Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

 I believe that you should have sex because you want to ,if you want to explore sex before you get married then do so. However, if you wait for marriage to have sex  that can be very special gift for your partner  : )

                                                  What do you think ?

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

You should wait until you get married before you have sex make your man feel like he is only one plus it's very special day for the both of you.

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

I wouldn't have the slightest idea, because I sure never did.

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

That depends on the individual. For me, I had no intention of saving myself, so I would never have expected as much from my wife to be, whoever she turned out to be. But that's not to say it shouldn't be important to someone else.

I guess in my view, I had bigger fish to fry when worrying about marriage.

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

Will your man wait for you and you will be the only one?  He should be held up to the same standard as you are.  That's equality in bed.

Stacey 

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

First, I want to say that sex is a very special gift from God given to humans and we should use it wisely, it's beautiful and you should only share yourself with someone who will share with you your life.

If you and your partner feel like having sex then do so and if both of you feel that you are not ready and that you'd want to wait till marriage then do so.

I guess most important that both sexes don't exceed and go over the line with the sex thing… meaning don't jump from bed to bed and by the time you get married you already slept with 50 some person… That wouldn't be good in your profile and it wouldn't fair for your partner.

Plus, Marcia is right about saving yourself for marriage, your partner will feel so special and you too will feel so special and it is definitely a special night.    I, myself can't wait for that special night.

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

You wouldn't buy a car without taking it out for a test drive now would you?

Sex is more than Christianity or religion or marriage.  Remember, some people never get married, so they should never have sex?  We live in reality and reality is we need sex like we need to eat or sleep.  Denying sex has caused so much human suffering in the world.

It is safe sex that is needed not abstinence.  Whether you save yourself for marriage is a personal choice not a mandatory one.  Men who have sex are seen as studs and women as whores.  Such a crock of s…

Sex is fun if you care about each other enough to be friends.  People need to realize we are nt all of the same religion and moral background and value judgements cannot apply to everyone as a consequence.

Besides, what's wrong with sex?  Animals have it and their not married.  Yes. I know, we are nt animals but I respect animals for their ability to fucntion without all the superflous guilt we have.

So, I guess if you want ot wait, then wait for marriage.  But don't condemn anyone who has sex outside of marriage as it is a personal choice.

I know I won't tell my kids to wait for marriage…I sure din't. 

Stacey 

To Stacey

You tell'em girl!! I agree!

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

Actually, we are animals.

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

I agree with Stacy, just because women like sex and variety does not make them a whore.

In fact all that conditioning comes from women being treated as property.

What guy really wants a virgin? 

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

Thank You Richard A women is not a whore because she likes sex totally agree : )

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

Maybe I used think that was an ideal way to go. Now, certainly, marriage as an institution is a failing paradigm. The Right-Wing Christian coalition has done their share to mess everything up with their rigidity and uncompromising, rude and degrading set of attitudes. From a biological point of view, marriage as we have come to know it in the West, at least, may not serve humanity’s best interest in terms of genetic selection and diversity. At any rate, I didn’t wait and know of no friends of mine who did. Ours is a world of multi-layered dimensions and considerations. Sexual behavior is probably best left to individual choice and ultimately resides within the itegrity of the individual. Life is precious and worthy of the highest expression of dignity. Formality and conventionalism does not appear on the horizon of my future vision. Blessing and thanks for the topic and discussions!

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

You want to read a fantastic book on the phenomenology of sex and all its first person experiences?  Read Smut, Erotic Reality, Obscene Ideology by Murray Davis.  1983.  Real eye opener on the way various social entities and religious organizations view sex.

Stacey 

Why wait???

Well this is a touchy subject… I don't think its necessary that people wait… but it all depends on the condition… a friend of mine is dating this woman for over a year now and they have not had sex once!! They are in their mid-30's and wish to wait.. I personally am not mad at the decision.. there is a time when if you really want to be with someone, and you anticipate it being for the long haul,  then I don't see a need to rush.. Although I've seen some relationships go to way side b/c people had sex too soon (sometimes its good to get to know a person mentally and spirtually..only if you anticipate it being serious)…

If you are trying to have sex to satisfy curiosity or a physical desire than I'm in no position to say don't… but handle the shit with responsibiity… Most marriages are ending b/c most marry for superficial reasons… it leads me to a phrase a friend once told me (sorry ladies :-) )… “Most women can tell you what type of wedding she wants, the type of ring, ceremony, etc.. but ask her how she plans on making her marriage last, she is left speechless…” Men we are no different..the majority of the time Men marry based soley on looks (which is the worst)… Ask a man what he wants in a wife… and normally you'll get a description of a model from a magazine.. (let's not even begin to ask how he plans on making it last)… 

What if someone never gets married should they deprive themselves like a lot of these instiutionlized religions that say no sex before marriage.. That's why I can not condon priests, nuns, monks, not being in a relationship. It puts too much of a strain on the phyche to resist temptation.. I guess thats why we read about dispicable things going on in religion…

 Well hey what do I know… I'm just the 800lb gureilla in the room…lol..

marrying b4 sex is like...

Having to marry someone before you have sex with them is like having to sign a contract with your food before you eat it…lol:)

Re: marrying b4 sex is like...

“Having to marry someone before you have sex with them is like having to sign a contract with your food before you eat it…lol:)”

That was what “marriage” was originally invented for, me realizes. Nowadays with more enlightened and mature ways of viewing the same institution, we can come to other conclusions as to why marry. Besides legalizing our offsprings that is. One central to me reason is to want to declare the sharing of a love and a documentation of a commitment that essentially says : I care enough to be here today, and tomorrow and hopefully for all our tomorrows. I want to share my life with you. I care for you that I want you to share your life with me.

What s sex got to do with marriage anyway? :)

Re: marrying b4 sex is like...

What s sex got to do with marriage anyway? :)

Well, that's a good question! Don't get me wrong. I'm all for marriage (just had my 10 yr anniversary) and I'm all for sex. To me, sex is an act of two souls who are trying to unite together to become ONE. This desire of our souls transforms into a desire of the body that is so darn hard to resist. Religion and this heaven and hell business is what sparked the man made idea of “you better be married or else…”

I say by all means, have sex! But I would also say please don't do it for the wrong reasons: power, control, money, manipulation. Doing it for these reasons is where we get all messed up!

Namaste

Re: marrying b4 sex is like...

Yup!

Re: marrying b4 sex is like...

Jessica you said :

I say by all means, have sex! But I would also say please don't do it for the wrong reasons: power, control, money, manipulation. Doing it for these reasons is where we get all messed up!

Isnt that how (traditionally) in society (in Singapore and USA and Europe and China and….well, everywhere not studied by Margaret Mead I guess…) we are taught those are what “sex” is for? -power control money manipuation - AND status? There s a book called the Rules for Women (how to snag and control a rich man) which I m sure is still on the bestseller list, and there is nothing new in that book. I m pissed this is still going on and I dont think women are the only culprits, but as my friend Shawna says, “the girls got it down pat, and the guys are still clueless(about sex as control)”.

I hope not to start a fight with such ideas, I hope we can have an open and healing dialogue on this :)

Love and Light

Johann

Re: marrying b4 sex is like...

Hi Johann, first of all, thank you for your comment. I'm here to learn such as you.

Second of all, I hope I interpreted your reply the right way. If not, please forgive.

I see you know some history on this sex stuff…nice. I suppose it's true this is what sex has been used for since the beginning of history. But don't you think it's high time we say…”HEY, THIS DOESN'T WORK!”

 Using sex in these ways is why some people have such twisted and demented thoughts and actions for it these days. Sex is built into us like our DNA. We don't say “hey honey lets make a baby” we say “hey honey, this is what i want to do to express myself to you right now” then we have babies and that's o.k too! (I hope people are not steaming mad at me right now…lol)

Anyhow, when and if you are using sex as control, my dear, you are fighting and contoling yourself, no one else! You must look at what is inside of you saying “I need this from this person…and in order to get it I…” When you use sex as a tool, you are saying to the universe…”there is not enough, I need more” and that is the ultimate lie. There is Enough and you don't need anything from anyone. Have sex because you want to and FOR NO OTHER REASON. I could go on and on but I won't.

Much Love and SEX

jessica

By the way Conversations with God has some beautiful dialouge on this.

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

Personally, I believe that sex is something that should be shared and explored with many souls. Marriage [to me] is pointless unless you plan on having children. Why save sex for one person? You may even grow to dislike that person down the road and find out that you wasted all those years of saving sex for that one person. Saving sex for one person is silly; it’s like hiding a side of your personality to all people except for one person in the hopes that it will enhance that one relationship. Be open, and be free to everyone you meet. You have a better chance of finding the right one with this method anyways. Oh yeah, and I am biased. My parents are divorced. = p

-Dirty S.

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

That would be unnatural to wait. Marriage is an institution created by Man.

I do think it is good for raising children. Really it would be best to look at it as that an agreement to raise children. So why wait till one decides to raise children, to expereince union and pleasure?

Re: Should people wait for marriage to have sex ?

What of those communities both indigenous and “modern” where raising children was a community effort, not just a family or single parent effort. Can the loss of this experience even be quantified today?

The focus of marriage for raising children is in this spirits opinion, just another limiting mind trap. Yes, the benefits of exposure to both parents in invaluable, but, then we stop there, or perhaps with a select few other family members. And we wonder why our progeny grow up with all the baggage we gave them.

Sex as a form of communication and method of relating to and helping others heal themselves is very under rated and un-explored / known except by non-traditional societies, many of whom no longer exist, yet are no doubt laughing at our customs and inhibitions.

Marriage…its sole saving grace is, again in this spirits opine, to serve as a crucible for transformation of intensity. Other than that, its time is over.

Sex should however be an act of trust, sacredness, and most importantly love, otherwise, we are referring to just physicality, which has a place, and more negative acts, which are not sex, but forms of violence.

Love and Light