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Interesting topic! I think many gay people feel that they have to assimilate into “mainstream” gay culture in order to be accepted in the gay community. The idea that there is such a thing as an authentically gay lifestyle is very prevelant in our community, and those who do not subscribe to the values and mores of this culture are often ostracised. In another thread some of us discussed the materialistic drive characteristic of so many gay men- the nice house, fancy car, top of the line clothes, etc. I believe that this notion of a gay musical taste is in someways an extension of this materialistic phenomenon. Gay people want acceptence, and by adopting a sterotypically gay lifestyle, many gays find that acceptance.
I think the most important thing we have to realize is that we are INDIVIDUALS, not clones. Gay people come in every size, shape, color, religion, nationality, and socio-economic background. It is through this diversity that the gay community has become empowered, not through assimilation. Unfortunately, the gay community, like any community, is also prone to establishing norms, customs, and social traits that attempt to define our culture within a narrow context. In an effort to promote public awareness, we often feel we have to create a “face” to show the world, and this face is characterized by commonalities of musical preferences, clothing style, political views, etc. Instead of celebrating our diversity, we advertise our similarities, even if we are merely perpetuating a stereotype that we don't necessarily adhere to.
When I came out my freshman year in college, I went through a phase where I wanted to be like everybody else, too. I subscribed to The Advocate and OUT in order to learn how to be popular in the gay scene, and I quickly replaced my friends with those who were “hip” in the gay community on campus. I began going out to clubs, partying all hours of the night, eating at the gay bistros and coffee shops, dressing in “gay” clothes, and listening to “gay” music. This phase was very short-lived, thank God! Soon, I realized that this was not me. I don't like Britney Spears and Pet Shop Boys, I don't watch “Will and Grace”, I don't like wearing skin- tight shirts and straight-cut slacks, and I absolutely detest staying up past midnight!
The thing is, in time I learned how to just be me, and to accept myself for who I truly am. Sure, I may not be as “popular” as I once was among the “hip queers”, but at least now I'm not living a lie. “Coming out” means coming to terms with who you really are, accepting your individuality, and rightfully decalring your worthiness as a unique human being. This doesn't mean that listening to Britney Spears or wearing Banana Republic are bad things- if that's what you like, then go for it! There's nothing wrong with identifying with certain characteristics that are stereotypically gay- hell, I'm a drag queen- but we musn't feel obligated to adopt such traits. Just being yourself is enough, and if others don't like it, then shame on them! Why leave one closet in order to walk right into another closet, you know?
-Shaneequa
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