3. My Shadow

Archetypes are often paired; Knights with Damsels, Students with Teachers, Mother/Father with Child, etc. These Archetypal dramas play out repeatedly, whether we are conscious of it or not. The benefit of becoming conscious of these energies is that we find ourselves entering an awareness of what animates us and the kind of relationships we are drawn to. When we are able to identify these energies, we can see the patterns being acted out in our life.

Each archetype has a dark and a light side. For example, The Addict may have play itself out in our lives at some stage. If we cease to deny and confront this shadow aspect of self, we are in a position to transform our lives.

Although there is a light and shadow side connected to every archetype, they do not correlate to good/bad or positive/negative. Rather, the “light” areas of an archetype are the ones we recognise and readily embrace. The “shadow” areas of an archetype are the ones we project onto others, rather than identify in ourselves. We interpret these as “enemy” or as “alien” presences that fascinate. To be whole, we need to integrate the rejected, inferior side of our life into our total experience and take responsibility for it. When we confront our shadow aspects, they become powerful tools which can bring about transformation in our lives.

An example of The Shadow archetype is The Prostitute. This may sound quite negative, yet if we search for it, we will all find it within. There may have been a time when someone offered you money, a job, a meal, clothes or some other material thing because they wanted to help, which we accepted at a cost to ourselves. We may minimise this cost because we feel the thing on offer is of greater value to us than our loss is. However in time we may regret having made this choice. However when we confront this archetype, we become empowered and cease “selling out” for survival or security. (See My Challenges Room for an example of working with a Shadow archetype.)

a) A person I feel aversion for (perhaps a colleague a family member I just can’t hit it off with). Describing this person and seeing if I can identify an archetype I feel best represents them.

b) What I learn about myself from looking at this person (my shadow)

c) How I can transform this shadow by integrating it into myself

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Amorphous:
The one who sees the petty and blows it out of all proportion.

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My mother is my shadow. The person with OCD that I work with is my shadow.

I recently had a conversation with my sister about people with addictions and how we both used to become addicted to the wrong men and develop an addictive relationship and how while we never take drugs, drink alcohol to excess or smoke we actually understand addiction very well and are very careful about avoiding addictive things because we recognise the capacity within ourselves for becoming an addict. I also in my work am very compassionate towards addicts. I see “there but for the grace of God go I” and am very patient. I think this is because I have worked many of my own demons through and learned to love the part of me that has this capacity.
I still struggle with people with OCD which in itself is another form of addiction. I am consciously developing compassion for people with this problem. I have a problem with it becasue I tend to have an attention hyperactive problem and they show me up.

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Meenakshi, I resonate! My experience is chatter in the head

Jenny, my mother has also been a great teacher!



The shadow I select presently is ’Beggar’. I see many beggars on street corners and feel a lot of inner discomfort. On the one hand I want to rescue them all on the other I know I cannot. I give a little and know it makes little difference. I am always groping inwardly and sometimes outwardly for solutions and trying to understand the strong feelings of discomfort I feel.

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Thankyou for that response
I think I learn from my shadow that I can be flexible
I am slowly learning that I can appreciate the shadow person and see all the wonderful things they are.
The sting has gone.
I also today discovered that I have a problem with shadows that hide their feelings and wont let others in.
I learned that I also do this probably a lot more than I think.
This also can be transformed but I struggle with it sometimes in some palces with some people.
I dont have to be perfect all at once.

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Jenny, I guess the nature of the shadow is to hide. When we cast the light of wisdom on it, it is no longer shadow.

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am developing slowly a friendship with my coworker with OCD and realise we are more alike than different

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more thoughts round my 'beggar shadow'… The beggars which effect me most strongly are the women i see with children standing on street corners. I keep feeling this just shouldn't be happening. It feels the children are being used and feels similar to child labour. Some of the children should be at school and others are babies strapped to a womans back. These babies do not get the chance to move around and play and discover the things crucial to them at that age as they spent the best part of the day often without hats on strapped to a back. I know there are occasions when mothers have no choice. I also see some women who have a different child with them each time I see them and wonder what's actually going on…

I wish our government would ensure there are no children on the streets. When I recently organised the 'peace and compassion march' this was one of the things listed in the memorandum. I have also tried phoning the welfare who are barely coping to tell them the places where the children are but nothing happens.
 
I have decided to collect toys, clothes, blankets etc for the children and hand these out. I felt sad though the other day when I saw a child I'd given a toy to, finger it with delight, then hand it over to the adult he was accompanying. 

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Anna, it is so frustrating when governments ignore these things, but don't give up.
It took ten years for me to get one particular thing changed and right a wrong, but persistence works.
My advice, know how the system functions, aim your letter at the right level and to the right person, supply evidence. If first ignored go up a level if necessary to the top. Knowing the system here means all letters go through our local MP, he then sends it to the appropriate MP, We can ask him to inform a particular MP but can't write to a minister direct.There is another thing I am trying to get changed and it was ignored by the department concerned, even though I sent a link to appropriate research based evidence, I haven't given up but sent the same evidence to a recent comission on health, tf that fails I will start a petition, but I well not give up when childrens lives are at stake.

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Thank you, Zephyr these are important words. One must never give up. My country is so far behind so many others in so many ways. Unfortunately it is a leader in other areas such as violence…  this is not to say it has no potential - it does and so much!  Many wonderful people come from this country - in the past and also alive today. I guess this gives us all the more reason to be up and doing!

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Anna, my daughter in law who died from cancer a couple of years ago came from
S Africa, so I do have some understanding, she was a lovely daughter in law. I think of her often.

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I appreciate how connected you feel, love

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Jenny, it is so precious - this traveling with you, thank you!

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This morning I put this in my blog as wasnt ready to put it here but am now. 

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Jenny, it is your receptivity to your journey which is beautiful.

love

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Victim - It irritates me when people can't get their act together, and blame all sorts of external factors for their own misfortunes.

I irritate myself, because I can't get my act together and I don't want to be seen as a victim.  Shame poor B….

I'm trying to be bit kinder to my shadow because I think she's here for a while.  I can't help it, I didn't plan it this way.

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the journey of loving kindness…

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soccermom, I'm with you there. I feel impatience towards those who cannot see others being happy and enjoying each other's company without feeling the need to malign. Who attack those they seek to join. The tyranny of the weak.

And then all those mixed voices come up - be compassionate, be kind, don't be impatient, be sympathetic.

So few people nowadays move because of sympathy, which conversely seems to keep the status quo, that I am moving into the thought that compassion is not sympathy. I feel that; but have yet to absolve myself for doing so.

[Confusion confounded!]

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Meenakshi, it does seem at times that every group has someone who is there to create disharmony, doesn't it.

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When I try to speak with one brain, I always run across problems with using words! I'll say this now in a left-brain way that will may be clearer, but may lose the tone, and become more verbose.

There is shadow wherever there's light in this dimension.  In every human interaction, I see a need to move the other, however subtle it may be. When I speak or listen to you, I am seeking to move you to engaging with me. That is a small shadow, but it is shadow.
When we  teach, the shadow is that we are seeing the darkness of ignorance in others and if we're not careful, we aren't able to see their light; if we seek to be sympathetic, we are sharing in the problems of others but are also seeking to lessen them, and thus move them away from them [even when you tackle a problem, we are seeking to move away from a space where that problem exists]. Similarly when we heal or help.

Compassion is noticing that everyone has light available to them within and without. And also darkness. And that each of us is making a choice. Our actions can help each other to move the choice we are making; or to stay in the same situation that they are in.
If I feel I see someone in darkness, I can choose to sympathize, but it will help them to stay there- lift a little out of a rut, perhaps, but then fall back because sympathy cannot flow forever, but light does [and actually, so does darkness- they're equi-poised within love]. I am seeing so strongly nowadays, that to really help people [who are all aspects of One], 'we've' to let 'them' take that first step; to stay in our own truth and let them see it, to help them to acknowledge the darkness that surrounds them, and if they choose light, to let them take the steps that it will take to jump out of the hole to do so. And if they want to be pulled out, they will be able to do so, with their own strength.

Because if someone reaches in and  pulls another out, it's the butterfly who came out of the cocoon before it was ready.

And now that you've compassionately allowed these words to emerge, I hae absolved myself of the shadow of 'not helping'. Thank you!

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Thank you Meenakshi, I resonate.
It seems empathy may be more helpful than sympathy. When I empathise, I am with you - if I sympathise I am likely to feel in a better position - or at least - removed from you and so distance is created

love

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Meenakshi: …to really help people [who are all aspects of One], 'we've' to let 'them' take that first step; to stay in our own truth and let them see it, to help them to acknowledge the darkness that surrounds them, and if they choose light, to let them take the steps that it will take to jump out of the hole to do so. And if they want to be pulled out, they will be able to do so, with their own strength.

Because if someone reaches in and  pulls another out, it's the butterfly who came out of the cocoon before it was ready.

This is the way I feel too, but I find it is often misunderstood—or perhaps I fear others will misunderstand it. A completely different thing. I don't want to be thought of as uncaring—that's my ego, of course; my heart knows how much I care.

What others think is not my business. What I do, how I be, is.

Ruth

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Ruth, yes- that's it - that we fear that it'll be misunderstood as uncaring; and also that it actually is, sometimes.

But if we can continue to be, as you say; and to be empathic, as Anna points out - then we keep connecting light to light, and together, this part of the labyrinth is traversed. Or - we're back to the beginning, as we've done so many times before.

One of my teachers taught us to connect heart to heart and third eye to third eye with  others. This way, intuitive,  balanced communication can take place.

How happy I am to have this beautiful group to enjoy this labyrinth!

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Meenakshi, your openness and sharing is a gift, thank you

love

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Now this one can saw hello to meenakshi and Ruth who had not posted recently on the 1st two steps
. To understand how this one choose to use “this one” to refer to this one's self read this one's posts in “Self.” If anyone in the group is annoyed by this one using “this one” this one will stop and use “I” instead.

This one was in the city of his former marriage family and wanting to consider moving back there. To help facilitate this decision this one went to a crystal shop to get a geode crystal. This one expected to get a clear crystal geode. The shop only had grey crystal geodes. The first one this one picked up looked like a death fighter from some Star Wars movie. This one felt it's energy and it was strangely calming but come on, it looks like a deathfighter ship.  So this one put it far off to the side. Yet every other geode this one held was of a less satisfying/less calming vibration.
Then this one realized that this was a dark side crystal. On closer looking, the geode had an iron intrusion that looked like the eye of a cobra/rattlesnake and crystal fangs and a huge venom reservoir and scary scary energy. The other face looked like a magical dragon. So this one bought it to accept this one's dark side, to embrace it.
This one had been doing a lot of meditative work on accepting others dark side.  When this one has a negative thought about or from someone this one now groks that the thought is this one's, the words said are this one's, the images seen in the mind's eye are this one so the negativity is this one. So this one now hugs the negativity and turns the frown upside down. This new crystal has helped with archetypal negativity and decision negativity.
na'ameste'
iljung

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a) Metalheads.  People with an “evil” or “gothic” style of dress.  Drug addicts.  Child molestors.  Angry people.  Psychics.

b) I look at them as things that have hurt me in the past that I want to avoid.

c) Understanding that these are very real things out there, even if I don't want to admit it and don't want to face it anymore.  Understanding that in denying memories I deny a part of myself that wants reunion with myself.  Embracing people who must learn the same lessons I did and not interfere.

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important explorations, Iljung and KJ

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The shadow is watching too much news.  It is not a workable shadow.  it keeps people in fear via sensationalism and talking about negative things in life and the economy (their product) and pushes things like “ask your doctor” type of ads that are influencial to putting a society in a state of apathy.  Within 2 weeks of not watching the news this shadow disappears and life is not so dangerous as the news talks about daily.

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One of the reasons why I dont have a TV!
We all have our own shadows and there are also what we can call the shadows of our society\country, culture, etc.

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An interesting idea which occurs to me is that we revisit our archetypes which we posted then examine their shadow side

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We feel empathy, and if we do sometimes all that is needed is to sit with the one who is in darkness, struggling, and allow silence and time for them to think.
They may or may not reach a conclusion that is helpful to them, reflection back to them and encouraging them to project possible outcomes helps them to sort out feelings and actions so they can see the path that is right for them. I think sometimes not everyone is comfortable with silence, but it can be comfortable, and empowering for the person working through a diffichlty, a gift .
I was a nurse teacher, and with experience I learned to step back while they learn, again gifting silence allowing time for them to reason and come up with solutions, then encouraging them to reflect and consider consequences, in the end they came up with solutions I already knew without me telling them and some surprising new ones, I then gained further knowledge. Becase I hadn't spoon fed them, they gained confidence in their own learning skills which would stand them in good stead for their whole nursing career which is a continuous learning process, as life is. Teaching is not a case of I know best do as I say, more a case of being with a student while they learn for themselves, reflecting, enabling them to learn with a safe back up, being their safety net while they learn and gain experience

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PS, Have just realised that this technique removes the shadow side which Meenakshi talks about because we are seing the student as capable, not ignorant as Meenakshi describes. I wasn't too proud to tell the students when they taught me something, and this gave their confidence / self esteem another boost, and helped them realise learning is continuous even for the more experienced.

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it sounds like a valuable experience for everyone involved, Zephyr

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 Zephyr, I know now why I “get” you, here and in other threads. We have a few experiences in common. 
Having been a nurse in the distant past and today I start another social work student in my job as a social worker in health. I love teaching and also teach the parents that I see as clients. I love that too. I use silence often and have learned to give recognition when people teach me something. It is such an enjoyable process. I havent always understood this. Being unafraid of the silence is something we have to learn.
And soccermom I hear you , having struggled with similar issues around giving and not taking. 


I think what Anna said at the top about the prostitute archetype also rings true. In the seventies as a young girl I became pregnant and “had to get married” as people did then. I always felt that I was getting “bed and breakfast” in return for being a sexual partner and raising the children of my then husband. There was little affection and lots of resentment.

 When I left that I went into extreme poverty as my family disowned me for beccoming a single parent and getting a divorce, bringing disgrace on them. Living in poverty had its huge problems but I dived into it and embraced it and felt no longer in the chains of that sense of prostituting myself. I had walked away with nothing but a suitcase of nappies. The freeing up of my self was powerful and I decided to never be tied to “things ” again. 

As I was leaving the situation I was presented with many opportunities to again prostitute myself for survival and in some cases literally prostitute myself. I turned my back on them and came out of the power of that archetype. Now I am able to help other women in that situation because I had been able to embrace it and come out the other side. The archetype tries to draw you back in until you do that.

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Jenny, the 'prostitute archetype' is such a powerful teacher within all of us

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Anna, today I went off to work thinking about this and thought that the beggar and the prostitute are very close to one another. Its sad when people feel that to survive they must beg or in a metaphorical sense prostitute themsleves and their children by displaying their neediness in the streets in exchange for money. I think the only way to deal with that as an outsider is to look at the systemic issues causing the poverty and try to change them.

When I realised the inequalities involved for disabled children in my state where they were unable to access swimming lessons or even be able to enter a swimming pool due to access difficulties I campaigned to get that changed. I wrote letters to every state and federal politician associated with our state and made appointments with and visited the different political leaders to request that something be changed that funding be provided. 

I didnt go demanding or begging. I went with my passion and showed photos of the efforts I had made to bringing swimming lessons to a group of children with disabilities. I painted an emotive picture for them and asked them to all put aside their political differences in an effort to provide equity for the children. It worked!!! They put on disabled swimming lessons in the public pools at the same price as those for non disabled children. They also did research into accessibility into all the pools and supplied at least one with a hoist and changed the dressing rooms of all of them so that there was a family dressing room where a father or a mother or carer could take their child to be changed and toiletted easily.

I alone cant provide for everyone but changing the system is the beginning. One person can achieve a lot. So looking at beggars on the street needs a creative person to work out how they can change the system so that people dont have to beg. Its a big ask but if you start addressing that then you satisfy your sense of duty to mankind without putting a few cents into a cup that will ultimately do very little. 

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As I read your post, Jenny I'm awed and inspired by the sense of how hard you've worked.
Something has just popped into my head - I just thought of monks and their begging bowls - there's a whole area of 'food' for thought here…

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wow, I hadnt even considered that but my understanding of that kind of “begging” is that they are being recompensed for fulfilling their spiritual duties to mankind. Almost more like busking in the streets. A musician busks in return for money. A monk prays in return for money. A beggar sits and asks for money….. I think its about the energy flow. If the person wanting money gives something back there is hopefully an equal exchange of energy flow. When a beggar has something to give back he ceases to be a beggar. 

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More thoughts on people in the streets going hungry. There is a man and woman in Sydney (Australia) who started a sfood van for the homeless. He is inspiring. Some people just need a hand up. Some of the people who help him are the homeless he originally started feeding. He gets lots of support from companies, bakeries, foodchains. Its a real grassroots response to a problem. 

http://www.justenoughfaith.org/
http://www.justenoughfaith.org/video/John_JEF.mpg

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I guess the distinction is a beggar may believe he or she is suffering, whereas a monk is liberated in this sense. Therefore a beggar appeals to our sense of compassion.

A little while ago I heard an interesting talk on CD by Robert Thurman where he spoke about monks, referring to something Thomas Merton had said. I wish I could remember the exact words - but he said something to the effect that monks are 'not prayer factories' and went on to explain that we support monks, not for what they do in return but because we support their practice, studies, path, etc - mm I'm not doing Robert Thurman great credit in my interpretation I'm sure! I tried to find a quotation by Merton on this but unfortunately couldn't. None the less I found this interesting writing -

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we have a guy like that in Montreal, the street kids call him Pops, a Catholic priest - see Dans la Rue (on the street): 


After 17 years, many of you know Father Emmett Johns (Pops) and know Dans la rue quite well. You know that every night our Van goes out to feed hungry..

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I took a peek at the link, Nicole - it looks really special

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It really is, one of the brightest beams for hope here for the homeless.

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I had a look Nicole. I really admire these people. The guy in Sydney calls his Just enough Faith or JEF for short. They have made a medical centre and dentist where dentists are asked to volunteer one day a year so the homeless get their teeth cared for for free.

As for the difference between begging and begging as a monk, belief and perception is so interesting.  A few years ago I was watching the TV show Big Brother about people being shut up in a house for about 4 months and being filmed. In effect they were in jail but their perception was they were on a tv reality show so the negative association with being in jail wasnt there and people didnt want to be voted off and go home.

Anna if you want to know where to find anything on Thomas Merton ask Silent Temple.