Need Some Perspective: When a parent and teacher see differently.

Please forgive my venting. I just feel the need to deal with this and perhaps gain some new perspective. I have a son who is in kindergarten at a Core Knowledge Charter School. For a while, they have been given paper “trophies” when they reached mastery of certain skills i.e. learning addresses, birthday, phone number, zipper, coins, tying shoes..etc. I am fine with this system. However, my sons teacher sent home a note yesterday explaining that all children had 2 days to master all ten skills, or they would not be able to participate in a class pizza party and would have to find other lunch arrangements.

I have issue with this. I don't know where to begin. I feel that excluding children who try but may not succeed by a timeline from socializing with friends and playmates is a wrong reward system.

My son has mastered all but two. He has issues tying his shoes (but tries) and gets confused with coin recognition. Because of this, he may not be able to hang out with friends at a pizza party. He is sensitive and knows when he is being excluded. Is this the right message to send to a kindergartener?

AM I just whining? Do I force my son to get it in two days and make him feel worse when he does not? or does? Is using food in rewards system ethically responsible?

Well, I handed in money for the pizza party and wrote a note to the teacher explaining how I did not feel this type of a reward system was right as it might send the wrong message. I did not believe in exluding those who try but may not succeed. My son came home and told me she talked with the whole class about how those children who did not master all skills by her timeline were not deserving of attending the party. I am troubled. I am not a parent who thinks her child does no wrong; I am just a parent who believes things like tying shoes and coin recognition will come in its own time. I am a parent who does not want to see my child become sad and frustrated when he cannot be with his friends during a social time because of something he may just not be able to get.

I am very sad. I want to address this issue, but I want to make sure I am being rational and logical. However, I feel I have to go with my gut in this…I know there is more than just my son struggling with this and to feel their dissappointement will break my heart.

I need to know I am not taking this too personally. Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation would be greatly appreciated.

- A sad and frustrated parent of a child who embarks upon the worlds teachings in his own time.

Re: Need Some Perspective: When a parent and teacher see differen

Jena,

Believe it or not that kind of stuff is how they are shown in school to deal with children.  School teaches kids how to be good workers and followers.  Not true thinkers and expressions of their highest potential. 

We recently had a similar type of action at our school.  While being Lake Tahoe Environmental Magnet School, their main focus is test scores and governmental funding.  Our child got denied a party because two our her classmates were being loud in class. 

I would talk to the teacher and tell her your concern.  If it happens again talk to the principal.  I know that it is hard, especially if it is a good school.  The options are definitely limited.

When your son masters the tasks take him out to his favorite place and celebrate.

I do feel your pain, and let me know what you learn.

Josh

Re: Need Some Perspective: When a parent and teacher see differen

I have had many issues with the school district we are in, too, but not with this particular thing. I have never heard of this kind of reward system before. Where we are, the teachers might say something like all the classes are competing and the class who has the most children with all their trophies at the end of the year could have a party, or maybe they are awarded bonus bucks for each goal they meet and can spend them at the end of a year in an auction. Another time it was if every kid in the class reached the same goal by a certain date they would get a party, but if any one didn't make it, the whole class lost out on the party together. The latter being a way to get those who are good at something to be willing to help others to master the skills as well. Maybe these things would make good suggestions. (the auctions at the end of the year are from donations parents make to the class room maybe bubbles, used books or toys, candy bars, etc.)

Re: Need Some Perspective: When a parent and teacher see differen

Oh my!  I can't believe these things happen.  Sometimes I think I live in a closet.  I homeschool my children, but still…I thought we were a little more advanced now a days and understood about learning styles/timelines/self-esteem, etc. etc.

This is very sad.  When will the “system” realize that people are all individuals?  I have 6 children all raised the same by me and NOT ONE is like any other.  They all learn different, behave different, have different temperments, etc. 

I am so glad I have the opportunity to homeschool my children.  I couldn't imagine having to deal with the school system.  People always ask me how I can handle all the “work” of homeschooling.  I always tell them it's way easier than if the kids went to school, and this is one of the reasons why!

Corina