So Many Questions

You could say I am a very troubled person. Everyday I go through a cycle, I wake up in a cheerful mood, then around midday I slowly become more and more depressed. As a result of this, many questions pass through my head. Many about myself and more about the world, society(ies), and people. I just want to find the answers.

Re: So Many Questions

Michael, here's an angle you might not have considered, but my intuition suggests it might be PART of the picture of what's going on in your life that creates it to be distressing for you. The daily/hourly pattern you described happens in people with food allergies. Specifically, perhaps, an allergy to one or more of your breakfast foods !! 

Another possibility suggested to me by that daily/hourly pattern is some other kind of biochemical derangement, such as hypoglycemia. Can you get to a naturopathic doctor and get checked out? Have you considered such mundane physical possibilities at all??

On a more general level, and given your “handle” here, I wonder whether you feel like an “alien among us.” Such folks are sometimes called Starseeds or ET's, and a lot of them are quite depressed and bewildered by life here. Have you ever considered anything like that?

Also on a more general level, you might be a super-sensitive, or empath, and actually be gradually picking up, during the day, others' unpleasant emotions, which you can't tell from your own, and you get dragged down. Does that seem possible?

Also on a more general level, there is such a kind of Being as a Dark Angel, many of whom have “chosen the Light,” but whose transition process is pretty unpleasant without some expert guidance. I know an expert guide, a friend of mine. 

So, there's a spectrum of possibilities for you to consider. Go with whatever you feel pulled toward. 

And feel free to email me or continue the conversation here. And by all means continue exploring within Gaia. The resources here are mindblowing in their quantity and quality. This is THE PLACE !!!!!!!!

Blessings,
Rev. O.M. Bastet

Re: So Many Questions

There is a good possibility that it is something physical. It could be that I'm not getting enough sleep from staying up most of the night and sleeping in until ten in the morning and not eating until noon.

I know for certain I do not think like most others. That, as Barabar Sher would say, I am a 'Scanner', but one that has been oppressed for too long and I'm only waking up now.

It could very well be a mix of everything above. The thing for me to do, is check each thing until I am sure.

Thank you for the suggestions and questions.

Re: So Many Questions

My question to you would be have you had some traumatic experiences that have changed you or inflicted damage to your “psyche”. Really more information is needed from you to understand the process your describing.
If you wake up in a good mood, happy, alert and ready to greet the day then that is probably your “true” personality. Sometimes things in life, the daily pressures, where we would like to be, the quality of people in our lives or something traumatic can effect a persons usual sunny and upbeat disposition. If you have experienced a lot of cruelty in your life then it can be difficult to “stay in that better place”.
I think having loving, supportive and understanding people around you will make a difference in your life. That can be the most spiritually uplifting and healing thing in the world. Be responsible for yourself and do your best to insure your highest good. The rest does come in time.

We all have our days. Hopefully more good ones.

Liza

Re: So Many Questions

I have been through what I would call a traumatic experience of my own definition.

I've had this friend, close friend, since February. She and I got along very well and my feelings grew more and more for her. We had been part of an aberrant group that caused much confusion and emotional suffering for me. At one point, my friend lied to me, and it was no small lie. I tried to stop talking to her, but many times I just couldn't for one reason or another.

A couple weeks ago, she stopped being a happy and cheerful person that she had used to be when I had still been a part of the above-mentioned group. She said that it was her true self, her true depressing self. I tried to be there for her, I tried to keep talking to her. I couldn't say no to not talking to her when I should have said it.

A few days ago she posted a few disturbing pictures of suicidal 'thoughts' she sometimes has. It scared me, scarred me emotionally. But, again, I couldn't bring my feelings, my hurt and true misunderstanding of what I sould have done. I didn't want to change her… I was scared of saying something and she would hate me for it.

Yesterday, I told her that I couldn't keep talking to her on a regular basis. I didn't tell her all the reasons why, partly because I couldn't think of them. I just… feel like I made too many mistakes.

Re: So Many Questions

I think I am here for a reason. Everyone makes mistakes, but sometimes the ones we think we made are not the ones we made. It takes time for both people to get their head on straight enough to look at it separately and as individuals and own their own part .  You said you do not want to change her, well that's a good start. Trying to fix people is their own job. But that does not mean they do not need love and support.
One of the saddest things I have observed is people bailing out on someone who is in a lot of pain or inflicting more pain out of meanness, when they are already on the road to healing.  Sometimes leaving is really what they need, sometimes it is not. I think it depends on the person. Her posting suicidal thoughts is actually normal and if she did not say anything I would be concerned. That does not mean she should not get into something that will benefit her state of mind that is healthy. Finding love/ support/ compassion is a very important part of healing. That does need to be said to her by someone.

Forget the mistakes if at this time you are unable to deal with her issues that is normal too. You  may have some of your own to deal with now.
“Some people come into our lives for a season”
Perhaps it is time you both said goodbye and in the end that would be the healthy thing to do. Sounds to me like while it may have been a close relationship it may not have been the healthiest one.
Thing will get clearer as time passes. The best thing you can do is be honest with yourself and move on. Letting her go may be one of the kindest things you can do for her and yourself.
In life we all do our best at the time. Our best gets better as we grow as individuals and experience.

Much love to you,
Liza

Re: So Many Questions

Yes, that makes sense. All of it. Thank you.

Re: So Many Questions

Hi Fallen
The question I have is who the heck is this “aberrant group” that you and her belonged to?  Could they be the cause of her depression and confusion?
Pinecrone

Re: So Many Questions

Hi Michael: 

When did you start calling yourself “Fallen Angel of the Skies”  and Why?

It concerns me that you do. 

I believe that how we think of ourselves affects what we experience. 

I have 3 names.  One is my given name, “Mary”.  Another is “Joyous” or “Joyous Mary”.  Another, a sacred name to me because I received it during a time of meditation:  “Laughingheart”.   It is not a name that I want anyone to call me because I reserve it only for “I AM” who gave it to me. 

It is a term of endearment from the Source of Love.

All who responded to you in this thread love you.  Their responses are all expressions of love for you.  We are all here to support you. 

You've made the decision to reach into the Light.  As you seek more light you will become it and the darkness will lose it's power.  Do not resist the darkness  because what we resist, persists. 

You do not need to run from.  But run to. 

“Seek and you will find.  Knock and IT will be opened.  Ask, and it will be given.”          
I agree with Liza:  “Our best gets better as we grow as individuals and experience.”

Michael is the name of an Archangel.  A powerful Angel of Light, standing ready to defend and lead us into The Light. 

You are blessed. 

Joyous

Re: So Many Questions

Yes I agree Micheal is a beautiful name. Micheal the Archangel is a source of love.

Sometimes people are angels without wings:)  AKA Fallen angel from the sky:)

Re: So Many Questions

Love to you, and light, Michael, and to your friend. I hear that you are both walking through a very, very difficult time, but you are not alone.

Hugs,

Nicole

Re: So Many Questions

I started calling myself a Fallen Angel a few weeks ago. I felt utterly lost, whether it be in my thoughts or when talking to others. The other reason, and I just realized it, is because I do feel like an angel who walks among others. Possibly a lost one for a while, but not any more. I feel that I have found a better understanding of the path I must take, even if it's just one step towards it that I can see.

And thank you… all of you for your input on this. It really helps. :)

Re: So Many Questions

Michael, I can relate! Pretty sure many have been in stagnate cycles. I didn't have this technology growing up. I know I would have benefited from being able to have a place like GAIA or other support groups where friends can talk openly about things. Keep asking your questions and you WILL find your answers, guaranteed! If I found mine, then you surely will find yours. The truth WILL set you free(it's not just a myth). Much Peace…Riley