Jill : Heartful Service

Re: Dropping the Illusions

Jill said Dec 21, 2006, 10:31 AM:
 

Hey Nicole and Gary!

Excellent stuff.  I'll clarify……

I was raised in an alcoholic home.  For me significant drinking is a deal breaker.  I can't and won't have a relationship with someone (intimate) that is incorporating alcoholism.  That isn't what I'm talking about when I talk about disillusionment.  Sure, that may be one of the things that comes to light…. but that isn't disillusionment…. that is a condition/behavior/disease.


What I'm truly talking about is more subtle.  When I was not dealing with my inability to set better boundaries, one of the things I wanted in my man was to be protected.  I projected my own need onto him and when that veil slipped and I saw that he wasn't going to set boundaries for me….. well….. I was seeing him for who he was (that being a human being separate from me) and I was very unhappy that he wouldn't step in and do that for me.  Now…. I would celebrate knowing that.  It means that I am seeing HIM instead of seeing the role I wish to assign to him.

I'm talking about that euphoric state that we jump into that rose washes other human beings and relationships and the deepening of intimacy that happens when that BS falls away.  When you are faced with the human being and not the role you've created out of your own needs and wounds.



When I find someone in my life that is irritating me or pissing me off based on their behavior…. I take stock.  Sometimes it is a boundary issue to a degree that isn't going to work for me.  Most of the time, it is me feeling like they are not living up to the portrait I painted of who that person needed to be.  And then I celebrate my own waking up!

Jill