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  Domus Ulixes : Some Kid

In need of answers

Domus Ulixes said Jun 18, 2008, 4:49 AM:

 

Please look to these questions with your most objective and most neutral point of view…

1. How can I let someone stop, that whenever something is not going perfect, she doesn't use that single imperfection, to recal all previous imperfections, and make her mood spoil by just that one imperfection?

2. Why is it that some people break up with their partner, without that their amazing mutual love has had any role in that decision. But that the decision is bassed upon, what one person in the relation decides that some things should be considered as bad, whereas these are not spoken about with their partner, and are sometimes simply not true?

3. If you love someone, and that someone loves you (more) in return. Is it then bad, that you see your relationship as a ship that will sail through every storm. whereas the other who loves you more, sees it as something that will sink eventually?

  Man of the East : Nobody

Re: In need of answers

Man of the East said Sep 20, 2008, 1:38 PM:

 

1. How can I let someone stop, that whenever something is not going perfect, she doesn't use that single imperfection, to recal all previous imperfections, and make her mood spoil by just that one imperfection?

It could be that your girlfriend's habit is rooted in unresolved issues or frustrations, they have somehow built up to the extent that little annoyances trigger uneasiness and, unfortunately, an involuntary defense mechanism. Bring this matter up to her attention and patiently explain how your moments together would be more intimate, enjoyable and meaningful if she manages to pinpoint and neutralize the cause of this tendency. Say also, in a way that won't offend her, that it irritates you. People like her would benefit from regular meditation and frequent interaction with pleasant and optimistic people.

2. Why is it that some people break up with their partner, without that their amazing mutual love has had any role in that decision. But that the decision is bassed upon, what one person in the relation decides that some things should be considered as bad, whereas these are not spoken about with their partner, and are sometimes simply not true?

If a girl truly wants to break-up with someone, as opposed to just creating some sort of drama to re-awaken their partner's enthusiasm, then it means she doesn't crave for his company anymore, she no longer finds him necessary. Of course, when confronted, the girl may tend to come up with all sorts of crap reasoning just to avoid hurting the other person and make her decision appear rational (in my observation, most decisions to breakup are, in fact, rational while most decisions to stay together are not). But the bottomline is the boy does not rock her boat anymore, he has lost his appeal… at least to her. So, the boy cannot do anything about that, it takes two to Tango. If it reaches that level then it would be best to let go and just wait for another girl to come along, there would always be another.

3. If you love someone, and that someone loves you (more) in return. Is it then bad, that you see your relationship as a ship that will sail through every storm. whereas the other who loves you more, sees it as something that will sink eventually?

It is not bad, it does not make sense. If the other party loves you more then she should be even more optimistic about the relationship and willing to do whatever it takes to preserve it. These eccentric nonsense could be taken as telltale signs that the girl is planning to exit from your life.

Being bothered by these things boils down to dependency or attachment. Before we met our partners we were alone, and we were alright. We can go back to being alone and being alright while being alone. When I say alone, I am speaking in context, meaning without a partner. But we will always have family and friends. It is perfectly alright to engage in love relationships, it is great. But the moment we become afraid of being left alone it creates all sorts of problems for both. We do not own our partners, they may opt out anytime and it's their right. So we should enjoy it while it lasts. There would be no fear or resentment if we know that we're doing our best and if we understand the nature of such relationships. One who is established in truth is not devastated by the loss of temporal substance.