I am lost.

And not afraid to admit it.



A past predominately molded into fear based ideologies.



Struggling to find a balanced integrity that incorporates the love of
this consciousness movement, combined with the practical application of
spiritual activism, without succumbing to the unwitting narcissism
which is so prevalent in the “New Age” phenomena.  Frequently feeling
absolutely alienated.  Observing the fragmented arrogance of the
typical individual stance.

Those who passionately pursue animal rights, then there are those who
actively engage in political activism, i.e. struggling to uphold the
constitution during these times of socialist power grabbing, then there
are those who pay hundreds of dollars to attend lectures on stillness
and love, then there are those who hypnotically submit to channeled
entities, and the layers and positions of our haughty delusions are
endless.   But I find myself in a struggle to avoid the pigeon-holed
existence.  A struggle to be cautious and discern wisely, rather than
making spirituality into some new-age shopping mall.  Potentially
righteous action like “going gree” is reduced to little more than a
propagandized effort to save our own asses under the guise of caring
for our environment, without even realizing the profundity of how
synonymous we are with our external world.   As above, so below.   In
an all dimensions, permeating the entire spectrum is the One.  The
fundamental change, the real change, happens on an individual level.  
Falling into the group mentality, and being sheep, no matter how
kind-hearted the herd may seem, can do more harm than good.  This is a
time for us to be Shepherds.  “Abundance, abundance, abundance”, no.  
Incorrect.  Vain.  Misleading.  Ill-informed.  Superficial.    Is the
abundance of Truth and God not in every cell of your body?   From the
micro to the macro?  Movies like “The Secret” allude to selfish gain
and justified megalomania.  Only the individual heart can reach a
purity potent enough to bring about a purging of the collective shadow
from his or her stake in the game.  Our common seeking is but a
reflection of our denial, is a reflection of our ignorance, rather than
a sign of enlightened beings saying “yes” to every moment;  opening
themselves to the omnipresence of Divine Reality.  



No?   Probably not.



Because Like I said.

I know nothing.

I am lost.

But look at me go.



But I can't help but think that we'd all benefit from admitting the
same.  We must admit our ignorance.   Eckhart Tolle and Oprah haven't
woken you up.  The revelation is between you and God, and no where else
can it be found.  We are not Gods and Goddesses first.  Prior to any
such self appraisal,  we are erroneous, confused, selfish, egotistical
small minds completely and utterly dependent on the Great God of All.  
When we are transmuted through our suffering and surrender into a more
Christ-like state, into an ecstatic love for the Creator, as Rumi was,
only then can we start referring to ourselves as “Divine Goddesses” and
all of these other wildly abused labels.   And by the time that we HAVE
reached an adequate reverence for the Infinite Sacred, I don't imagine
we'll spend a lot of time pampering our selves and waxing prophetic.  
I think we'll spend our HUMBLY enlightened time and energy serving and
compassionately nurturing others with the same Merciful Brutality of
God, which is rarely experienced as butterflies and unicorns.  Some of
my greatest blessings have come in the form of suicidal depression and
trauamatic encounters with personal demons.  The days of throwing up
peace signs have ended.  A certain applied intelligence and piercing
insight has to be integrated with your spiritual mythology.  This is a
practical world.   A tangible world.   So take your intangible buddhist
sayings and pull them from your fairy-tales, down your spine, and drive
their practical applications into the earth.   Take off your shoes, and
walk in the dirt.  Stop buying spiritual books that fuel the thief of
money, put your online networks of technological spiritual communion on
the back burner, and go buy and Share dinner with a fucking homeless
person, or something else that you're scared to do.  Walk into the
darkness with your candle burning, because rest assured,  all of these
claims to be of the Light will be put to the test.

Re: I am lost.

Hey Jaykub,

nice post. I don't see too much negativity in it myself, except that what I see is your ability to put your own thoughts down on paper, rather than to us. You seem to have your own view of how the world should be, so I'll share the quote you don't want to hear and that is, 'be the change you wish to see in the world.'

No one's going to stop buying spiritual books because we don't believe it is mythology. We believe that this is what we are supposed to be taught and that these books find us. You seem to want to take action, and to live in a reality where you actually are a 'witness' to this perceived reality. You don't believe the secret? You don't believe that your thoughts are powerful enough to create every moment of your life? You don't think we are that powerful?

What I get from what you wrote is that it is sort of a journal entry unto yourself, and that you may see yourself, in a deeper sense within it. You appear to be frustrated by others in the spirituality they have found and you do not accept them for who they are becoming. You see money as evil. Well, so be it. Money can be whatever you want it to be. It can ruin your life surely or it can be a great friend. I see frustration in your post, and I understand where you are coming from. I used to write things like this, stuck in my own perspective of how I saw the world, and it's hard. We are trying to unite as One, and that requires groups to be formed without any bias toward anyone who finds there way to it, and that takes the law of attraction and readiness. Change doesn't only happen on an individual level. We all change together, we are all here together.

You seem to be in search of balance yes. Can you meditate for two minutes a day? Actually sit there for just two minutes and breathe and know you're going to have a good day instead of saying I am lost? Don't say things like 'I don't know, or I am lost' because the Universe responds. Do you understand the changes that are happening and have been happening lately? We had the Harmonic Convergence in 1987, and that was enough for the Earth to not result in catastrophe and Armageddon. The Earth was prophesied by many to be gone by now. No more. But we changed it and there is a new energy here and so many others to connect with. No matter how many spiritual experiences we have where we find and hold the light within ourselves for others to see, we still keep our personalities. Thats one of the keys to all this. We don't have to feel alienated or alone. We have our experiences and then we go and have some human experiences and keep growing from it all.

You are definitely on a very high level, you just have to figure out a way to 'be' that, and 'use' your power. Your knowledge without being upset. Life is all about how you feel about yourself like you said so remember that no matter what you do, you need to accept yourself and let others see that light that you are. Shine your light. Show it. Don't be afraid of it or else you'll feel alienated and lost. When you do this you'll attract people into your life that you can talk to and relate to, and learn from. You can always grow larger. You can always find a better perspective. You are the Light.

Re: I am lost.

Wow!  I like it… I like your passion.

I get your need to be grounded in “reality” and to lead people to “God” and away from “butterflies and unicorns”… but, it seems you've got truth and faith a bit collapsed.  Are they synonyms?  Is faith based on the observable reality you trust so much or is it an intangible source of power and freedom that is gifted from God?  Can you “know” faith or isn't it a never ending process of discovery?

I believe all our values are intangible.  Our mistake is to try to fulfill intangible needs and values through tangible means.

I've attached some pages from a book I've written… I hope you'll like some and ask questions about the others…