Gaia: Embracing the Single Life

Re: Post-Divorce Sex and Dating

http://philosophy.gaia.com — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 03:17:25 GMT

Boy did this post have me laughing hysterically! Such great stuff.. Please feel free to share more great stories such as this anytime =)

Re: Post-Divorce Sex and Dating

http://queserasara.gaia.com — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 21:43:17 GMT

hahaah! I just realized my Freudian Slip! I wrote that the title of that essay is "Learning How to Have Sex" but I meant to write, "Learning How to Have Text!"

Post-Divorce Sex and Dating

http://queserasara.gaia.com — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 21:41:15 GMT

Hi, everyone! I am 6 years divorced (well, separated actually...my divorce is finally going through its final stages) and I started writing a book of my post-divorce/post-separation sex and dating adventures! I'm still writing it, even though I am no longer single--I am happily partnered with the most amazing dad-to-be. (We are expecting a baby girl in October!) However, having just stumbled upon this group through one of the Divorced Women's pods, I thought I'd offer my stories to everyone here.

The stories are meant to inspire, support, and make you laugh out loud during this time of readjusting to single life again. Certainly, I am writing them from my point-of-view, so more of my female friends have been able to relate, but my male friends truly enjoy them too! So please, read away! The first one I'm posting is called "Learning to Have Sex." I will post the same stories here as I do on my personal blog and the divorced women's group, by the way...

Because footnotes can't be used here, I have used asterisks (*). Sorry, but you'll have to scroll all the way to the bottom to read the footnotes. Also, I've changed names, places, and times to protect and hide the folks involved... I hope you enjoy it!

-------------------------------

"LEARNING HOW TO HAVE TEXT"

Thank God for Dick. If it weren’t for him, I’d never know how to text message. I was one of the last people in Los Angeles to own a cell phone, and after a year of having one, all I had figured out how to do was scroll through the phone book and speed dial.* But then good old Dick entered my life and poked a little fun into my post-divorce cell-phone virginity.

So there I was, six months after my ex-husband and I had split up, hand-delivering a package to my boss Mike who was having an informal meeting in a rather large conference hall. As I was leaving, a tall, handsome man appeared before me. Dick. The attraction was obvious and the flirting immediate. We did the obligatory chit-chat as two people drawn to one another must.

“So, you’re from Mike’s office?” he asked.
“Yes, and you?”
“From LKP. We’re going to be over here for the rest of the week, finishing the plans for Marketing.”
“That’s great!”
“It is?”
“I mean…yeah, sure. That’s great.”

And I left.

The next day, in hopes of having to hand-deliver another package to my boss, I wore as short a skirt as was allowed by professional standards and do-me-in-my-stiletto-heels heels that would never be allowed by professional standards. Luckily, my outfit did not go to waste. I sauntered and swayed myself into the conference hall and Dick was there. I came, he saw, I conquered.**

As I was leaving, Dick practically sprinted to me as eager as a schoolboy, asking if he could text me.

“Text? I don’t know how to text.”
“Really? It’s easy. Just hit reply when you get my text message and write something back to me.”

So I gave him my number and left.

Not even ten seconds passed and my cell started to beep and buzz. I pulled the phone out of my purse, and there it was, my very first text message.

< You are beautiful >

Blushing,*** I hit ‘reply’ and laboriously wrote a message back. A complete texting newbie, I didn’t know that my phone had the intelligence to guess the word I was trying to write.

< Thanks >

Within seconds, the beep-buzz happened again.

< What are you doing after work? >

It took me five minutes to respond, not because I didn’t know what to say, but because I couldn’t figure out how to input a space between the words. Finally, I sent him:

< Going home with you >

Now before I go on, I want to be clear. I would never in a million years be that forward and that easy, BUT 1) I had just split up with my husband and 2) I hadn’t had sex for a few months and 3) I was trying out a new me, and well, 4) Dick was HOT. He was Smith in “Sex and the City”, James Dean, and Denzel Washington, all in one. He was the perfect post-divorce booty call. I knew it and all I wanted to know from him was whether or not he would be able and willing to fulfill my need. My text message, <Going home with you>, made that abundantly clear, and his reply made his availability clear.

< Meet me outside at 6 >

We went straight to his place and tore each other’s clothes off and had anything-goes sex in every way possible. But we didn’t kiss. He reserved kissing for his heart relationships, not his sex relationships. I was absolutely not interested in getting into anything but bed with this guy, so all sexing and no kissing was perfect with me.

He asked if I was into threesomes. Good Lord, I thought, I just got out of seven years of monogamy. When would I have ever even thought of a threesome, much less gotten ‘into’ threesomes?**** I told him that I’d consider a threesome with another man. After a moment of thought, he suggested a foursome – two men and two women. I would pick the woman and he would pick the man, and as long as we approved of each other’s picks, we were good to go. I agreed to the plan.

He started to tell me about his parents and his sister, and that’s when I got up to leave. If he was going to be a good little booty call, then he had to abide by the rules and tell me nothing more than his name, address, and phone number. Bad enough, I knew where he worked.

So I left and went to Keisha’s house, where I had been living since I left my husband.***** I told her everything. She loved it and cheered me on for having such fearlessness and aggression in taking a lover. Then the beep-buzz came.

< What r u doing? >

I showed Keisha the text message. We laughed that girlhood laugh that women laugh only when we’re with our girlfriends. I spoke aloud as I wrote my response, “Hanging out with-”

“No!” Keisha said. “Tell him you’re getting naked!”

We laughed and I did it.

< Getting naked >

Seconds went by and then:
< R u touching urself? >

Keisha and I laughed again. From then on, we discussed every response before I sent it.

< Yes, I’m squeezing my nipples and playing with my clit >
< Ooh, baby. tell me more! >

“Oh my God! What do I say?”
“Tell him you’re sticking your vibrator in, pretending it was his huge, erect cock!”
“I don’t have a vibrator!”
“Just do it!”

< I’m sticking my vibrator in me, pretending it’s your huge, erect cock >
< Mmmm, my huge cock loves ur wet pussy. I want 2 put things inside u >

“Put things inside you? Like what?”
“I don’t know!”
“Well, ask him!”

< Like what, lover? >


Keisha and I were in hysterics.

< What else, baby? >


“Dinger? What the hell is a dinger?”

< Finger, that is >

Keisha said, “Tell him you want to put things inside him too!”


< Tell me what u wanna put in me >

< Yes! What else? >



“What else? Isn’t that enough?”
“He’s into getting things put up his butt! Tell him you’ll put a cucumber in him!”


< Oh, yes, baby. What else? U’r going 2 make me cum! >

Keisha and I were on the floor with this one, but he wanted more, so we gave it to him.


< Yes, baby! >
< And then my leather cosmetics bag >
< Don’t stop! What else? What else? >
< My universal remote control and snowboard boots >
< Stick them in me! >
< My 1976 Malibu Barbie doll, my CD collection and my Honda Civic >
< I’m cumming! I’m cumming!!! >

Dick and I (and Keisha) continued our text messaging, or as I called it, our sexed messaging, for another couple of months, but we never ended up having sex again. He found a guy for the foursome, but I quickly disapproved of him when I saw that he was the size of a grizzly bear and kind of looked like one. And well, I never even looked for a woman for the foursome. I didn’t really want a foursome. In fact, I didn’t want to do anything with Dick but the sexed messaging. I had become an addict. But then, I met Prototype, my first love after my husband, and the sexed messages got replaced with love messages, and Dick fell limply to the side.

Texting is by far my favorite mode of communication (even without the sex) and I owe it all to Dick, the man who popped my cell phone cherry, the man who taught me how to have text. Thank God for Dick.

-----------------------------

Footnotes:

* Now that I think of it, as soon as I bought that cell phone, my relationship with my husband started to crumble. Perhaps it was the cell phone that ended my marriage. Or maybe it saved me from my marriage. Who knows? But thank God for Dick.

** Boys are just so easy to work sometimes. Show enough, but not too much, and they’re all over it.

*** Mind you, this is not a literal expression here. Asian women don’t blush, unless we’re missing the enzyme that breaks down alcohol, but even then, we only blush while drinking.

**** Hm. Seven years of monogamy and I never thought of a threesome? Either my ex-husband and I had life-changing, ‘I could never leave you’ sex or I am just flat-out lying here. You decide the answer.

***** Does this tell you the answer to Footnote #4?

Start something here!!

http://Krika.gaia.com — Wed, 21 May 2008 18:37:36 GMT

I have been notified that there are new members, welcome!

Please note: that due to current challenges in my life I cannot moderate this group- I have given all of you administrative capabilities ....

so anyone who wishes to infuse the group with new life please do so and best always....

Chris

Re: What the hell happened?

http://zengirlde.gaia.com — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 15:24:08 GMT

Yeah, I guess I finally did get a life!!!! :)

I bought a business and finally admitted Ito myself and others that I have a boyfriend :)

How about the rest of you?

Re: Social Isolation

http://sahajanath.gaia.com — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 22:30:07 GMT

It is both a blessing and a curse. People far too often fail to remember there is a real person on the other end of the keyboard. Honesty without love is cruelty. Or something like that.

So, it seems like you're suggesting the internet is like a big confessional booth?

What the hell happened?

http://sahajanath.gaia.com — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 22:26:59 GMT

Did we all get lives? Haha, kidding.

After my 9 month rebound relationship, I'm getting a better handle on being single. Doesn't mean I don't want to be with people, date, or, well, a guy's got needs... but I'm pretty well uninterested at the moment in being half a couple.

Anyhow, shoutz out to everyone in this POD, hope you're having fun!

the gift of me

http://wdwm.gaia.com — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 00:37:47 GMT

I have found that embracing the self is what I really needed, I cannot expect to be ok in ANY relationship until I am ok with me.
I have given myself this gift of this time and place right now because it is needed.

Re: Acheiving more as a single

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 19:18:58 GMT

I've also been coming to this realization over the past few years, but more intensely over the past few months. I am presently in a relationship with someone I care a lot about, but I find myself more and more feeling drained, and feeling as though I'm a bad partner. I seem to have trouble "flourishing" personally at times when I'm with another person. That's all I've got, for now.

Re: One way not to feel lonely

http://Krika.gaia.com — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 03:28:27 GMT

Hi Mary,

Welcome. Sorry this pod has been so inactive.... I suppose that could change.

I have been told that I come off at time as closed, and unapproachable, any suggestions spiritually how to deal with this?

I have also been told that I am "aloof and unavailable" mostly by my 7 siblings. But sometimes (like in my family of origin) we develop methods of dealing with the world such as aloofness or unaproachability as ways of protecting ourselves. There is nothing spiritually wring with protecting your heart. But its a good thing to be aware of and work on, but I am of the opinion that it should be worked on without self judgement. In fact, in my situation this "unavailability" probably saved me. Protected me enough so I could heal from alcoholism (well, at least have a nice long recovery 10 years+) Protected me enough to grow and thrive... now maybe with my siblings a few walls can come down, because I am safe and strong enough to let them.

Forgive the terrible spelling- the spell check on Zaadz always eats my writing so I don't use it and its late and since I am not writing this for a grade- I will not worry about the spelling.

Re: Introductions

http://mazeworld.gaia.com — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 06:40:39 GMT

Hello

I actually like the single life. I keep myself pretty busy and I am at the point in my life where I like doing my own thing without having to answer to anyone. Not that I won't rule out getting involved with anyone. If it happens fine, if it doesn't fine.

Re: One way not to feel lonely

http://ShantiM7.gaia.com — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 04:20:54 GMT

I read the poem and I can see how there is a sense of feeling a great warmth in being surrounded by others at times. Those there are days, moments, hours where I am in a crowd, at a coffee house or event and I feel so alone, so disconnected and not sure how to reach out. I have been told that I come off at time as closed, and unapproachable, any suggestions spiritually how to deal with this?

Mary

Re: Introductions

http://SoulTraveling.gaia.com — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 06:25:32 GMT

Hi Mary,

I have recently joined Zaadz, and i was interested in your experience with visualisation and doing romantic things with your self. Have you seen any changes in your life as a result of this?

Re: Acheiving more as a single

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 17:35:51 GMT

i agree with you on a lot of your points. thnx for sharing. take care and peace

tyrone

Re: Acheiving more as a single

http://Girlwithsmiles.gaia.com — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 23:10:21 GMT

Ps. Avoiding sappy American love movies might help too, I don't know about this culture supporting individuality and independance, it seems to me that you only have to watch a 'girly movie' or listen to a 'r & b' song and there is no respect for being simgle as good.

A good book, a live band, live comedy and local theatre all better entertainment for a 'real person'.

Acheiving more as a single

http://Girlwithsmiles.gaia.com — Fri, 05 Jan 2007 02:05:21 GMT

Funny, many of the major changes in life for me have been as a single:

Moved to Australia on my own, decided to stay in Australia on my own.

Began my career on my own, made many new friends through being on my own also.

Now I am beginning to wonder if it would be such a great thing to be with someone else? Left the dating site I was on today, I'm tired of meeting people for coffee who are really nice but hold no spark for me.

I seem to lose my energy when I am tied to someone else, or maybe it's just been the wrong someone else? whichever I enjoy being me and free and unless a relationship can allow for that I will be those things alone but not lonely there are too many groups to join, bands to see, friends to see and make.

A partner would be a bonus but the wrong one... well I've been there and I'm glad I'm not there anymore!

Vivre la difference, but while you're single why not make the most of it and do what you want, and enjoy it? As long as there are people in the world you have no need to be alone.

Re: Social Isolation

http://Girlwithsmiles.gaia.com — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 07:43:48 GMT

I find that Zaadz actually helps connect me to other people in a similar way to my local radio station (4ZZZ).

Some of my friends live pretty mainstream lifestyles and through listening to my fave radio station and participating in Zaadz I can learn and interact with people who are actively living alternative lifestyles.

Who knows maybe I will actually socialize with some of them, I certainly go to some 4zzz events- alone, sometimes!

I too was worried about this(online interaction and it's validity/ reality), but on discussion with other zaadsters I think balance is the key.

As for social isolation I guess in the future there may be links to mental health and the net and as usual it will be difficult to ascertain whether the net caused problems or they were already there.

Re: Introductions

http://Girlwithsmiles.gaia.com — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 07:30:38 GMT

Hi Guys,

Yep, I too have a love hate relationship with being single. My parents are still married and I too would love a life partner.

But I am also happier being single than being in a relationship that is not right. The whole connection thing seems harder to do as I get older, and I don't like the whole kids subject and as a thirty something it is all on the table.

Geez if I had a partner that I really liked who knows... but I am so over having strangers "hope that I find someone nice soon", or be "sure I'll meet someone great as I'm a great girl". I know they are being nice and lovely but really ; it gets a bit much at times.

Sure I miss having someone to share my life with, but you know what? most of the time I'm too busy having a geat time as a single to think about it!

Re: Introductions

http://endbegin.gaia.com — Wed, 20 Dec 2006 15:07:26 GMT

Hi,

Being single is a conflicting feeling, but so is being in a relationship which is unable to make a deep connection. I cannot express the thoughts of Peaceloveandm7 (Mary/Shanti) above any more beautifully so I won't even try to ruin it.
Like everyone else here, my personal experiences have taught me so much. You do lose a part of yourself as Zengirl says, but a contradiction emerges in me in that I feel less afraid thinking about a relationship but I feel like my selectivity filters are so much more fine tuned. A natural process of evolution, perhaps. Sorry for the rambling, just meant to say hello.

--Nik

Re: Z Dating

http://everyoneisconnected.gaia.com — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 07:52:37 GMT

Laura,

             I like when someone puts my cynical mind into check, I honest to goodness feel like there are wonderful people out in the world. AND I honest to goodness feel like the good outweigh the bad.

               I gave it some more thought, I don't want to me pessimistic about zaadz dating, I would love to hope for the best. Why as far as dating goes I would automatically jump to the negative aspects of "what could be". Is something that I need to look ino myself for.

           I hereby reverse my opinion, I think we have the intelligence, power, and heart to be able to tell the difference between the good guys/girls and those that spoil the thought for the rest of us.

          Thank you Laura for helping me think differently about it, and not letting my personal biases get in the way (potentially) of something that could be great.

         Think about it really, team up a bunch of like minded individuals that are both (in the couple) dedicated to changing the world, and WAHHHBAMMM! Less time for it to actually happen! They would have similar goals, and work together to accomplish them, Zaddz would be a great place to make TEAMS out of individuals.

                                                                                          Love and Hope,
                                                                         Michelle