Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Bob Bloom said

Hummingbird, have you ever seen what happens when a group of string instruments are sitting around and someone picks one up and starts to play?  It's really cool to watch because as the musician vibrates the strings on his instrument, the strings with matching notes on the instruments not being played begin to vibrate as well!
 

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

I’ve been trying to heal painful memories of childhood trauma, but the powerful force of PTSD keeps bringing them back.  However, I had a profound healing dream after attending lectures with an elderly Tibetan monk.  In the dream, the monk came to my childhood home, took me by the hand, and lead me into the mine-field of the traumatic domain. On the walls were large photographs from my childhood, which were distorted, out of focus, turned sideways.  With one sweep of his hand, the monk said “These distortions must come down!” and he pulled them off the wall.  (This dream, incidentally, occurred after a Tibetan Empowerment Ritual involving the Boddhisattva, Manjushri, who “swings his sword of Wisdom to dissipate darkness and cleave the clouds of ignorance.”)  

I interpreted this dream as follows:  the photos were literally “negatives” and “prints”, thus negative karmic imprints (samskaras: mental impressions built up over this lifetime).  My “take” (snapshot memories from the “projector” of my mind) was distorted.  The monk (spiritual advisor) said they must go.  With the help of a spiritual guide on the yogic path, I'm seeing the necessity to transform my negative projections; no matter how valid negative events appear to be, my ability to perceive them differently can transform them.  Steps I take include out-picturing a positive world, compassionate understanding, and taking responsibility for my emotional reactions.

For me, sorting things out metaphysically seems to bring a broader understanding than tackling negative emotions head on; defensives only become more agitated through confrontation.  If I feel I need to prove something, probably my inner child needs more honoring, protecting, and nurturing, and spiritual guidance is always available.

I’m grateful for the teaching within this dream, echoed also by my guru, Swami Satchidananda, who wrote,  “The entire outside world is based on your thoughts and mental attitude.  The entire world is your own projection….So, if you have control over the thought forms and change them as you want, you are not bound by the outside world.  You can make it a heaven or a hell according to your approach.  That is why the entire Yoga is based on chitta vritti nirodhah [restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff]….By correcting our vision we correct things outside.  But without correcting the jaundice, however much we scrub the outside things, we are not going to make them white or blue or green; they will always be yellow.  That’s why Yoga is based on self-reformation, self-control and self-adjustment.  When this reformation is accomplished we will see a new world, a harmonious and happy world.“  (Satchidananda, The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, pp. 5,6,9)

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Kathy your sharing is incredibly beautiful and moving. Thank you so much!

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Thank you for sharing your journey with us Kathy,

When we share meaningfully, we all grow together
we all benefit
just as when a student raises a question in class
and that question resonates with so many others

Our childhood is a powerful place for imprinting experiences onto the alayavijnana, the storehouse of consciousness and unfortunately, many of those imprints can be negative. As we grow up, those experiences which caused us anguish and confusion as children remain but get covered over with layer upon layer of new experiences; the later ones hiding the earlier ones so much so that we have lost the original clarity.

For me, sorting things out metaphysically seems to bring a broader understanding than tackling negative emotions head on; defensives only become more agitated through confrontation.

Yes, it seems we humans need to take an approach that really resonates with our heart, that's holistic and embraces our entire being. Things done in isolation never seem to have much ability to permanently transform us. I think “tackling the negative emotions” in isolation is a kind of western, ego-based goal oriented approach that separates things out into neat packages with well delineated borders when in reality, it's not like that at all. Everything is connected to everything else in our life. If we don't take a holistic approach, we have an inner sense of it being artificial.

Rob Nairn in his book “Living,Dreaming, Dying” recommends asking your deeper self these questions, then leaving it, not consciously thinking about it at all and then revisiting it later. In effect, we allow the subconscious mind, just like in dreams, to manifest it's own greater intelligence. In general, I think the eastern approach is more holistic than the western.

In my opinion, and this is a generalization, it's related to the West's preoccupation with the power of analytic thinking and the conscious mind while the East, through thousands of years of experience with our entire being knows that the conscious mind is a very small part of the entire mind.


“The entire outside world is based on your thoughts and mental attitude.  The entire world is your own projection….So, if you have control over the thought forms and change them as you want, you are not bound by the outside world.

Yes, so true. As discussed in an earlier post on this thread, the object “out there” triggers a different response in each “being” who experiences it so it cannot be the source of the problem or discomfort itself; it's our own “minds”. Our conditioning from so many eons ago, evoking almost pavlovian type responses that well up from the aliyavijnana. Until we purify these, they will always be yellow.

Once we are able to observe deeply enough the patterns arising right within us, see them in their formation in realtime, we will have that deep experiential AHA moment of direct seeing into the formation of our own obscurations….just like Bob had and in that moment of pure, direct experience of something so deeply habituated, we will be free….as when turning the light switch on instantly dispells darkness. This is the TRUE taking on of responsibility for ourself in the world.

Our gurus come to us in all shape, form, size, color. Our innate wisdom mind recognizes truth no matter how different it may appear.

There are many gurus here too! Thanking you for your teaching. Namaste

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Dear Gien,  Thanks for your wonderful insights and reflections, again reminding of  the benefits of mindfulness, the dispassionate witnessing of ever-changing emotions and thoughts, the imprints which percolate from the deeper layers of samskaras and the alayavijnana:  

The object “out there” triggers a different response in each being who experiences it, so [the object] cannot be the source of the problem or discomfort itself; it's our own minds, our conditioning from so many eons ago, evoking almost pavlovian type responses that well up from the aliyavijnana.  Until we purify these, they will always be yellow.

Once we are able to observe deeply enough the patterns arising right within us, see them in their formation in real time, we will have that deep experiential AHA moment of direct seeing into the formation of our own obscurations.

Pages from spiritual books opened at random almost certainly offer insights needed for the moment, this one on anger and mindfulness:

“Striking out at somebody in anger is not a very creative or wholesome karmic event in our life.  There are a lot of other ways we can deal with this, but suppressing anger and closing our hearts to ourselves because we are angry is not one of them.  We can trust ourselves when we acknowledge our anger [and] fear.  When we open trust in ourselves, there's enough compassion and self-acceptance to work with these very powerful emotional pulls -they become our work on ourselves instead of a problem.  These mind states are only a big thing when we feed them or fight them.  When we cultivate the mindfulness that can accept them, we acknowledge our wholeness, and see it all as it is.  Just more stuff, more bubbles passing through the vast space of mind….When we can see it not so much as content, but as process, we recognize that all this emotional stuff we take so much to be us is really not so personal.  We don't need to be afraid to see anything.  In a clear seeing of anger or fear or insecurity or doubt, each thing is defused, it doesn't beg for expression, its reactive power is defused.  Mindfulness will cut through it.  And the mindfulness weakens the force of its arising in the future….”   (Stephen Levine, A Gradual Awakening, pp. 55, 56)

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Hi Kathy,

I think that societies all over the world today are, for want of a better word Anger Dysfunctional.

Anger is a natural emotion
but because so many in the world are Anger Dysfunctional
we were brought up absorbing their dysfunction
classic karma in action

As children, we are not usually empowered
and we don't know any better

Our intuition guides us
but even when we know something isn't right
we are compelled to follow those who are suppose to guide us
and so we become painted with their broad brushstrokes of emotions
and it becomes normalized within us

Dysfunctional anger brings divisiveness all around the world
expressed in actions that bring harm to others
It is the emotion that divides the most

For many
there is experienced a need to be “right”,
self-rightousness
based on the fear of being wrong,
the fear of being ridiculed
of being thought a fool

How foolish we are
to hang onto concepts
for they are all temporary
all apparitional in nature
They can only be solidified
by investing emotional fuel into “right” and “wrong”

Anger is the surest sign of ego presence
for who else can be thought of as a fool
other than the intricately weaved construct
known as the ego?

And were we to actually realize the truth
it is the most preposterous of accusations
since fundamentally, we ALL have the infinite mind
we all have infinite potential
By virtue of being alive,
we are ALL representatives of the infinite

We are not greater than the other
by virtue of what we have accomplished in life
for there is NOTHING to accomplish

We are all equally beyond measure
by virtue of simply being

So by falling into the great misconception
we fall from heaven
and directly into the hell of samsaric, cycle existence

Anger is like a hot iron ball
and when it's in us
we don't know how to deal with it properly

Before our eyes, we can only see 2 options,
neither of which is pleasant

Either we spit it out venomously at someone else
or we absorb it ourselves, suppress it, internaliz it

The anger we spit out poisons and hurts others “outside” of us
while the suppressed anger slowly eats away at us “inside” of us

Wherein lies the genuine solution?
It is awareness
penetrate the emotion with awareness
acknowledge it
see it in a way that is new and fresh
as you say
mindfulness

We must
It is our responsibility
both to ourselves
and to others

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

… breathing in the beauty of the posts on this thread, thank you

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

“Steps I take include out-picturing a positive world, compassionate understanding, and taking responsibility for my emotional reactions.”

I like the three steps you've chosen to take Kathy, especially the last one.  Blessings in your journey.  

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Dear Bob, I was thinking of musical instruments as i responded to Gien, thank you for resonating dear one

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Howdy Bob,

I'm replying to an earlier post in Anger Thread 3 here.

You said you resonated with something I said about Living, breathing knowledge or wisdom.


All the books in the world
are meaningless symbols
they don't become meaningful to us
until we read AND absorb the wisdom within them

They are sources of POTENTIAL WISDOM,
just like a glass on a table
is a source of POTENTIAL ENERGY
Until that glass is pushed over
and the potential energy is converted to KINETIC ENERGY in its free fall
the potential to do work remains locked up by virtue of its position
with respect to another solid object
in the earth's gravitational field

And even when we've heard the spoken words of another
or read the written words of another
until we find a meaningful bridge into our own experience
we cannot feel we RESONATE with what is said
and it doesn't feel at home within our mind

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Kathy your post is so remarkable at many levels. One, that you have been able to understand the message in your dream. and two, that you've found how they help more than confrontation, which is usually from the literal, thinking, 'left' brain.

I find that a lot of issues get handled 'just' by light; but yes, that we need to also go through the steps of thinking, knowing, learning, understanding, feeling, acting, willing, expressing [in no particular order]…

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Mayo Clinic - Anger management tips: 10 ways to tame your temper

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Bhattaji these are so useful and practical I just have to bring them over! Thank you for the link

Take a 'timeout.' Although it may seem cliche, counting to 10 before reacting really can defuse your temper.

Get some space. Take a break from the person you're angry with until your frustrations subside a bit.

Once you're calm, express your anger. It's healthy to express your frustration in a nonconfrontational way. Stewing about it can make the situation worse.

Get some exercise. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. Go for a brisk walk or a run, swim, lift weights or shoot baskets.

Think carefully before you say anything. Otherwise, you're likely to say something you'll regret. It can be helpful to write down what you want to say so that you can stick to the issues. When you're angry, it's easy to get sidetracked.

Identify solutions to the situation. Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work with the person who angered you to resolve the issue at hand.

Use 'I' statements when describing the problem. This will help you to avoid criticizing or placing blame, which can make the other person angry or resentful — and increase tension. For instance, say, “I'm upset you didn't help with the housework this evening,” instead of, “You should have helped with the housework.”

Don't hold a grudge. If you can forgive the other person, it will help you both. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want.

Use humor to release tensions. Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Don't use sarcasm, though — it's can hurt feelings and make things worse.

Practice relaxation skills. Learning skills to relax and de-stress can also help control your temper when it may flare up. Practice deep-breathing exercises, visualize a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself, such as “Take it easy.” Other proven ways to ease anger include listening to music, writing in a journal and doing yoga.
 

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Referring to Rumi's Guest House poem above, Anger is like a visitor.

Rumi says, “This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival”.
He says of the unexpected visitors, “Welcome and entertain them all! …. treat each guest honorably…. meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.”
He says, “Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.”

Bringing the awareness of sacredness to each unfolding and therefore the expression of gratitude makes a difference. I'm wondering how others experience this

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

True…..Each of us is a guide from beyond

When we recognize the sacred in others
we return poison arrows with love
and it is the greatest possible lesson
based on action and not words
actions that show we recognize the sacred in them
even if they may not

When we don't recognize the sacred in others
in our words and deeds
that is where suffering appears

When both WE and OTHERS don't recognize it
suffering appears

As Isaac Shapiro, Bob and many others say
when we have no basic recognition of our unconscious habits
nor of the unconscious habits of others
and believe that others make a choice in selfish actions and words
then that leaves us no choice to respond in like manner

Once we recognize the unconcsious patterns in ourselves
that helps us to recognize it in others
and a paradigm shift can occur
from anger to compassion

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Previously, Gien mentioned that 'anger' is a natural and normal human emotion.

To that I would say, maybe.  It depends on ones level of emotional/spiritual maturity.  Said differently, it depends on whether we identify most strongly with the animal nature within us or with the divine.   

There is an old parable that aligns quite strongly with this thought.  In it, an old medicine man is talking to a young aspirant who has just embarrassed himself by his angry behavior.   The old man says to the younger, “Three Bears, within me there are two wild dogs fighting for attention.  One is sweet and innocent and the other is mean and vicious.”

“Who will win this fight Grandfather?” the young man asks.

“The one I feed the most,” the old man replies.  

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

That is a funny joke.  Thanks for telling it.

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

I'll go learn from the Grandfather, Bob

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Perhaps this will help explain what I mean, Bob

This is from Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche
more

In Tibet, there is a plant called tsenduk. It is a very poisonous and a small amount can kill a person. Yet it is also a very powerful drug that can cure many ailments.

Any of our emotions can be like this plant, which of itself is neither dangerous or beneficial. Those qualities only come into existence to the one who relates to it.
So anger can be poisonous and dangerous or it could be a powerful drug that can cure an ailment.

In Buddhism, there are 3 paths with respect to harmful emotions: abandoning, changing and recognizing. The Hinayana approach is to abandon, the Mahayana to change and the Vajrayana to recognize.

The essence of the 5 poisons is space and wisdom, or “empty cognizance”. The emotions do not need to be transformed into empty cognizance, they are already empty cognizance. An emotion is merely a motion of mind not knowing itself.

When one becomes involved in a disturbing emotion, at the moment that you remember to recognize it as basically pure, you don't have to suppress it and the poison has the possibility of spontaneously transforming itself, without any effort on your part, into a wisdom. Of course, the negative emotion is impure but the vital difference of its effect depends on how it is viewed.

To recognize the pure nature of anger is called the Mirror-like wisdom. To spontaneously transform poisons into medicine through recognition definitely requires pith instructions. When this is recognized, the suffering associated with the normal afflictive emotion is spontaneously decoupled.

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Bob and Gien thank you for continuing to deepen our discussion. When I look back into the threads, I see similarity between what you are saying and also a range of variations on the subject.

Each voice in this discussion has brought it's own nuance and resonance and for this we are grateful..

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

When ever anger is about to come, you can train yourself to see the object of your anger in a different light. Any person or circumstance which causes anger is basically relative; seen from one angle it makes you angry, but seen from another perspective you may discover some good things in it. We lost our country, for example, and became refugees. If we look at our situation from that angle, we might feel frustration and sadness, yet the same event has created new opportunities - meeting with other people from different religious traditions, and so on. Developing a more flexible way of seeing things helps us cultivate a more balanced mental attitude.
This is one method.

The Dalai Lama


Peace as a goal is an ideal which will not be contested by any government or nation, not even the most belligerent.

Aung San Suu Kyi


“The limitation of riots, moral questions aside, is that they cannot win
and their participants know it. Hence, rioting is not revolutionary but
reactionary because it invites defeat. It involves an emotional
catharsis, but it must be followed by a sense of futility.”

“Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon. which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.”

“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.”

“It is not enough to say we must not wage war. It is necessary to love peace and sacrifice for it.”

“We who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive.”

“Have we not come to such an impasse in the modern world that we must love our enemies, or else? The chain reaction of evil - hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars - must be broken, or else we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.”

“Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal.”

Martin Luther King Jr


“Affirm divine calmness and peace, and send out only thoughts of love and goodwill if you want to live in peace and harmony. Never get angry, for anger poisons your system. Try to understand people who cross you, and whenever anybody tries to inflame you, mentally say: “I am too comfortable to be angry. I don’t want to be sick with anger.”

“To be calmly active and actively calm – a Prince of Peace sitting on the throne of poise, directing the kingdom of activity – is to be spiritually healthy…. Too much activity makes one an automation and too much calmness makes one lazy and impractical. Peace is the enjoyment of life; activity is the expression of life. A balance between the activity of the West and the calmness of the East is needed.”

“As you find your soul-reservoir of peace, less and less controversy will be able to afflict your life.”
 
“If your husband or wife gets angry and rouses your ire, take a little walk and cool off before responding. If he or she speaks sharply, don’t retort in the same way. It is better to remain quite until the temper has cooled down….”

“Never let anyone rob you of your peace; and do not steal away the peace of others by your verbal misbehavior… ”

Yogananda
 

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

“It is not enough to say we must not wage war. It is necessary to love peace and sacrifice for it.”

“Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal.”

Hummingbird, thank you for this beautiful post.  It sings to me.

Dear Gien, please forgive me if I gave you the sense that an explanation was necessary.  It was not.  I value your insights and willingness to share brother.

  

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Hi Bob,

There's no need to ask forgiveness,
Differences are beautiful
this is what this thread is all about
learning to respect each others differences
instead of sticking stubbornly to our own points of views
that's what gets us in trouble
solidifying our own ideas

It's not about agreeing or disagreeing
it's all about sharing
with a spirit of benefiting each other
there will always be points where living beings will agree
and points where we disagree
it's the nature of our individual paths in life
what's important is to recognize
that we are all vehicles for the same sacredness
and knowing that deeply
we come always from an attitude
of compassion and loving kindness

From your “maybe” I thought that perhaps my sharing did not go deep enough
so I was just adding a bit more to that

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Hurdling Life Challenges

Lord knows we react in all kinds of different ways when life becomes difficult.  At least I know I do.

The last few years have been financially difficult for me.  I've always had what I needed, but it's been like driving around town when your car's gas guage reads empty.  You know you have a little gas left; you're just not sure if it will get you where you want to go.

This month has been especially difficult, financially speaking.  I began a new commission based job about four months ago and, up till now, have earned what I required to pay the bills, but this month has been a struggle.  I haven't earned a dime and the month is quickly coming to a close.  Of course, I'm not alone in this.  As a whole, the industry I'm in has been suffering and many others in my organization are in the same boat.  It's a day to day struggle.

Primarily, the struggle has been to maintain a positive attitude when, day after day, I'm sorting through the same old dead leads just to keep myself busy.  It's easy for boredom to kick in …and when my primary purpose in being here goes unfulfilled, it's easy to grow frustrated and angry.  Such was the case last night.

For most of the day yesterday I was able to look past the difficulty of my present condition, but on my way home from work I felt a wide range of emotions creep up on me including: dismay, tension, stress, frustration and anger.  My upper back and neck hurt and the exhaustion of 'doing nothing all day' hung on me like a cold, wet jacket.  I wanted to scream …and I did …just for fun.

As is my practice, however, I recognized that the emotions I was feeling were a signal to dig a little deeper …to look underneath the emotions and see what truth they were obscuring.

Of course, the most difficult part of this task is to fully embrace the uncomfortable feelings and make peace with my feeling them.  “I'm feeling angry,” I reminded myself, “And that's okay.  I'm not going to make anybody right or wrong for feeling the way that I do.”

Next, I fully embraced what I was feeling, breathed easily for a bit and tuned in a little deeper.  What I discovered beneath the anger was fear.  I was afraid that I wouldn't have what I needed to pay the bills this month.  Even more, failure to pay one of the bills could result in a $250,000 judgment being reinstated.  The thought of that was terrifying.

“Okay,” I'm feeling fear and that's okay,” I reminded myself, “I'm not going to make anybody right or wrong for feeling the way that I do.”

As I reminded myself of this, I remembered that when we go into a fear state the body releases chemicals that, among other things, causes the blood to rush from the forebrain to the hindbrain, the part of our brain that handles survival thinking.  Once that happens, we literally become less intelligent because our capacity for higher reasoning and creative thought rests in the neo-cortex, the forebrain.  Conversely, the hindbrain is a storehouse of past memories of struggle, suffering and pain, and when we identify with those thoughts 'fear and anger' arises because we automatically go into fight, flight or freeze mode in response to the perceived threat.  Of course, in a 'true' survival setting, when our physical wellbeing is actually in jeopardy, survival thinking and the fight/flight/freeze response is important.  It's purpose is to keep us alive.  However, when this response is triggered for psychological reasons, it is a detriment, because it robs us of our ability to reason.  “Breathe, breathe'” I reminded myself, “Breathe.”

Next I asked myself, “Is it true?  Will I not have what I need?”

“Hmmm, I don't know.  I don't know if I'll have what I need or not.”   I remind myself of this because I never really do know, do I?  I don't have all the answers.   

I remind myself of this because the simple act of reminding myself that I don't have all the answers helps to quite my mind by interupting the story currently being played out there.  It allows me to see that the fear I'm feeling is the result of my projecting fearful outcomes into the future.  “This future isn't here yet,” I remind myself again, “Do I have everything I require right now?”

“Yes, I do.”

This series of simple reminders, that I don't have all the answers, that it's okay that I feel the way I do, that I have what I need in this moment right here and now, and to breathe, breathe, breathe, have the effect of unwinding my mind and bringing it to a place of calmness.  Then, from that place of peace, I can intuitively inquire, “What's the real reason for my present state of mind?  What is the underlying cause of this pain?”

It was then that I recognized that I'd slipped back into ego identification.  As such, I was believing that 'I' had to make something happen.  It was all up to little old me.  God was nowhere in sight.  That's when I started laughing.

I began to laugh because I saw clearly that the anger, dismay, fear, stress and struggle I was feeling had nothing to do with my present circumstances; the long, boring, unproductive days, or the fact that I don't curently have enough money to pay the bills at the end of the month.  Nor was it because a large financial hatchet was hanging over my head.  These emotions arose because I had moved my awareness out of timelessness and into time.  I had temporarily forgotten that I'm not the doer.  What happens in my life is done through me, not by me.  My job is to do the best I can in every moment and allow the chips to fall where they may.  I don't have control over results, only what I put into each moment.  My pain was caused by the fact that I had temporarily usurped the role of God and made myself responsible for the future.  “Hmmm,” I thought, “Maybe I should give that role back to God.”

In other words, my pain and panic arose because in that moment I forgot God.  It was a matter of remembering and trust.  Thus, in that moment, I gave my heart and mind back to God with the following prayer.

“Please forgive me for forgetting.  I love you.  If possible, please lift this burden from my shoulders.  I freely give it to you to handle as you see fit.  Use me.”

The drive from work to home is a twelve minute drive.  By by the time I walked in my front door the heaviness I'd been feeling was lifted and I was feeling hopeful and at peace.  Even now, I don't know what the future holds, but that is unimportant.  Life is all about the Now, and when I get wrapped up in future events, I lose the GIFT of the PRESENT!  The difficult situation and uncomfortable feelings that arose were just a reminder to remember.

Be well         

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

The human BEING was momentarily evicted from the body
replaced by the human DOING!

Perhaps Bob, this multiyear journey in Samsara is one huge and important lesson to you….a gift from beyond. you have learned so much about yourself from it….in a way that would simply not have been possible had this not happened to you.

When obstacles come and we are open to meeting them, they become our greatest teachers. The wisdom you gain moves you closer towards your own inner peace.

It sounds like this teacher has not finished teaching you yet! More lessons on the way.

We have habituated ourselves over many eons to forget our greatness and we continue habitually going back to the limited being.

That anger points to the underlying fear, as you observed….a fear of a major paradigm shift and our old friend…. uncertainty.

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“Perhaps Bob, this multiyear journey in Samsara is one huge and important lesson to you….a gift from beyond. you have learned so much about yourself from it….in a way that would simply not have been possible had this not happened to you.”

Yes, Gien.  I recognize and accept this.  My attitude is that Life doesn't happen to me, it happens for me.  At present, I am well aware of my divine nature AND willingly choose to dance between worlds.  :)

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(May be many of you would be annoyed as i'm interfering you all suddenly, yet, hope there won't be serious problem as all are discussing, how to (do I) deal with anger?) and may be bye know all know how to deal with it :)

Hope all of you would find interesting reading the following statement which i found in the book, “The Path of Purification” while dealing with ethics….

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peacehunter, thank you so much! you are most welcome and this is beautiful and helpful.

much love,

Nicole

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

You are so welcome, dear Shuva, to this discussion by the wonder filled open windows in our midst. Thank you for sharing this beautiful text so full of wisdom!

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Thank you, Nicole and Anna,

“The Wise who control their body, speech and mind are indeed well-controlled”

;)

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

If we are open
we receive the gifts from the beyond
no matter where they come from

While we still perceive ourselves as two
Receptivity is what allows communications between the universe and I
not stereotyping what forms these gifts will take
because they often come
during the tumultuous times

There is the holding back, the try-everything-we-can
and along with that
a whole lot of stress
then

grace happens


and there is




s   p     a    c     e



a     a      a       h        h!        r   o    o   m        to        b   r   e   a   t   h   !


we try not to let go
do our best
fight the good fight
and when we have to surrender
we do
we let go completely

and relax into our new paradigm in life

Life, our greatest and only teacher
who comes to us in such great variety of forms
as human forms, as nonhuman forms
coming here to teach us
about letting go…..

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Bob giving you a hug right here in the present!

When the scary stuff looms up on the horizon it is so often met by root chakra survival responses.
The scary stuff is like a Deity with skulls rattling round his neck and appearance designed to terrify…
My sense is to uncover and face the fears as thoroughly as possible. It's a bit like shining a light on mysterious shadows. I find acceptance and gratitude follow. As you say, it is all perfectly Divine

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

The Upside of Anger

In a previous post, I described the energy of anger as the energy of transformation, but I could also describe it as a healing energy. 

I say this because anger is a higher vibrational state than worry, anxiety, depression, apathy, sorrow, grief and shock.  As such, I can use anger to move through these lower emotional states, unmask the underlying cause of my pain and bring it to the light of awareness.  In other words, I use the energy of anger to move beneath the blocks of depression, anxiety, worry and apathy, into the underlying emotions of sorrow and grief, and reach all the way into my mental and emotional memories of loss that keep my energy and attention anchored in the past.  

In order use this healing energy, I find that it's effective to feel the anger deeply without identifying with it in any way.  I let my mind and body react, but I observe the action as it's taking place without judging or labeling it in any way.  In other words,  if my body wants to yell, scream, rant and rave, and if my mind wants to think thoughts of gloom, doom and hate, I allow them to do just that, but I remain present as the observer.  (Note: prior to allowing this expression of anger I suggest that you put yourself in a safe place to do so where you won't attempt to reach out and harm someone.) 

What I've found when I do this is that the energy of anger seems to know how to burrow through these layers of emotion, uncover the root cause of my pain and expose it to the light of awareness.  The only thing required of me is to be willing to feel everything fully without resistance, judgment or comment.  In other words, all I have to be is PRESENT!     

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

“Bob, Im wondering if depression is due to suppression of feelings such as worry, anxiety, sorrow, grief, etc.”

In part, I believe it is.  What I've noticed in my work is that as I move people through depression and apathy, anger can be a real hero.  It's seems to assist people in cutting through the protective barriers of depression and apathy and into the hurt and pain that underlies this condition.  And, in my experience, that hurt and pain is always connected to some memory of loss.

Anger does facilitate a sense of being present, doesn't it! I guess the thing is to be present in other ways too so no harm is done to others or oneself.
 
In my experience just the opposite is true Hummingbird.  Most people go into a completely unconscious state when they get angry because they are so completely identified with their mind, body and emotions.  What I'm suggesting is to remain a casual observer as the mind, body and emotions go through their convulsions and just be present to the experience, as if you were watching someone else go through the experience.   Of course, it won't be exactly like that because you'll actually be experiencing everything that your mind and body is going through, however, you'll do so from the perspective of the detached observer.

You're correct in saying that anger typically provides us with a heightened sense of awareness of our immediate surroundings, but that typically doesn't translate into an expanded state of conscious awareness. 

It takes practice to remain present when powerful emotions are triggered, but the payoff is huge.

Much love to you Hummingbird 

  

      

Quite frankly, an outside observer wouldn't be able to tell

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Bob:

As I have observed myself (and you seem to have a highly evolved capacity in this regard), anger is almost always the mechanism whereby conflict is resolved to a simple struggle for power.

The downside of anger is its neurophysiological impact. They scientists are discovering that when faced by threatening circumstances we cannot influence, our brains build capacity in the fight-or-flight machinery managed by the amygdala. The side affect is deterioration of our frontal lobes. Frank Herbert's mantra in Dune is precisely correct: “Fear is the mind-killer, the little death.” Anger falls into that category of psychological response.

When going through my own Waterloo, I was eventually reduced to a simple strategy for survival: I have control over one thing - myself. I resolved to do one loving and constructive thing each day.

The end result of that exercise was that by moving around the spiritual pressure that was placed upon me, I eventually surrounded it. Previously, my anger and fear was used by my tormentors to keep my personality focused so that it could be contained. I more than once found myself realizing that the people I was hurting with my anger were proxies or scapegoats for the real perpetrators.

When I stopped responding to the stimulus, they lost control of me. I eventually found myself entering a much large community of support. While I am still under financial and personal pressure, things seem to have a way of coming through to me when I need them.

Love is an investment, and anger places that investment at risk. If we want to receive power from others, we may need to surrender the emotions and behaviors that allow us to push through resistance. Often, we don't realize who we've hurt on the other side until it's too late.

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Here's an example of a creative way to channel anger to make positive change, both for oneself and others in the world.

What would you do if your guitar was broken by an airline company
and they refused to pay to fix it?

This musician's creative response didn't hurt anyone, improved his life, expressed what many people already feel, giving them a release and got the perpetrator (in this case a company) to become conscious of their ways to lessen the suffering they have been causing (to be seen).

We are much more empowered than we think we are!

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

a few posts on anger -

Anger and Health

Anger and Aversion - Buddhism

How do I resolve anger? - Taoism

Anger - Christianity

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

Re: Open Windows. Anger - How I deal with it - 4

This thread is becoming long and slow, our conversation continues here