Hello fellow parents

HI Everyone
My name is Dawn and I have two “spirited” boys that just give me life.  I cannot tell you how many times they have given me the inspiration to “go on”.  I know there are other parents out there that would like to talk about raising children from a child centered perspective or perhaps an attachment parenting perspective. 
I would love to talk with you!   Let's see, my most recent and probably the greatest challenge with my boys has been leaving them with other people.  We decided to start some preschool with our 3 year old this week, and I guess the normal thing to do is run out the door while someone holds your screaming, frightened child.  This is really difficult for me, even though he does calm down and enjoy it after a few minutes, so they tell me.
I really like to celebrate the seasons with my family, and we recently moved to Arizona, so our seasons are little different here than most of the country.  So, I am trying to figure out how to adapt to the changes that happen here.  Any suggestions?
Talk soon,
Dawn

Re: Hello fellow parents

Hello. My name is Tammy. I am a Mom of three girls ages 14, 12, and 5. I also have worked in the day care field for many years. I have trouble leaving my kids with other people as well. My oldest was molested at age 3 so I have a big problem with trusting other people with my children.
I do know from experience that most kids when they cry like that, they really do calm down and have a good day once the parent is out of sight for a few minutes. They try to make you feel guilty for leaving them to get you to change your mind. Once you are gone there is no reason to continue because you as the parent proved that you aren't going to fall for it. It's a rare occasion that a child continues to cry and has a miserable day after the parent leaves. Therefore, if you make the drop off quick and leave right away, it gets the crying done and over with faster and the child is happy much sooner. The more worked up you let them get, the longer it takes for them to calm down when you leave.
I took all three of my kids to a preschool at the age of 3. My first had no problems and just said “ok, you can leave now” like she couldn't get me to go away fast enough. The 2nd one started right out a cryer. She would beg me to let her stay home with me. Knowing from experience how so many children I took care of stopped right away when their parents left I decided that would be the best thing to just quickly walk away once I told her I was leaving. It was very difficult to do and so much different when it is your own child and you are the one they are laying the guilt trip on, but I did it anyway. There was a window in the door. I waited about 4 minutes and then went back to peak in the window. She was playing happy as could be with play dough at a table.
If you are really worried or concerned about your child it is perfectly ok to go back unexpectedly to check on how things are one day to make sure they really do stop crying and that nothing inappropriate is happening at the school. Better to be safe if you have a bad feeling about something.
My youngest daughter started out school being just fine like my oldest was. Then as a four year old 2/3 of the way through the school year, she suddenly didn't want to go to school any more and started not only crying, but pretending to be sick. That's most normally s sign that something is wrong at school. For a child to enjoy it so much then suddenly hate it is something to be concerned about. They may have had a bad experience at school or on the bus. Could be something bad happened with another student, a teacher, or a bus driver. I was really worried when she started this. After a few meetings with her teacher and many talks with my daughter we discovered that she was just really bored and everything at home was more fun. Why leave the fun to go be bored. She is really advanced for her age and hasn't learned anything new at school. She was just excited about enjoying the socialization before and now it's gotten old.
I have two brothers who live in Arizona. We all grew up in western NY. They had many health problems when the first year they moved. Your body takes time to readjust to new climates. They had to be extra careful to drink lots of water. They weren't use to the heat and it's very easy to get dehydrated without even knowing it there. They also said they had to buy Vaseline and put a little in each nostril with a Q-tip just before bed each night because the dryer air gave them sinus trouble and they also had a lot of bad nose bleeds from it. The Vaseline helps keeps the nasal passage moist while you sleep to help prevent some of these problems.
Hope some of this helps.
Tammy

Re: Hello fellow parents

Hi Tammy
I finally checked back in here and read your post!  Thank you so much for your words of support and advice.  We gave up on preschool and will try again in the fall, mainly because I had the opportunity to spend the summer in NY (which is where I am now).  We are working on potty training and that will increase our school options too.  I grew up in NY too, just north of NYC. 
Do you think that by not responding to the child when they cry that it can cause trust issues?
Lots of love,
Dawn

Re: Hello fellow parents

Hi Dawn,

My name is Sam (as in Samantha) and I have a little girl who's 9 months old called Leela. Ok, so I've got a bit of time to go yet before Leela's off to nursery, but I'm having similar experiences with separation anxiety. I've attachment parented Leela since birth, although I'm pretty new to it, and I find it works very well - she's such a happy, confident and sociable little girl. However, she has always had a preference for staying with me and not going to other people (her Dad included!). I think this is probably natural, but it can be tiring for me. I wonder sometimes whether the anxiety lies mainly with me leaving her in fact!

I guess that you may be about to start your little one's preschool again around this time. I hope it goes better for you now. Personally speaking, I don't like to think that children are by their nature manipulative but are trying to express their needs and feelings. If a child cries when being left at a nursery, they may simply be trying to communicate feelings of uncertainty, of a natural desire to be with you and not “hey, I don't care if you have things to do, I WANT you to stay with ME!”. Of course they're going to be uncertain at times of change and at those times, they're more likely to want to stay close to you. I think that the softer approach of saying goodbye happily, even if it takes a bit longer, may be worth persevering with as that, in my mind, is a kinder and more trust-building approach. I'm sure there are people out there with many different views on this though. In my experience, using attachment parenting methods often prevokes some pretty strong reactions amongst people, so remember to stick to how you feel and how you feel your little one is too. It's not manipulation - just another form of communication to you.

Oh and one other thing - how's the potty business coming along? I've been doing elimination communication with Leela since she was 6 months old and that, combined with attachment parenting, seems to be working very well. I wonder if that's something you, or any other readers have considered?

With very best wishes,

Sam