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Re: How would you define acceptance?

Burt [no longer around] said Sep 14, 2006, 8:56 PM:

I readily agree with your definition, Jill, but am not sure how I can always apply it in daily life, i.e., “I accept the fact that you are a rapist, but that still doesn’t mean you can go out with my sister.” It would be nice to stand before people as a non-judged individual, but nicer still to stand before them as a man or woman of honor, integrity, compassion and/or love. I guess what I’m saying, clumsily, is that I’d rather be true to myself than accepted by others. If being true to myself results in acceptance and approval, so be it; if not, I have no one but myself to blame. While acceptance, therefore, is not very important to me personally, your concept of it as an unvarnished perception of “what is” strikes me as valid.

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Re: How would you define acceptance?

Jill said Sep 15, 2006, 5:43 AM:

I'm still laughing over your example…. and your sister will thank you. LOL

I have spent forever thinking about this one. I remember being in a group process 17 years ago and the topic came up. Heated discussion and the idea that acceptance was approval was so prevelant.

I started separating the idea of behavior from the person. Understanding that sometimes people choose to use their behavior like weapons and I am also not willing to give the green light for the rapist to date my sister. It doesn't change the inherent value of the person. So, how do you find the grace to honor the person and hold accountable their behaviors?

And….. is it our job to hold someone else accountable to their behavior? (A whole other thread, I think).

Daily practical application of acceptance. I start small (along with my morning coffee). I accept the circumstances I am in with my life. I see it for what it is and not what I am unwilling to look at. That puts the option for change right back into my life.

Then I practise to accept the things about me that show up during the day. When I behave in ways that are not in line with my values, I accept that. Then I change that. When other people behave in ways that are also not in line with what I am comfortable with, I work to accept what I see. (this is done without the editorial storytelling if I am to honestly accept)…

…. for instance. If someone kicks me in the shin (My personal favorite example)…. I accept when I say “I was kicked in the shin” I editorialize when I say “Biff just kicked me in the shins because he is feeling bad about something and he's taking it out on me”. One is not acceptance and one is.

I'm a work in progress. I think the more that I practise this, the less I am judging someone else, and also the more able I become to enforce my own boundaries because I am not labeling what I am seeing around me. Just describing it without the added interpreation of it's worth, meaning, or motive. I feel like it is a healthier place for me.