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I have a personal philosophy about intimate relationships, in general, whether I call them friend, lover or partner. First of all, the latter two are founded on the first, and, “friend” has a relatively narrow definition (I wish that the English language allowed for a more focused terminology!) To me, being a Friend means that we are intimate and vulnerable with one another, and one aspect of that is to call each other on our “shit.” We all have it … we get stuck in our belief systems, we get stuck in ruts. A valued Friendship - again, for me - means that when we see that “something” in each other, we each expect the other to call us on the stuff that's getting in the way of our growth.
This doesn't mean I don't have a bunch of people in my life who I would call “buddy” … someone with whom I can enjoy their company, spend time with and thoroughly revel in each other's company. But, I don't necessarily think of them as Friend … it's not intimate enough, and I don't necessarily trust them with my most intimate thoughts or feelings. I can (and do) trust my Friends with that kind of vulnerability. I can literally trust them with my life.
In recent years, I've set a clear Intent that those who come across or into my Path are people who provide a mirror for me, and I for them. We each have something to teach the other … it's a profound way to live.
That said, the even more intimate relationship of lover/partner demands that we encourage each other to reflect one another and give feedback. One critical aspect of this kind of relationship: it requires that we have that specific agreement between us before it can work. Without the agreement that we are each others' mirrors, and have given the other permission to be honest and forthright … and demanding the best of one another … our efforts to call the other out is specious, at best, and disasterous at worst.
What matters is how we set our Intent … if at all. Being clear with ourselves *why* we become involved with someone (anyone) … be it friend, lover or partner. And, then … have learning to have no expectations (make no assumptions) of one another.
*smile* ….. it's been a Path that's worked well for me. I encourage folks to give it a try … I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Ladee
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