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Re: How Many Loves Does it Take to Find the One?

Jill said Jun 6, 2008, 3:54 PM:

Hi Amanda…

It has taken me days to sort through how I wanted to say this.

I have experienced the opportunity to grow and evolve in the relationships I have had. I am sure I could have squandered the opportunity. I am sure I could have avoided the need by shifting my thinking sooner.

And yet… the greatest answer comes from the first Harry Potter movie. Harry wanted to know why he was able to find the stone… and he was told “The one who wanted it but did not wish to use it” was the one.

When we use people to fill our own needs (and let's face it… we all have done that). Then…. we see people for who they are.

Had I found my husband twenty years ago, I would have walked on by or destroyed our relationship. It took me to truly surrender my ego and stay present and comfortable in my skin and confident in my life before I could be authentic in relating and could truly see him for who he is and not who I wish him to be.

So, the question is…. How willing are we to strip ourselves bare?

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Re: How Many Loves Does it Take to Find the One?

Donna said Jun 11, 2008, 11:40 AM:

I read a book years ago by Speaking Wind and he said, Two broken people come together hoping to be made whole. It will not work. Two broken people never makes a whole.. you just have two broken people.

I have been married and divorced twice. The first marriage was that of a young girl.. 17 1/2, who didn't want to live with either parent and too young to live alone. That marriage lasted almost 20 years due to my being so stubborn and determined to stay married and “make” it work.

The second marriage lasted 8 years and ended also in divorce. Strange, I knew both times that what I really needed was to be single and figure me out.
I had baggage.. emotional crap that I needed to let go of. I needed to accept, trust and love myself.. the way I wanted others to do.

I have now been single for 7 years and love it. I am taking this time to learn about me. I am enjoying do things that I put off when I was younger so I could take care of husband, children etc.
If you find yourself single.. use this time to fall in love with yourself.

When you love yourself.. you are more likely to attract someone who knows how to love.. because he/she love his/herself.

Love yourself well,
Donna

Re: How Many Loves Does it Take to Find the One?

crystalbutterfly said Jun 11, 2008, 6:06 PM:

Well said!

I believe that we must be as honest and kind with ourselves as we can be and as honest and kind as we can be with each other. Even with both people making those efforts to a greater or lesser extent (you know we all have those crap days when we are not doing so well), we will still have growth and change. We just seem to fear change and cling to the idea of permanence (our partner staying the same 'ol way). Therein lies the rub.
Throw in family and the world and it seems maybe we should just visit each other every once in a while.
But, on the other hand, the love built from a long term investment is built on knowledge of each other and history. Every thing that people have gone through together, good and bad is a tie between them. Ironically, sometimes the worst things are what bind people the tightest.

But then I'm still single too. Ha ha ha!