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Something DifferentmIRRORMERE said Jun 9, 2:12 PM: |
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Something Different Not an angel, nor a muse, something different. Adorned in poisonous velvet, she slips into my thoughts. Once again, Her feet entangle on the ottoman. An invitation no more than a wicked pass, a thought, surrounded by candles and scents of old lovers, sitting in her den, pausing breath as she runs an errant finger through the alcoves of her hand. She rests a flaxen strand on the ridge of her upper lip. Just behind her eyes lurks Medusan witchery. Drew Adler © 1998 All Rights Reserved This is the prequel to Craving Calliope. I still don't think that it's finished. It's been through several revisions. I need help with a final revision so please critique it. :) |
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Re: Something DifferentMeenakshi said Jun 14, 9:38 AM: |
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Drew, I'm no poet, but as a reader, if I may: |
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Re: Something DifferentZephyr said Jun 14, 1:32 PM: |
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Hi Drew, I love the surprise end - just behind her eyes lurks medusan witchery, I think I would suggest, try a little simile or metaphor earlier in the poem to hint at this without revealing it too soon. See poetic techniques below if it helps |
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Re: Something Differentsherab said Jun 14, 2:06 PM: |
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I liked: |
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