Gaia: Sacred Walk - LOVE

Re: Marriage

http://singerseeker.gaia.com — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:58:33 GMT

This is so inspiring Jill. Thanks for sharing your joy with us. What a wonderful life!

Love,

Nicole

Re: Marraige

http://jillianne.gaia.com — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:13:34 GMT

Hi Michelle... welcome!

I think that you hit the nail.... love is. and it is as silly as looking for air, when all you need to do is breath it in. If we surrender the shields we put in place, love is present. Communion is simply allowing the love to flow freely.

I am so glad I surrendered, stayed present and was invited to commune with this beautiful soul (husband!)

Re: Marriage

http://measton27.gaia.com — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:08:22 GMT

Michael,

What you've written is amazing. I think there are a lot of people out there who can benefit from the knowledge that they can stop "looking" for love and know that real connection cannot be sought after.

Re: Marriage

http://jillianne.gaia.com — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:38:52 GMT

Recently Deborah asked me how married life was....

It has been over a year since I last wrote here about this subject and I thought I would answer her and fill in the rest of the story...

I am so incredibly thrilled that I have been on a healing journey for decades. In that time I have seen the evolution of me as a person and me in relationship. I have addressed my own fears about commitment and learned to stand just a little more naked and vulnerable. To honor how I feel. A year ago, I felt like my marriage was effortless. Two years ago I felt like my relationship was effortless.

In the intervening year.... nothing has changed except a deeper willingness to honor communion with my husband. It continues to be effortless. People who know me are now asking HOW. And I have thought long and hard about what is different about the way my husband and I approach things and the way that I see other couples engage. Here is what I see:

1) Vijai and I are focused on building a life together. The holistic health of our family is vitally important. We are dedicated to communion.

2) We are each accountable for how we feel and perceive life. There is not dependency on the other one to change how we feel inside.

3) We spend time every single day honoring what we love and appreciate about the other. There is ZERO time given to tearing each other down.

4) Name calling, even in jest, is not part of our lives.

5) We engage in a spiritual practice together.

6) When we do not agree about a perspective, method, idea.... we honor that. Sometimes our best ideas come out of how we each see something differently.

7) Affection is a natural outpouring of our relating to each other. It is never given as a reward, withheld as punishment, or only used to comfort each other. It is as easily given as a smile.

8) We spend time every single day gazing into each others eyes. Most especially when we're having a hard time looking at ourselves.

9) We are not competitive with each other. I have never seen a couple that handles that in a healthy fashion. It usually just creates division.

10) We have family meetings to go over things that are upcoming, like budget, needs, travel, etc. It keeps things from boiling up.

11) We laugh. We seek laughter. We let the silly out!

12) We own up to feeling sheepish or shy if it comes up. And we use those moments of opportunity to truly stand naked and be seen by another human being that dearly loves who we are.

So... it is a mindful path. And it is joyful and effortless.

Re: How Many Loves Does it Take to Find the One?

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 00:01:29 GMT

Despite the late posting, I thought I'd throw in my two cents in on this thread. It was very interesting to me to read the word 'soulmate'. Allow me a prefacing moment to say that I don't believe in such a thing. I don't believe in perfect compatibility, and I don't think that the perfect relationship exists. Alright, the point is out there. Now, let me explain.

As is often the theme in my thought processes, I believe in the force of my will in my life. It is sufficient to change my world such that I can be happy. I don't entrust my life to Fate, either. If it exists, I'm sure She would rather I not be conscious of her anyway. Thus, in relationships, I don't think there really is a 'right one'. What one has to hope for is someone who feels the same about love and commitment. The rest will fall into place.

In my opinion, differences or incompatiblities are not failures or black marks on the potential happiness of a relationship. Rather, they are opportunities for companions to learn something new and enjoy it in a way they might never have before. Example: my ex-girlfriend loves riding motorcycles. I've only ever ridden a dirt-bike, so I'm not sure if I would enjoy riding a cruiser. However, I was more than excited to try. I've never met a life experience I've turned away from unless I felt it would harm someone. Though I hadn't really thought of riding a real bike, my ex had brought the idea to the forefront of my mind. It was something new that I might have thoroughly enjoyed, not an incompatibility to be lamented.

I guess the point here is that you're not looking for 'the One'. You're looking for someone who is willing to work through problems and hold steady in both happiness and sadness. Both of the two feelings are dead certainties in your life. If you and your significant other can survive them, the rest will flourish. At least, that's my thought from my small world.

Re: How Many Loves Does it Take to Find the One?

http://thesearch.gaia.com — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 01:06:32 GMT

Well said!

I believe that we must be as honest and kind with ourselves as we can be and as honest and kind as we can be with each other. Even with both people making those efforts to a greater or lesser extent (you know we all have those crap days when we are not doing so well), we will still have growth and change. We just seem to fear change and cling to the idea of permanence (our partner staying the same 'ol way). Therein lies the rub.
Throw in family and the world and it seems maybe we should just visit each other every once in a while.
But, on the other hand, the love built from a long term investment is built on knowledge of each other and history. Every thing that people have gone through together, good and bad is a tie between them. Ironically, sometimes the worst things are what bind people the tightest.

But then I'm still single too. Ha ha ha!

Re: How Many Loves Does it Take to Find the One?

http://inspiration.gaia.com — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 18:40:00 GMT

I read a book years ago by Speaking Wind and he said, Two broken people come together hoping to be made whole. It will not work. Two broken people never makes a whole.. you just have two broken people.

I have been married and divorced twice. The first marriage was that of a young girl.. 17 1/2, who didn't want to live with either parent and too young to live alone. That marriage lasted almost 20 years due to my being so stubborn and determined to stay married and "make" it work.

The second marriage lasted 8 years and ended also in divorce. Strange, I knew both times that what I really needed was to be single and figure me out.
I had baggage.. emotional crap that I needed to let go of. I needed to accept, trust and love myself.. the way I wanted others to do.

I have now been single for 7 years and love it. I am taking this time to learn about me. I am enjoying do things that I put off when I was younger so I could take care of husband, children etc.
If you find yourself single.. use this time to fall in love with yourself.

When you love yourself.. you are more likely to attract someone who knows how to love.. because he/she love his/herself.

Love yourself well,
Donna

Re: How Many Loves Does it Take to Find the One?

http://jillianne.gaia.com — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 22:54:47 GMT

Hi Amanda...

It has taken me days to sort through how I wanted to say this.

I have experienced the opportunity to grow and evolve in the relationships I have had. I am sure I could have squandered the opportunity. I am sure I could have avoided the need by shifting my thinking sooner.

And yet... the greatest answer comes from the first Harry Potter movie. Harry wanted to know why he was able to find the stone... and he was told "The one who wanted it but did not wish to use it" was the one.

When we use people to fill our own needs (and let's face it... we all have done that). Then.... we see people for who they are.

Had I found my husband twenty years ago, I would have walked on by or destroyed our relationship. It took me to truly surrender my ego and stay present and comfortable in my skin and confident in my life before I could be authentic in relating and could truly see him for who he is and not who I wish him to be.

So, the question is.... How willing are we to strip ourselves bare?

Re: How Many Loves Does it Take to Find the One?

http://jillianne.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:32:11 GMT

Amanda, you said such a mouthful.... I want to gather my thoughts....

So, if I may... I would like to come back to this. I have such a story!

How Many Loves Does it Take to Find the One?

http://whiterosebeauty3.gaia.com — Sat, 31 May 2008 17:29:56 GMT

There are so many people today that have been divorced at least once and are still looking for their true soulmate. So, my question is how many times do people think they are in love until they find the one? Why does it seem so difficult and so many people think they have been in love already? Is it possible to fall out of love? Do we give love a bigger meaning then it should have?

Re: Forgiveness or Negotiation?

http://jillianne.gaia.com — Thu, 29 May 2008 12:28:56 GMT

Welcome to the Pod, Amanda.

I truly believe that forgiveness is never about the other person or the reaction/sincerity or acknowledgment of wrong done... it is about our capacity to disengage from ego. It does come from the heart and I like how you have worded that!

Re: Forgiveness or Negotiation?

http://whiterosebeauty3.gaia.com — Wed, 28 May 2008 19:43:22 GMT

True forgiveness comes from the heart. IT's deep within where you worked on the situation and looked at your automatic thoughts to the situation and to see if they were blown out of proportion or if it was true. I believe it's hard to get a genuine apology because most people don't mean it. I believe you can tell though because the wording in which the person says it and the emotion in their voice shows their compassion towards you.

Re: Forgiveness or Negotiation?

http://jillianne.gaia.com — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 21:54:13 GMT

nicely said. AND WELCOME TO THE POD!!!

Re: Forgiveness or Negotiation?

http://thesearch.gaia.com — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 01:12:43 GMT

It's funny, but for a very long time, 39 years in fact, I thought forgiveness was a letting go and then trumpets would sound ( 8- D ) or the person would see the error of their ways and admit it and I would say it was ok and that was forgiveness. What that ended up giving me was the same wounded soundtrack over and over in my head. I've found that it is just letting go period. It disappears and you are free. The strangest part for this Buddhist is that the phrase, "Let go and let God." was the key in the lock. But, this freedom is beyond comfortable. Its like being able to see after living with scratched up glasses or sitting down after a marathon.

I guess a woman can be a fool at any age, but I'm a much happier fool now.

Re: Marriage

http://jillianne.gaia.com — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 14:02:09 GMT

Michael, this was wonderful.

In a few months my husband and I will be having a 'Blessing ceremony". Our wedding was very small to honor the privacy I felt around the ritual of binding. The blessing ceremony is to honor the greater connection we all share, and to celebrate the bonds of relationship. This seemed like the most wonderful way to honor other's need to celebrate our union.

I love what you wrote! I love that you are in love with that girl you just met! (fifteen years ago)

Re: Marriage

http://instanttruth.gaia.com — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 00:57:09 GMT

Marriage - the state of being united
United - one

I have been married for 15? years I think. I first met my wife when I decided to stop looking for some-one. By not trying to join a "me" to "another" the act of leeting go and giving up allowed me to be One. And in that split second it happened, Tricia my wife appeared. (a few beers may have helped too:)

Love is not something to find, its something to fall into. It takes no effort, reveals itself most when untouched and is the expression of you being the universe.

we are all married, united, one with each other... walk down the street and look deeply into every strangers eyes and greet yourself in them.... and be in.... love.

oh and there is a happier ending to this story... so 15 years now, three kids and tons of difficult journeys i am still "in" love with the girl I met just "last night" as it seems.

Re: Marriage

http://jillianne.gaia.com — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 15:41:56 GMT

Welcome Josie!!

I'm 42 this year as well. Given everything in my adult life and the struggles and relationship stretching that I have done... I would go back and do it all again to have the peace of mind that I had going into this amazing relationship. Just to be here - where I am with my husband - is beyond my wildest imagination.

And I love how you said this "I needed to love myself dearly - No one else could fill this emptiness" I was in that place as well and I worked to a beautiful place of filling full and fullfilled and quite happy with my life. And then... I opened my arms to this beautiful soul that I married.

I congratulate you for the journey and your willingness to share! Thank you!

Re: Marriage

http://riveroflove.gaia.com — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 10:18:48 GMT

What a great discussion! Thanks Deb.

And right where I am at too. I'm 42 and have been working on myself for years and finally feel ready to commit to a man. I'm dating someone fantastic and am excited to see where it will lead.

It became very clear to me a few years ago, that I needed to love myself dearly, that no-one else could fill that emptiness. The work of self love is everything I feel. Then we can truly love another, and our commitment is made out of joy!

CONGRATULATIONS JILL! Thank you for posting your story, it does give me faith and happiness to read it.

hugs,

Josie

Re: Marriage

http://jillianne.gaia.com — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 18:46:53 GMT

I absolutely love that quote. I think I may have that book in my heap of "to reads" Think I will dig it out! :-)

Re: Marriage

http://singerseeker.gaia.com — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 14:59:35 GMT

Yes! love to you