walking the labyrinth

This post is an amended response of mine to someone else's post. I realised it actually contained much of what I want to respond to the Awareness topic.

The intellect knows that which needs to become experiential - but intellectual knowledge is not experience.

'I' is such a funny one! Such a 'do-er and achiever' - so utterly 'mortal' and therefore so fearful and clinging. And Fear is the golden key; Guru Life's golden finger pointing the way. When 'I' let's go it 'dies' in order to become infinite.. mmm Guru Life's, OM OM OM…

In meditation I spent several years simply stilling the mind and focusing on my centre or that which is nameless. And thought I was doing quite well.

Then recently I listened to a lovely set of YouTubes by Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo on meditation (they're on my blog) and I became aware I wasn't this (relatively) advanced meditator I thought I was, (so healthy to realise these things! ;) when she said something like this:

'when one focuses on an object in meditation, the object must be more clear and vivid in our mind than it is when we're looking at it with open eyes'.

She continued and her words revealed to me that the state of relaxed (sometimes too relaxed), quiet mind was not IT (far from it!), unless there is complete alertness too.

I hadn't been focusing on an object in meditations, but realised that when I close my eyes, and visualize any particular object, I certainly did not see it more clearly than when looking at it with open eyes!

On a CD I have, HH the Dalai Lama speaks of that point between (the mind) being too relaxed and too taut…. 

Then I was fortunate to attend teachings by Ven Geshe Damcho Yonten. He directed me to the simple practice of focusing on my breath. At first I wished he'd give me something more challenging to practice. But I started on my 'breathing with (complete) awareness', practice.

…I thought, aah this'll be a walk over! Then I found I was getting frustrated with myself because my mind wandered (because focusing on breath is so simple, its so easy to be aware of what else the mind is getting 'up to' and also I think I had a sense of rebellion about having to focus on an object when I actually wished my mind to be free of all objects). After the newness of the experience started to wear off, I found my mind often hardly stayed with the breath at all!

I was receiving all sorts of advice from people, 'let the mind wander', 'follow the thoughts', 'observe the thought, then let it go', and so on. But I had the sense that I wanted the discipline of  training the mind to stay with the breath. I had the sense that it was a bit like exercising the body in gym - that my ability to focus/concentrate would become strengthened with practice.

I also have the underlying sense that at the time of death, the mind needs to be able to be focused - this is another story I'm touching on here - relating to rebirth - another time!

I heard HH the Dalai Lama say on the CD (something like) a monk who was practicing something like this found the training to be worse than being imprisoned in a Chinese jail! And I thought, 'hear, hear!'

Now and then I realised that focusing on an object is similar to the opposite practice which I'd always loved. In a sense the practice reveals the emptiness of the object. I also realised that such experience of insights, which I treasured, meant my mind still wandered too easily!

I felt sad and spoke to my beloved husband, Gien about this a few weeks ago (we meditate together) and he told me to bring the experience/feeling of loving kindness into the practice and it will become easier.

I tried this, focusing on transcendent love, and found this really helps! The sense of love is so powerful its almost as though the mind is provided with the fuel it needs to focus. This also gave me a deeper understanding about the importance of loving kindness and also how love the essence of what we are and needs to be the underlying experience in all we do.

OK back to the 'meditation cushion' (presence/awareness) because meditation is an ongoing learning experience just like anything else! and I am still in the early stages of walking this labyrinth

Re: walking the labyrinth

I wonder if you would like to take this further now, HummingBird.

Re: walking the labyrinth

Let me ask dear Rumi to speak instead…