Honor in letting go

I've discovered that to allow something to shatter offers the opportunity to grow and develop in ways that trying to keep it all together will never offer.  Particularly situations with people I care about.  I will hold fast and defend and honor and glue and try, try, try to keep the cracks from creating a shattering effect.  How much time would I save if I allowed the cracking vessel to shatter, and understood how very little control I have over another person's participation in a dynamic?

I do believe that vulnerable, open and honest communication are healing agents in all kinds of relationships.  Where I needed to grow and develop an understanding is the idea that I can hold someone else's end up as well.

I kept asking myself… “when do you know when it is time to let go” and then I remembered the difference between letting go and giving up.  Letting go is total surrender.  Giving up is holding onto something else instead.

So, I let go.  I let the things I worked so hard to glue together shatter.  And I am finding peace.  Grief, sure.  But utter peace.  No grasping at something else.  Nothing filling the void.  Just a surrender over something that needed to shatter.  I always held the belief that if someone was going to sabotage our relationship, I would confront and keep it from happening.  I would stay vigilant.  I would mindfully honor our friendship until that person could also honor it.  Perhaps it is the illusion of control that shattered the most.  Perhaps it was the friendship.  All I do know, is that I understand how very much I was trying to hold onto.  And how very little I truly could control.

And in honoring what was present, I needed to also witness the destruction and honor that.  Allow that.  Let that go, too.  And in the midst of the ache, there is also peace.

Re: Honor in letting go

I'm wondering how you honor letting go when it is time.  How do you know when it is time to let go?

Re: Honor in letting go

Dear Jill,

you know in the same way you know anything… by listening to the still small voice within.

when's there is so much noise in our lives, it's hard to hear… sometimes we need to retreat into silence - away from the hustle and bustle - what grace and clarity can come in the silence and the peace!

love,

nicole

Re: Honor in letting go

Beautifully said, Nicole.

I have come to realize I need to examine the process of letting go every time I find myself in a place of suffering.  The holding on invites that.

Now…. letting go does not translate to quitting for me.  It is a release of expectation and an acceptance for what is.  It honors the process of surrender to a greater love and a divine guidance.

Re: Honor in letting go

I know this is an old thread….but at this particular point in my journey it has some relavence.
My life has been completely run by my ego up until about 2 years ago.  At that point ,my life as I knew it, shattered and I realized I was in control of very little that went on around me.  I can only control (or work on controlling) my thoughts, words and actions. I've lost nearly every posession, I lost my job, I lost all my money (which wasn't much but it was all I had..). . and I lost my marriage.   I was forced to do some serious self-examination and what I found was that my egoic desires had led me astray.  As I've started to listen to that guiding, tiny, quiet voice inside, I have found that my life has improved 100%.  My stress is less, I sleep better and I have actually been reaquainted with “me”.  I had lost myself in a marriage where all I focused on was “we.”  I have learned, not to forget about myself…that I need to nuture me as well as anyone else I'm involved with, but not to the point of losing perspective of either facet. 
The letting go of old habits and beliefs is hard….very hard….especially when I've had 40 years to practice these “undesirable” habits!!  But, once I understood that my frustration with myself stemmed from my “out-of-control” ego habits, everything has become easier to deal with.  I now practice letting go of my need to “try” and control situations and just focus on my areas of control….my thoughts and actions.  This has been so much more fullfilling than any previous attempt of mine to control my life. 
So, after all this rambling….my point is that letting go…of desires, expectations, control of others, and my ego (still a work-in-progress!!) is my new focus…and it allows me, to once again, be happy with ME !
peace always……

Re: Honor in letting go

You've truly said a mouthful!  Yes, it is hard to let go of old habits.  Particularly when they are used to helpf define how we see ourselves.  I applaud your journey!