Shy? Not me!

In the beautiful unfolding of getting to know someone, I made the comment that I was shy.  That was disputed and I stopped to really look at that.  I used to be shy to the point of being debilitated by it.  That shifted and slowly changed.  When had I quit being shy?  How funny that I would continue to hold a definition for myself that doesn't fit.

So, we talked about it.  I am not afraid to be seen.  I am not afraid to take up space or be heard.  It changed in tiny steps.  Singing.  Writing.  Finding ways to step out and simply be seen by others.

The willingness to see myself and to honor what a beautiful being is existing in there.  My shyness was a wall that kept me separate and sifted out the love that exists.  It was the better and sneakier defense.  And somewhere along the way I discovered that I could take one step and then the other until I was vulnerable.

And in that vulnerability, I have discovered how to be intimate with another being.  I've discovered how to honor the love that flows through each of us.  And I have surrendered the worry that helped me build the walls that kept me feeling small and separate.

Re: Shy? Not me!

Dear Jill,

At a choir party on Saturday, I shared that I used to be painfully shy and everyone was really surprised.

I no longer define myself as shy. I haven't for years as I have gradually been opening up and reaching out for nearly 25 years and have come a long way from the child and adolescent I was.

However, I am still an introvert in many ways, and that's just as ok as being an extrovert. There are many valid ways of being and understanding in the world.

We often equate shyness with introversion… The latter does tend to lead to the former, especially in childhood, but they are not exactly the same… We value being outgoing and pity and exclude the shy…

Anyway, I find it interesting that you had a similar experience, and will think further on the implications for me of changing/becoming and my nature and character which remain the same…

Love,

Nicole

Re: Shy? Not me!

Nicole,

I love what you contribute.  It is always a slice of something special and human and an offering by example.

Introvert and extrovert are not pass/flunk things.  They are movement of energy and in someone's life can actually flow from one to the next.  I think our society places a lot of emphasis on extroversion as a right way of being.  And it is… for an extrovert.  Introversion is an aweseome place to be for an introvert.  And there are healthy and unhealthy ways of expressing that energy in either form.

I'm so glad that you are here and offering.  What a delightful unwrapping of the Nicole!

Jill