when will the needls stop?

I am feeling pretty down today, and quite frustrated with life in general. living in an urban setting where I can't escape the sounds of emergency vehicles or trains, or loud children. makes be a little bit nuts.

I am feeling fairly trapped at the moment, today I revealed some of my darkest secrets about things and events that have happened recently, to my partner sj. most of the time I feel like the odd one in our relationship, and I am not sure that I feel free to love either.

then there is the stress of re opening my claim for service connection that has taken me through some memories, I rather not remember.

the hate that I am subjected to everytime I step out for a cigarrette from my psycho neighbor.

yeah my plate is full, it sure would be nice if this could be a decade of blessings rather than just being a damned survivor of devestation created or imposed on my by outside sources.

I also wish that someone in indiana could help me try and get the court desiscion that was in favor of a guy who ran a red light and caused our accident over three years ago.

this sucks, why is it always crashing in on me? a little relief would be nice. the headaches today are pretty severe and yeah i'm in high anxiety mode. I so need a vacation, but I couldn't go even if I wanted to, because there are so many different proceedings I need to take care of. ugh.

today was pretty much spent in my den, which is my sacred space, its pretty much all i have at this point to rely on. yeah i'm a mess.

oh they just put me on a new medication too, carpidopa, to help with my kicking and spasms in my legs. it seems to be helping physically. but who know, it is suppose to also have an effect on the dopamine in the brain too.

I have an mri scheduled for later on this week to see if I am a candidate for surguy. the bone at the base of my neck sticks out a good 2 inches and pinches everything off quite a bit.

yeah this plate is full

Re: when will the needls stop?

You know, sometimes the hardest task of all is to sit in the discomfort and breath.  And when you are also spending your energy attending to physical challenges, it becomes that much harder.  And yet….. it is the one thing that is going to give each of us enough space to feel the grace that is there for you.

I was talking to someone yesterday about a book I read twenty years ago called “The Dynamic Law of Prosperity”.  It was one of the most fundamentally helpful books I've ever read and it began slowly changing the way I looked at things.  (Slowly because I have a hard head sometimes).  It changed my ability to feel like my needs will be met.  And that shift made me have more room to breath.

Grace is here for you.  It is.  I know this hurts and being discouraged is the worse feeling I know.  and it is a moment in time.  You breath.

I'll keep you in my prayers!

Jill