Introducing myself

Here you can introduce yourself to other members of our precious group.

Re: Introducing myself

I am a… …I always start with a list of generalised words when introducing myself. Which I will not do now as they somehow feel more meaningless than usual today… but the list is on my profile page if anyone feels the need for it.

I started this pod for a few reasons and they all come back to the passing of my daughter, Gra-anna. When Gra-anna 1st passed on, my own experience was there were not many people with the ability to be open to my experience and my hope was that this group will help bridge such a space others may find themselves in. This group is also part of my own journey. It was one of the many things I did to 'heal' myself. I have found journeying here with others has been very precious and loving.

I have posted many posts in this group where I share my own experiences and feelings. I have also responded to the posts of others from my heart. I feel those of us who have experienced the loss of a beloved are often best placed to be there for others in the same situation. We also learn from each other all the time. I have seen many members in this pod grow and open like flowers. It is a gift to journey with you.

As I take my own journey I more and more see death\transitioning, as one of the most profound moments of one's life and following the example of the Dalai Lama, I feel the need to spend time preparing myself for this walking through the door, as I've come to think of it.

love
HummingBird 

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Thank you, HummingBird.

I was called to join this Group because of my background as a grief counselor and the work I've done in hospice, but saying this, I suppose, just displaces the question a bit. I've always felt a strange pull toward the dying, and a love of the particular human border of death, which I find both beautiful and terrifying. 

And grief… there is always grief. I feel, in so many ways, that the culture I come from does not acknowledge or honor grief and mourning enough, and I feel so much sorrow at this. I joined this Group in part because it seems to hold a space for the terrible infinity of mess and confusion and mystery that comes with loss—and that it seems to do so without needing to explain or fix what's going on. It allows, and accepts, and again, I find this missing in the world.

Thank you, HummingBird, and thank you to all those who come, and, even more, to all those who have died and left the rest of us here to carry on for a time.

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Everything about me is available in my profile here. There is nothing much to tell about me. I am an ordinary person but with more interests in others and their well being, like you all. My father, mother , father in law, mother in law  and several of my elders have all passed away. It is the nature of the world. Only thinf we can do is to help others to forget their mis happenings of the past and lead a fresh life for their future. Let God bless us all.

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I am a Venezuelan 36-year old female, living in Chicago.
I lost people I love, but most of all, in less than a year and half I lost three key people:
my grandma (my favorite person in the world), my great-aunt (another grandma) and my first cousin (34) who was like my brother. I can't get over that accident that took him away. He was just too nice, too good, too generous, too perfect to be on this earth I think.

He passed three weeks after the birth of my only son, last year. I had been pregnant 6 times, and finally, my baby came. Alfredo was so happy, but couldn't meet him.
I'm alive because of my son, I didn't want to live without Alfredo… It should have been me.
I'm taking antidepressants to cope… But I still cry daily.

Re: Introducing myself

Dear Isa:

I think the hardest loss by death are those that occur suddenly, too young and at a time of expected joy and celebration. Such as Alfredo at 34 years, by accident three weeks after the beginning of new life, your son.

In my comments today, I tell of the passing of my brother. It too, was sudden and by accident. I didn't mention that it was the evening of December 26, 2007. The day after Christmas. In Mt. Prospect, Ill. (We are all Chicagoans.)

Writing today, is simply seizing an opportunity to “tell it” again. It is important to “tell it” again and again as directed by Spirit.

I am a mother also, again and again.

I can picture you just looking at that beautiful child, holding him and just pouring your love for him into that space of grief in your heart.

Do not be afraid to do silly, playful things. Your honor and love for Alfredo is well established in your heart and will remain.

Ask Alfredo for help. My brother has assured me in a dream that he is still aware of my troubles. And I remember that there has been one person in my life who loved and accepted me just as I am. And he still does.

Healing in my relationship with my deceased husband has also begun. By the Grace of God, and a viewing of a DVD and adoption of a cat. This happening is occuring through no effort on my part. Another kind of accident.

The DVD opened an insight to why my husband was the person that he was.
My relationship with Percious (my cat) is an experience of mutual unconditional love. Before now, I never would believe that such a combination of “things” would be able to aid in healing anger and resentment.

I have a story about TRUST.

In my faith and worship community on New Years Eve, we perform what we call a “White Stone” ceremony. First there is a period of quiet meditation wherein each becomes aware of a word that seems to repeat itself to each in the silence. That word is then written on a small white stone that is kept throughout the year.

At the beginning of 2007, I received the word: TRUST. I was pleased but also wary. I thought, “Oh, oh. This may mean that I will be given many opportunities to practice trust.” I expected to be tested and I was. I passed Trust 101, at the end of 2007, when my brother died. Now I am learning Trust 103. I am getting better at it.
When I told the minister that my word was TRUST, he quoted: “Rise up and walk. Your trust will make you whole.”
I thought it was “Faith” will make you whole.
The minister answered: “Faith and Trust are the same.”

If you ask in prayer for the ability to “Let go and Let God” I promise you will be able. Not by your will but because of your surrender.

Also read about grief. I go to Borders to see what's new. Then I write the titles and authors and request the books from the library.
Seek grief therapy. It can be painful and there is only one way out and that is through. No U-Turns.

In therapy I commented: “This is so painful. Each time I resolve not to continue. Why do I keep coming back?” When I cried, I cried so hard. As you know, new life is preceded by enormous pain. My daughter told me that she felt death's door during childbirth.


Being women, we are given to experience body and soul as mirrors of the other. Our spirit experiences injury, sickness, pain, hunger, thirst and fullness comparable to what the body experiences.

We are privileged to birth body and soul. Our own and others. Experience reminds us that after new life is established, the pain is forgotten.

Your spirit is in labor. Try to relax, cooperate, breathe and rest. Don't run from or force the process. Enjoy the Lincoln Park Zoo with your baby.

Blessings,
Joyous M.
1937

Re: Introducing myself

Oh, Isa. That photo. There are tears in my eyes, too.

And JOYOUS. Your words are so wise, and your heart so extraordinary. Thank you.

Re: Introducing myself

I joined this compassionate group soon after my brother-in-law's sudden, tragic death.  The culture I grew up in directs me to repress emotions and to grieve in silence.  But I have since learned keeping it all inside hurts my mind, body and soul.  So I shared, cried, and released much here in the midst of supportive, caring people.  I have experienced more deeply and clearly the meaning of empathy from them.  I am very grateful. 

Re: Introducing myself

Welcoming new and 'older' members. You each bring so much to our group and are treasured.
Siona, you always have a compassionate offering from the heart.
Sanmugan, you share much wisdom on Gaia.
Isa, I'm holding you in my heart at this time of pain. We are here whenever you feel the need to share.
Joyous, thank you for your sharing you gifted us with.
Lahn, your open heart is a gift, we learn from you as you learn.

Explore the rooms here in our pod and feel free to post when it feels the right to do so

love
HummingBird

Re: Introducing myself

To “pookietooth,”
Your, everything is my everything.
Namaste

Re: Introducing myself

Hello everyone:   I was just wandering around GAIA and found myself visiting in PASSING.  Without “Introducing Myself” and told about my “Awakening to Loss and Grief”. 
After my comments, I don't know if I was invited or if I suddenly realized that I should have introduced myself.  So I went over to the Introduction Room and admitted that I commented before intro and I hoped my comments could serve as My Introduction and referenced “My Awakening …”

Hummingbird has asked me to introduce myself and link my comments.

I'm trying to do that but am not sure it is working: 

INTRODUCTION

Re: Introducing myself

I am here for many reasons. I have had a lot of losses – lost my mother 13 years ago when I was 30, my father when I was 19, my maternal grandfather when I was 19, my paternal grandmother when I was 17, my maternal grandmother when I was 3 or 4, and had a miscarriage myself last year. I have had a hard time with grief, especially for my mother, who died of a very painful condition in a hospital, not the way she wanted to go, too soon.
I don't know what else to say right now.

Re: Introducing myself

I am from the US - of German/Scots ancestry - with a special affinity for Japanese culture.  I originally came to this group last summer after my former manfriend was found dead in his apartment of a heart attack.  I've also had a chance to reflect on and further process the loss of my mother in 2000, my father and maternal grandfather in 1981, and various friends and other family members over the years in ways that I deeply appreciate.

I cherish the chance to walk with others in their life and grief journeys here - with the sense that all of us together are weaving a very powerful tapestry.


peace -


Sylvia

Re: Introducing myself

Dunno if I have introduced myself as of yet. I'm always at a loss for words :-P
Since I am the 'Resurrected One'…heh…this group is very meaningful and precious to me, as I wander the border of Life and Death, walking the path in the middle, honouring both sides of the same coin.

Death is something that has always fascinated me…how inventive…how utterly creative Death is. There are only so many ways to come into Life…but infinite ways to depart (temporarily…I guess we got bored LOL)

Yes, I did die at the age of One…am here now with much things to do still =)
But I have also lost my beloved Father 6 years ago…whose presence is still very much with me…he will Always be with me…for I am flesh of his flesh and blood of his blood…he lives in my heart, mind, soul and DNA :-D

I also have lost friends in the tragedy of 9/11…and by the Grace of God, my temporary job at the WTC ended the same day as the first bombing. I could never get hired again at the WTC and I was upset at that…till 9/11…then I understood.
Once again, it wasn't my time.

What more can I say? No one is untouched by Death…what I can say is that the dearly departed is Not Gone, they are on another plane, which we cannot visibly see…You see, my friends…Life will Go On…Life will Always Go On…and in the eyes of another you will catch glimpses of the ones who have transitioned from this particular plane…in the voices…in the skies…they are ALL still here, just in unlimited form when they come visiting =) Just Watch and Listen.

My Heart is with All of You in your grief, in your pain, in your vaccuum from the physical loss, in your remembrances and struggles…
I Am Here, sitting with you all~~~<3

Re: Introducing myself

Desmond Green; please see my website “themoodschannel.com”for more of how eye describe myself.

Thank you Humming Bird for this priceless opportunity to interact and connect
at our deepest levels. Eye introduce myself as your own breath because eye feel it to be true. Eye am also accepting my breath as our God, our Spirit and our living dynamic center of GRAVITY which is manifesting and sustaining our bodies as well as our universe. 
It is my joy to share and love and enjoy all of who and what we are with every conscious deep breath that eye am taking, knowing that it is in our breath that we experience our eternal oneness.

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Thank you for taking the time to introduce and share yourselves. This group is what it is because of its members. I am always moved by the deep gentle compassion of you all.

much love

Re: Introducing myself

Hello !  My name is Ane and I´m a norwegian woman.  I became acquainted with the Gaia community in february -08,  and have , during this time, learned a lot about sharing both joy but also difficulties in life on the internet. This experience has certainly enriched my life.  I joined this group “Passing” because there are tasks in life we can´t possibly escape from,  and this knowledge brings forth many difficult questions and worries;  the inevitable experience and certainty of our mortality.  Maybe our encounter with death isn´t that frightening when our time comes ?, - and maybe the loss of our dearest ones is the hardest part ?

During this spring of 2009 I´ve lost my dear and lovely father.  I nursed him through ,  at least nine years,  because of his handicap Multippel Sklerosis.  He was 100 % disabled  for many years.  Because of this he became very close to me and we were mutual dependent of one another.  It was strange and very rare that he actually celebrated his 90 th birthday in january this year,  and he was blessed to have such a long lasting life despite his illness.  Even if this is a fact,  I struggle with my grief.  I kind of feel lost in my grief. I miss him so much..

I also lost a very good and trusted friend during this spring.  He was a guardian angel for me through twenty years,  and he just became 57 years old. 
Death is the most difficult task in life.  No matter how prepared for must be,  it will never be a greeted guest.  But; - maybe it can make us more humble and tolerant.  Maybe it covers the beautiful heaven we long for !  or maybe there is just silence??  At the moment I can just  wonder where my beloved energies have gone……   

Re: Introducing myself

My heart is with you Dear Ane.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amEntTOmwMA

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Dear Ane Lis, welcome to our group. You have experienced so much loss this year. Your tremendous love for your father must have played a big role in his extraordinarily long life. Losing your very special friend in such close succession has been very difficult. Your heart is aching and you are trying to make sense of it all. Give yourself time, love - it does take time.
You may wish to write about your beloveds in the Tributes and Biographies Room
Holding you in my heart
love
HummingBird

Re: Introducing myself

Hi, Ane - [quietly present with you in your grief].

This is part of the forest journey of the thread in the Care Packages pod “For Caregivers” - and we continue to be with you.

peace and blessings -


Sylvia

Re: Introducing myself

I was referred to this group by a member who felt that I may be of help to some who have lost loved ones.  I too, like everyone in this group have had my share of loss.  My cousin was killed in a car accident and buried on his 21st birthday, the next year his mom, my aunt, passed away from cancer.  Two years later my father and grandmother passed away within 3 months of each other.  This all happend before I was 11 years old.  I was so terrified that my mother was next but she lived to the ripe old age of 83 with no regrets.  It's been six years since she passed but I miss her like it was yesterday.  She also succumbed to cancer and died at home.  It was a fairly peacful death but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, watch my best friend die.  I don't know why her death has consumed me so much?  I have so many questions now about my faith and spirituality.  I guess that is why I am searching for answers and found this among other sites.
Wysteria Wind Ryder

Re: Introducing myself

Dear Wysteria Wind Ryder, welcome to our circle. It is precious that you have joined us and wish to also be here for others who experience the pain of loss. You have experienced so much loss yourself from an early age. The death of your mother has been hardest to bear and seems to have set you on a quest to reach deeper understanding and find meaning to why we are here.

You are welcome to post tributes to loved ones in our tribute room and start conversations in our group around the deep probings of your hearts searchings. We will journey with you

love

Re: Introducing myself

Dear Wysteria Wind Ryder:  “Passing” here in GAIA is a very good find.  Welcome.
During this time after my most recent loss, (December 26, 2008) my beloved brother and soulmate, died in a pedestrian/vehicle accident.  He was the pedestrian.  My sister-in-law (85yrs old and I, 71 years old) were the first to know and had to identify his body at the hospital emergency room. 

There are no instructions on how to respond/be at a time like that. 

During this time of grief, I find that I stopped and took a look at where I was in my spiritual and faith development and continued to grow from there.  I had already come a long way on my Path and had much experience to draw strength from and knew that with my past experience and God's guidance, I would Pass through and come out with new growth, power and wisdom. 
I knew that I needed to keep my wits about me for my sister's-in-law sake.  She and I were the top two women in his life.  Because of her age and being more frail, and also Tom (my brother) was her husband that she suddenly lost, I needed to engage intellect to get us through the immediate and deny my emotions. 
In the emergency room, I imagined God to be right behind me and I addressed God with:  “I guess I need to be available to take charge here.  I have no idea what to do, as I have no experience in matters like this.  I am taking no responsibility.  I leave myself empty to you, so whatever I say or do or suggest and direct, will be You, God not I.”  And then I responded with a good heart to whatever occurred during the next two weeks.
When Evelyn, my brother's wife felt that she could go on with the support of friends in her community, she agreed that it would be ok for me to return to my own home about 3hours away by car.
We stay in touch by phone.  We visited once together with her next-door neighbors (a young family).  We admitted to one another that each has experienced Tom's presence, since he died.  Each was keeping it a secret out of fear of judgement from others.  It felt good to tell. 
I have other losses by death and issues of forgiveness to heal.  In particular, anger and forgiveness of my husband who died about 5 years ago.  Death is not the end of a relationship.  Certainly not for the bereaved.  I can feel changes taking place in my heart.  I have come to understand the issues of our marriage.  I owe my husband gratitude and forgiveness.  Anger is being replaced with understanding and acceptance.  All of this is done by God.  The source of All Love expressed through All and Each to one another.

Though our experiences are unique to ourselves, in each there are gifts to be shared.
I cannot tell anyone what will help.  I can only tell of what is working for me.
I start with who I Am and Where I Am today, and tell others of where I was and what I AM discovering as a result. 
Matters of the soul and spirit are not explained by the mind's question, “Why?”

Somewhere in our stories there is something that someone else needs. 
Thank you for sharing yours.  


May you ride Wysteria with
The Spirit as it Passes through
 Like a gentle breeze.

Joyous Mary
1937  
           

Re: Introducing myself

Welcome to all of you who are new to this pod, I have also been through many losses. I learned grief is a natural process which lessens gradually over a period of time,  we all deal with grief in our own unique way, there is no right or wrong way, no set time for working through it. Sharing helps understanding, and grief is lessoned when it is expressed and shared, this pod is with you while you work through the process.

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Thank you HummingBird for inviting me to join this sacred group. I am Bhatta from Calcutta, India. I have a small family - wife, one son and daugher - in - law. I am 65 and have had my share of losses. Lost both my father and mother, lost several close friends, two childhood friends…
yes I resonate….

Re: Introducing myself

Joyous Mary

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Hi, I’m willowinthewind, or Jeannie.  Some of you already know me; but if you are relatively new to this sacred place, then I need to introduce myself.  I have been silent for a long time now, but I follow your posts!  Your words sing to me, raise me up, comfort me.  I have such an enormous gratitude in my heart for your presence in my life. 
But I have been in deep silence for a long time.  Months? 
I come now to ask for prayers for the dying.   Almost 4 years ago my precious mother came to live out her dying with me.  Whaaaat, why me, I’m the youngest poorest, not fair!!!:  these were all of my initial reactions.   But I cared for, tended to her every comfort and need.  I travel to another city to work, but I came back home at noon.  And then twice a day, and then more often.  Until Easter this year, she was walking.  Then she learned how to use a wheelchair.  She was like a toddler on a tricycle – such freedom of movement – she loved it! 
Then, in mid-June, we had to call the ambulance.  Back and forth to emergency and ICU and nursing homes, this cycle five times within one month, she would wake up never knowing where she was, and she would be calling for me.  I would arrive in a hallway, and the nurses and doctors would say:  OH, are you the daughter?  She has been calling for you…. 
Please come.  Please come to “prayers for the dying,” and help to soothe calm uplift radiate tremendous peace and knowing to Virginia.  That she may have no fear.  Only the knowing of the immense and eternal Love from which we are all formed and continue. 
Bless you.  Namaste. Jeannie

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Dear Jeannie, tears in my eyes and love in my heart as I walk with you here. I'm going to link 'prayers for the dying' to your post

love

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I'm Helen and I found this pod through Jeannie's Prayer for the Dying post…and resonated so strongly.  As I've read all the introductions here I feel blessed to be in such an open hearted and caring community.

One of the reasons I came to Gaia was because my mom was sick and I was having such a hard time with it.  She died in 2007, six weeks after Mother's Day…after being diagnosed with peritoneal cancer.  Although I'd experienced the loss of my best friend Geri from Lou Gehrig's disease and my father-in-law from Alzheimers, I wasn't prepared for the intense feelings I experienced when my mom died.

The last two years here on Gaia have been a healing and expanding time for me. 

I'm grateful that I found this pod.

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Helen, glad you found this place, so sorry to hear you have experienced three losses in quick succession, sometimes grief is cumulative each loss reminds us of the ones that have gone before and each affects us differently, no right or wrong way, only your way.
Alzheimers is often grief before loss, because we lose them bit by bit as the illness
progresses, and your mothers death was more sudden, perhaps not so long to adjust
and mourn,  more of a shock. Gaia has benefitted from your presence here too my friend. Big hug.
                         love from Gael

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Welcome Helen, it is precious that you have joined us. Thank you for sharing so much with us. Your loss of Mom is recent and your connection with her has brought you to experience 'the thinning of the veil', a time when Gaia is a good place to travel in. You may wish to post tributes for your beloveds, especially Mom, in the biographies and tributes room.

love

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I'm here not not because recently i lost someone nearest and dearest but to speak out few sentences on someone i lost 11/12 years ago. The person who left me forever from this world and whom i'll never meet again, was my mom. She was nice, genuine, understanding, perfect and deserves to be here on this humanly planet. She tirelessly worked to bring me up and to show the good path, always stayed beside me during my ups and down. she held the torch for me when it was dark, held the umbrella over me when it's raining, cooked for me when i felt hungry, helped me to clean myself when i was little dirty. I can't forget the sweet moments and happiness se shared with me as mom.

Although i mossed her every moment but yet i'm happy what i'm now - what i'm now is all because the love, confident and determination she gave and showed me. I'm very gartefull to her for what she has done for me. I always miss you MOM and i always hold you in my heart as my guide, and i see you are still holding the torch for me to walk. Mom may you rest in peace - i'll never forget to call you when i'm in need of your help. You are There and i'm Here but the sweet moments bring us nearer.

I Love You Mom…

Love
Peacehunter

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Dear Peacehunter
Welcome to our group of compassionate members. Thank you for sharing your very precious memories of Mom. Certainly with love like this filling your heart, you are well equipped for this journey of life!
You are welcome to post a tribute to Mom in the biographies and tributes room if you wish
love

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Hello,

I am Jyoti and I just wanted to introduce myself to the group.  Of course I already know dear Anna, Hummingbird.

I joined this group in order to post about the one year anniversary of the passing of my grandmother.

Namaste
Kala

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Dear Kala welcome and thank you for sharing your Tribute to your grandmother which I am going to read go an read now. How wonderful you have joined us here

Love

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This thread is becoming long and therefore slow - please continue here Inroducing myself