4. Forgiveness

Re: 4. Forgiveness

Just want to add this thread from Vajrayana Buddhism Pod:

The possibilities and the limits of forgiveness

Re: 4. Forgiveness

Going to take a peek now, thank you , Albert

love

Re: 4. Forgiveness

I just wanted to add something: I have a nice triangular deck of cards called “words of power”

F forgetting
O our
R Revenge
G gives
I inward
V Victory (that)
E enables
N new
E evolution (for)
S self
S service

Lately, I have been going through every single person I have met in my life, and imagining looking into their eyes, and saying something like, ” robby, I am sorry if I have ever said, or thought anything that was not so good about you. I hope that you find all the happiness in the world.”

Re: 4. Forgiveness

That's lovely Ryon. The other night I was listening to a teaching and he said:

Think of someone who has hurt you/made you angry/someone you find very difficult.
Take a page and divide it into two columns. In one column write all the things you don't like about the person. In the other column write the things which are good about the person (there must be some ;)

Then tear the page into the two columns. Take the list of the things you don't like and throw it away. Take the list of the things you like and give it to the person you wrote about.

Re: 4. Forgiveness

Beautiful sharings. What you shared, Anna, is about helping the person change to what we like about them. What do you think?

Re: 4. Forgiveness

Meenakshi, this is good to explore. I feel the process the teacher spoke of is a very deep one. One is about us 'the victim/hurt/angry/etc one' being prepared to 'throw away' our negative feelings. Having expressed them is important and allows us to be more easily freed of them - so we can take the next step and let go of all those negative feelings which is not doing us any good at all. Then going to the person and giving them the list of things we like about them is a way of 'turning the enemy into a friend' - it may not be possible to go all the way but certainly will be healing steps in that direction - at least on our side.

It is also a good exercise for us to explore the good in those we do not feel are our friends. There is this saying which goes something like: a stranger is just a friend we do not know and an enemy may once have been our friend. We tend to forget the things we once liked about someone who has hurt us and also we forget that others may love them. It is simply our perception of them which has changed.

Also for the person receiving the list there will be all sorts of possible growth potential. For one thing they may well know our feelings and there could be a learning from example - they may be moved that despite of all that has happened this list has been given to them. Another possibility is, as you've mentioned, they may 'grow more into the list' and lessen what had been on the other list.

Generally when someone is given love they respond well. Having said this - when someone has wronged another - it is one thing to forgive - and another to relieve them of responsibility for their actions, which this list cannot do.

Re: 4. Forgiveness

What's important about forgiveness, from the viewpoint of energy that I look at it; is that it allows each person in a situation where wrong has been done, or perceived to be done, the freedom to follow their healing on their own, without the added burden of the constant memory of the wrong.

Some situations may not be conducive to giving the list personally. In other cases, when one of the people is already in pain with the wrong that has been done, a list like this can cause very deep shame and/or guilt, that would not help in healing.

In this case, we could 'give it etherically', in the sacred space of removing any hooks or cords that bind us to each other in pain.

What do you think about this, Anna?

Re: 4. Forgiveness

Meenakshi, I agree. It is so true that one cannot simply generalise and we need to respond to each situation in an appropriate way. My sense is also that the list can be 'given' symbolically - for example, the person we write about may no longer even be alive. The main lesson I personally take from this teaching is, in the case of forgiveness, anger or hate: although the other may have wronged me, the negative feelings I carry in response are harming me too.

So often in situations where there has been harm done to another and one is unable to recover - the harm which was done is carried is often passed on to others and this can continue down generations and generations of people. Almost like a mother giving birth to babies of her own nature. I feel forgiveness is a crucial part of recovery. My sense is that recovery is almost a responsibility we must take on so we do not cause further harm.

This little exercise is but one means of transforming those negative feelings into positive ones and contributing to a more peaceful, loving world. My sense is that even if the transformation of hurt, anger, hate, etc takes place within the secrecy of ones heart - it will still have far reaching consequences.

It can be a seductive but futile process when one has been hurt by another, to wait for them to correct their error and thereby relieve our pain. Wishing for solace from another, especially if that person is ignorant, can hold us hostage when as you point out, we can create our own healing and be liberated

Re: 4. Forgiveness

1. My feelings of anger and wish for revenge are a natural response. I need to decide to be willing to forgive. What I understand about forgiveness…


Forgiveness is allowing yourself to let the past be the past…  no matter what you've done or others have done to you.  It's about reclaiming your emotions from that moment so your mind doesn't revisit it with longing or avoid it.

2. Who I most need to forgive. Telling my story and expressing my feelings.


Myself.  My brother and father.  My old friends who followed a darker path.  My ex girlfriends.

3. My anger has something to teach me about how I need to change. Getting in touch with the message and wisdom of my anger.


If I shut myself off from the rest of the world, they can't understand me and don't know how to help me through my situation.

4. If I can forgive others, I can also forgive myself. Guilt is a symptom rather than a condition. Guilt means there is something I need to pay attention to and something I must do.

Re: 4. Forgiveness

Biig hug, KJ. This is an insightful post.

I am sorry to see you have experienced so much pain. Fellow travelers can understand, accept and hug you. But the inner pain will only subside when you understand, accept and love yourself

love