Gay Male Musical Taste

I've been told I don't listen to enough “gay” music by my queer friends.  I just though I would start a discussion on that matter as I have a beef about the whole situation.

Since I was old enough to appreciate music, I have always been drawn much more to the indie, alt-country, and post-punk scene.  I know there are lots of gay guys that have very diverse musical taste, that's not going to be my issue at all.

I do feel and know that some gay guys think I should be listening to the typical top 40 stereotypical gay dance pop queens.  As I don't listen to this type of music, and I often get some cold reactions and/or backlash from my gay brethren.  Some have said that I am out of touch with gay culture.  How does listening to Madonna, Cher or Britney Spears make me any more or less gay?  I don't know.

I guess in a way I could be a bit out of touch, as sometimes when music or pop culture is discussed, I really can't contribute much relevant to some of my friends conversations.  I really do enjoy the company of all sorts of gay guys … like “flamers” (I personally dislike that term, but I am using it cause it's any easy descriptor), bears, “straight-acting guys” (another annoying term), and well the whole gamut of queer stereotypes.  Being gay/queer I think personally is a very uniting facet of who we are … but I just don't wan't to be boxed up into some music genre simply because of my sexuality, and have it held against me when I am not of that common genre.

I know I have probably made some pretty broad generalizations in this post, but I was using them for illustration purposes only … forgive me.  I guess it all comes down to we're all united with struggles of our sexuality in everyday life … let's respect the differences and embrace our fellow queer … not to be all rainbows and sunshine, but I love my diverse group of gay friends so much, and despite my silly rant here, I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Shalom!

Re: Gay Male Musical Taste

Interesting topic! I think many gay people feel that they have to assimilate into “mainstream” gay culture in order to be accepted in the gay community.  The idea that there is such a thing as an authentically gay lifestyle is very prevelant in our community, and those who do not subscribe to the values and mores of this culture are often ostracised.  In another thread some of us discussed the materialistic drive characteristic of so many gay men- the nice house, fancy car, top of the line clothes, etc.  I believe that this notion of a gay musical taste is in someways an extension of this materialistic phenomenon.  Gay people want acceptence, and by adopting a sterotypically gay lifestyle, many gays find that acceptance. 

I think the most important thing we have to realize is that we are INDIVIDUALS, not clones.  Gay people come in every size, shape, color, religion, nationality, and socio-economic background.  It is through this diversity that the gay community has become empowered, not through assimilation.  Unfortunately, the gay community, like any community, is also prone to establishing norms, customs, and social traits that attempt to define our culture within a narrow context.  In an effort to promote public awareness, we often feel we have to create a “face” to show the world, and this face is characterized by commonalities of musical preferences, clothing style, political views, etc.  Instead of celebrating our diversity, we advertise our similarities, even if we are merely perpetuating a stereotype that we don't necessarily adhere to.

When I came out my freshman year in college, I went through a phase where I wanted to be like everybody else, too.  I subscribed to The Advocate and OUT in order to learn how to be popular in the gay scene, and I quickly replaced my friends with those who were “hip” in the gay community on campus.  I began going out to clubs, partying all hours of the night, eating at the gay bistros and coffee shops, dressing in “gay” clothes, and listening to “gay” music.  This phase was very short-lived, thank God!  Soon, I realized that this was not me.  I don't like Britney Spears and Pet Shop Boys, I don't watch “Will and Grace”, I don't like wearing skin- tight shirts and straight-cut slacks, and I absolutely detest staying up past midnight!  

The thing is, in time I learned how to just be me, and to accept myself for who I truly am.  Sure, I may not be as “popular” as I once was among the “hip queers”, but at least now I'm not living a lie.  “Coming out” means coming to terms with who you really are, accepting your individuality, and rightfully decalring your worthiness as a unique human being.  This doesn't mean that listening to Britney Spears or wearing Banana Republic are bad things- if that's what you like, then go for it!  There's nothing wrong with identifying with certain characteristics that are stereotypically gay- hell, I'm a drag queen- but we musn't feel obligated to adopt such traits.  Just being yourself is enough, and if others don't like it, then shame on them!  Why leave one closet in order to walk right into another closet, you know?
-Shaneequa