Suffered Too Much For Truth

I have always searched for the truth. In all areas - religion, relationship, livelihood, always asking…..researching….reaching understandings

that nobody wants to hear. Giving a solution that nobody wants. Have been

left out
marginalized
left alone
rejected
hated
blamed

I have lost all vision, all hope. I am all alone. And not allowed to cry at that, for my tears are an offense to others. Just conform, I m ordered - just take the blame and do what you are told.

I have failed utterly, in everything I have ever needed and desired to do. Even suicide eluded my many attempts. There will be a day when that wont happen again.

MAybe the liars will always win, the cruel and selfish who blame me will always win, perhaps nobody will ever ever listen to such a simple truth. We just want to look good to others here at zaadz, nobody wants to really change anything, let alone themselves. I havent had a good loving conversation in 44 years. I dont know what that is. Everything on this earth is just …….. covert control.

God, let me out of here, this life, this hell. I dont care for myself or my world any longer, as I am dictated to not care………. every noble intention and desire has been repeatedly cursed in me, cursed until there is nothing left but this anger and loneliness and rage and have to suppress tears.

Re: Suffered Too Much For Truth

Hi.  I wish I could take all your pain away!  I've often felt much the same way as you.

However, I know words alone probably won't do much, or at least not on a practical level.  That's one reason why I haven't spent more time writing replies to your various posts and blogs, even though I am very, very worried about your situation, of being on the streets and all, and I want very much to help.

Anyhow, my PayPal account is close to empty, but, I just sent you $1 to your ChipIn account.  I hope I'll be able to send more eventually.  And if many others send in even just that much, it will all add up!

You've already gotten more donations via ChipIn than I've ever gotten via PayPal in over a year of asking for them on my website (I only got one donation via PayPal so far, of $3.50!) - and your pod is only one day older than my pod, but has over 3 times as many members (100 more than my pod!).  That is some quite impressive success right there!

You clearly have a wonderful ability to network with people, among many other talents, such as your obvious intelligence and insight.  You make so many good points in your blog, and your pod, etc

I really hope things improve for you soon!

Apollia