I think good communication is the lifeblood of Gaia and I'd much rather be disliked as a person than be misjudged because of my writing style.

An eccentric Aussie

Re: NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

An example of a negative consequence would be being banned from Gaia.

These misunderstandings can be frustrating under any circumstances, especially since many of us prefer to be understood - for our true meaning and intentions.  However, add in a negative consequence that seems to have more finality than a temporary misunderstanding  (i.e. being banned, or being “muzzled”), and suddenly there are stakes involved which increase the frustration as well as the need for being understood.

Now, to try taking things from their perspective…. what could they be afraid of?  What could be at stake for them?  What need(s) do they have?  What could be potentially threatened?

Also, it is a misunderstanding, or a disagreement?


People respond usually with their own “filter” in place, so they could be filtering your writing in a way that is not aligned to your intentions or meaning.  Add in that Gaia has a world-wide audience of many cultures, and it is ripe for misunderstandings.   However, even those speaking to one another within the same culture will have communication breakdowns due to how people project their own personal interpretations/filters onto another's words.  Filters are formed by culture, including gender, one's own experiences or lack thereof, recent issues they are dealing with, their own personal needs and fears, and so on. 

In an ideal situation, people would work through such misunderstandings instead of throwing up a wall or being so quick to cry victim or take action; however, you can't make somebody understand, or force personal growth upon them, and this is a lot easier to accept when there are not negative consequences that could impact you as a result of that person/group.


I empathize with you, and completely see your viewpoint.  Personally, I take joy in your style of communication and simply find you to be refreshingly forthcoming.  Not sure if my comments above help any in understanding where different members of Gaia are coming from or why they might be responding as they do.  Also, understanding is not the same as agreeing – at least, that's what I currently think. ;-) 

Re: NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

Is it a misunderstanding or a disagreement?

Tamra I'm going to print that and tape it to the top of my monitor.

You are forthright.  I expect your family and friends know where they stand with you and know they can rely on you to say what you mean.

I've always seen that as a virtue. 

When I see people agreeing with others to 'keep the peace' or to go with the crowd or pay lip service to that person, I wonder how can that person really be trusted?

I used to work as a truck driver around the wharves, a union dominated area.  I'm not sympathetic to the union ideal of agreement at the lowest common denominator.  I could probably be described as capitalistic in my viewpoint towards remuneration.  I believe the harder you work, or the more productive you are, the better paid or better rewarded you should be.

This is anathema to unions who are more communistic in their philosophy in that everyone should be treated equally irrespective of individual productivity.

I used to debate this with the union shop steward.  Out of that developed a friendship based on mutual respect, because we were both passionate as to our viewpoint and were straight talkers.

I was one of very few friends this bloke had, that he trusted. We disagreed on just about everything but never let that get in the way of respect. And I learnt a lot from him.

I have made friends with many people that I've disagreed with and have learnt so much from interacting with them.

I've found I learn little from those I agree with, all I get is 'reassurance' of a particular point of view.  It is when I've had to substantiate my belief with someone that disagrees that I find out whether I have a solid foundation to my point of view.

And I've grown in my understanding as to why others think the way they do.

The feeling I've had here is that some people seem to think that if they engage in a discussion regarding the merits or reason for their beliefs that this will somehow undermine or invite negativity into their lives.

I'm left wondering just on what basis they have reached their understanding in the first place.

How do people build their lives on beliefs that won't stand up to scrutiny?

You know it makes sense - I'm the village idiot.

Re: NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

I find this thread interesting and have read through everybodies comments and really have nothing to add in conceptualising the idea. 
I have been trying for some time to eliminate misunderstanding in my workplace. For years I have had to manage communication and understanding with the clients I see as well as the multidisciplinary teams I have been in. In the past in a hospital health setting this could be challenging because when people are ill or have relatives who are,  there is a lot of room for emotional “filters” as you so aptly put it Tamra, to create blocks for understanding. There is also the problem of differences in conceptualising health for different allied health workers. When I started working in the community setting I had to adjust my ways of managing understanding but I still thought I was really good at it. I communicated well with my client families, always using respect and an open mind as a basis for my communications.

Then about 18 months ago I clashed unbearably with some work colleagues which shook my confidence in my ability to be conscious of others communication styles and work around them. Our work styles were different and neither of us would change. I decided to make a stand and refused to change my working style to make them feel more comfortable. They “ganged up” in a meeting where I believed we would discuss our differences and agree to disagree and work out alternative ways of dealing with our problem areas. Instead they recited a list of incredible misdeamenors of mine they had cooked up such as blaming me for a parent complaining about the professionality of one of them. This was a parent I had only seen once in a group setting  I was stunned.  

I could accept that they work the way they do but I expect to be accepted too.  I still stand by that decision to not change and the main dissenter who demanded that I change and btw  was junior to me has since left. It has taken myself and the other workers 18 months to rebuild comfortable relations. I have since been told that the girl who left had been a problem for many since before I started there. The problems arose because she decided we all had to agree on work styles and do everything the same. My supervisor said it was about her anxiety levels and we had to be understanding of her. 

This leaves me with the issue of how much damage one person can do in inciting misunderstanding in a workplace by having strong “anxiety filters” that they are unable to see around. Its also why I dont tolerate instances where I feel people are “ganging up”. I like to nip it early because it can creep up sometimes without the people doing it even realising it is happening.

It takes courage to be open and honest and stand your ground while maintaining a respectful and accepting attitude but it feels good when you get it right. 

Re: NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

We appear to have a lot in common Jenny.

Some in the Spiritual Illuminati that I have crossed swords with here have caused major upset for members where the members have been at a loss as to how to respond.

This is one of the main reasons I've put up with the personal insults that have been publiclly aired on another pod.  I receive messages from these people from time to time in support of my stand against double standards.

I've been insulted by experts so the petty nasty comments that crop up are like water off a ducks back to me.  I object only on the basis that it is not in Gaia's best interests to allow this type of personal vendetta to continue.

My objections fall on deaf ears, so I continue doing what I'm doing, trying to make the world a better place, one person at a time.

Gaia provides me with exposure to people that I seem to be able to encourage and help and that outweighs every other consideration.

The rest is just stuff.

It entertains small destructive self centred ego's, that, as in your case, leave eventually or wake up to themselves.  Personally I hope for the latter, it gives me no satisfaction seeing anyone leave Gaia and removing themselves from the overall atmosphere of love, understanding and acceptance.

If they get their jollies leveling personal insults so be it, they'll get tired of it long before it starts getting under my thick hide.

Welcome to the 'Trouble Makers' pod…

An eccentric Aussie

Re: NO MISUNDERSTANDINGS???

I guess for my part I have to gaurd against being too ultrasensitive and I try to be very clear in my communications which, as I think Tamra said, considering there are so many people from all over the world on Gaia. is really necessary. Even speaking the same language is no guarantee that we'll get it right.