How much giving is good?

How much do you give in your most intimate relationships.. to me this is very subjective, and there is no right amount, so advice in this arena is often neglected or ignored. We can't give too much, and yet, if it feels like too much, thats a good sign some healing is in order. So, I'm not sure if I have a question, I thought we could brainstorm around the idea of giving in relationships and see if we learn anything.

In my most intimate relationship I am beginning to feel drained, and have found that I needed to step back, get centered and give to others to balance out the giving focusing in one direction and especially giving more to my own loves and energy. This has helped, and I think made me a better lover (emotionally at least). What do you all think?

Re: How much giving is good?

I am pondering this as I write…..being separated after 18 years of marriage…..sharing 3 children……reflecting back to see what worked, what didn't and having spent many hours crying, writing, shouting out at the lake….where did we go wrong?!  Of course, in my heart of hearts I know that there was not a  “where” ….  just two humans trying to love and be loved and somehow it unravelled over time.  I have been tracing and gathering pieces in my own healing process. 

I can definitely see times when I was overgiving or undergiving depending where things were at…..times when my partner felt left out as I focussed my energies elsewhere….times when my partner wanted to be left alone because too much energy was being focussed on him.  I would have to say honestly, that I believe if I felt both of these extremes in return, our relationship may have felt more balanced, that is, if there were times when I felt like too much energy was being focussed on me.  I am not saying that it did not happen….I am aware that I did not feel it mostly.  That's a big part of my journey at this time….to explore myself as “receiver”….I could not imagine going into another relationship without taking the time to look at this….

I am thinking…uni-directional- not good….multi-directional good, but can be too much…..so I like images….something that gently spirals in and out while another object is gently circling in the same rhythm, but in a different direction perhaps….the two objects brush each other regularly while maintaining their own unique path…..I am sure there must be something in the universe to model this kind of relationship.  Of course, there will be other intimate relationships  moving through and around this one….it can't be just about the two objects……..

Re: How much giving is good?

I have learned that finding a true balance in these situations is difficult indeed.

What is meant by “giving”? Or “receiving” for that matter. Are both ultimately conditional by their nature? Can we give without expectation in some form?

A slippery slope I think, and yet, giving and receiving unconditionally is one of our highest states of being. Our modern conditioning in my view has made this level of unconditionality difficult if not impossible in many cases.

A good discussion here for sure.

Re: How much giving is good?

After my 'fall' last week (blogged about it) & wonderous rising I can say that there were people right here on ZAADZ that stepped in in absolute openness of heart & mind, had me in tears flashing emails of gratitude back & forth at 2 AM, because of the openness…..

Now what grew out of that 'falling' has been wonderous poetry, & wonderous feelings, on my part anyway, of the relationship building we are doing right here in ZAADZ.

I have not felt this care-taking of relationship in a long time. And I know that already here on ZAADZ I feel more connected at the heart, past the superficial hellos, than I do in my own neighborhood.

What Brian has started here is love-fertile ground in which we can be honest, revealing, up-front with our process. We don't, I don't, feel as if I have to match some social, boardroom, whatever, kind of image. I am comfortable being free of any mask. My goodness what will it be like when we can be this open and supportive to one another in the boardroom? 

And wouldn't that then have a powerful change in the use & abuse of our energies with one another. Suddenly, within the past several days, I have been spilling over with energy to give back, & I was already giving quite a bit before, but something has shifted fro feeling out of balance - on the short end side - to an abundance of gift ability.

Rambling again, so sorry, just flowing over with gratitude..:)

Re: How much giving is good?

to give requires a giver

to receive requires a receiver

yet what is here before, during and after the giver, the giving and the given?

what never goes away?

knowing this ends the question of giving too much or too little

then there is just love loving itself through you

Re: How much giving is good?

How do you balance the needs of a dying child, work, family, paying the bills etc. etc.

When do you give, when do you stop giving, where is the balance.

It's one thing to sit on the mountaintop, meditating alone for years and espousing wonderous spiritual platitudes. It's another thing to find that balance when everything seems to be crashing down around your ears.

Re: How much giving is good?

for the record

i run a highly successful marketing company, with a nationally distributed team of consultants and alliance partners, live with my life and business partner, and am currently expanding my company into the US and the EU.

Yet there is no issue here with giving or not giving

For it is only in separation that these questions arise.

And the truth is, you and I are one and the same.

This is not a platitude but the pragmatic and fundamental nature of reality.

When things appear to be crashing down around your ears, the simplest practise is to stop and ask according to whom?

Re: How much giving is good?

Hello to you Bruce~
To answer your initial question………”literally, one moment at a time!”
~Debbie

Re: How much giving is good?

Peace and Light to you balloon string~
Let me turn this around on you a bit, a paradigm shift of sorts.  In this shift, giving and taking are the same thing or even reversed concepts.  Now imagine that what you have perceived as “giving” was really only to satisfy your own desire and need for attention and recognition, love and thanks, etc.  Receiving these gifts as a result of your actions would make all of your “giving” actually “taking”, right?   Or, at the very least, setting yourself up quite nicely for the opportunity to “take”.  In other words, let's imagine that “giving” is the most selfish of acts, and “taking” is the most selfless.
I think the most important aspects of relationships (ALL relationships) is what knowledge and insights we aquire concerning who we are as individuals…..then as a partner….then as a member of the larger society.  IF, that is, we are even paying attention. 
Create the extraordinary………
~Debbie