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to continue on your point mermaid - “to put oneself in the shoes of the other”, lately I have been using a suggestion in a communication seminar that i attended where the speaker said that people need to use the “Platinum Rule” - “Treat others as they wish to be treated.”
or i guess how i have been interpreting is what are that persons motivations and expectations. if i want to work with that person and have a good relationship i need to understand what they want and help them get there or basically i am not going to get their support on my goals.
i can kind of related it in a real world example in my current job. i have a co-worker that needs to feel that they have control of every situation. they don't particularly like to do all the leg work of a project and they don't necessarily even have to be considered the project manager, just that they have control of what is happening. in the past i have butted heads a little because i would just cruise along the project timeline and if they were not up to speed i might roll right on to the next task….and this would through them into a panic because they would feel left out.
now i do a lot of confirming with this person along the project timeline to make sure they always know where the process is and that they are “involved in decision making” even though they still may not make the final decision. this has made a tremendous difference for both of us…i am able to move along at the speed i am used to and they “feel” that they are controlling the pace.
i am not sure if i have gone off the path too much from the original topic, but i hope this helps.
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