Gaia: Spiritual Parenting

Re: Hello fellow parents

http://samlangdon.gaia.com — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 10:59:49 GMT

Hi Dawn,

My name is Sam (as in Samantha) and I have a little girl who's 9 months old called Leela. Ok, so I've got a bit of time to go yet before Leela's off to nursery, but I'm having similar experiences with separation anxiety. I've attachment parented Leela since birth, although I'm pretty new to it, and I find it works very well - she's such a happy, confident and sociable little girl. However, she has always had a preference for staying with me and not going to other people (her Dad included!). I think this is probably natural, but it can be tiring for me. I wonder sometimes whether the anxiety lies mainly with me leaving her in fact!

I guess that you may be about to start your little one's preschool again around this time. I hope it goes better for you now. Personally speaking, I don't like to think that children are by their nature manipulative but are trying to express their needs and feelings. If a child cries when being left at a nursery, they may simply be trying to communicate feelings of uncertainty, of a natural desire to be with you and not "hey, I don't care if you have things to do, I WANT you to stay with ME!". Of course they're going to be uncertain at times of change and at those times, they're more likely to want to stay close to you. I think that the softer approach of saying goodbye happily, even if it takes a bit longer, may be worth persevering with as that, in my mind, is a kinder and more trust-building approach. I'm sure there are people out there with many different views on this though. In my experience, using attachment parenting methods often prevokes some pretty strong reactions amongst people, so remember to stick to how you feel and how you feel your little one is too. It's not manipulation - just another form of communication to you.

Oh and one other thing - how's the potty business coming along? I've been doing elimination communication with Leela since she was 6 months old and that, combined with attachment parenting, seems to be working very well. I wonder if that's something you, or any other readers have considered?

With very best wishes,

Sam

Re: Hello fellow parents

http://chronicallyhealthy.gaia.com — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 23:28:25 GMT

Hi Tammy
I finally checked back in here and read your post! Thank you so much for your words of support and advice. We gave up on preschool and will try again in the fall, mainly because I had the opportunity to spend the summer in NY (which is where I am now). We are working on potty training and that will increase our school options too. I grew up in NY too, just north of NYC.
Do you think that by not responding to the child when they cry that it can cause trust issues?
Lots of love,
Dawn

Re: U.S. economy...a continuous struggle

http://capreycorn.gaia.com — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 13:41:00 GMT

the economy here seems almost blind regarding the worldwide crisis. jobwise all has stayed the same in our family..but i´m sure the full effect of the crisis will be felt pretty soon in our country..
the economic summer of hell is not over yet..
something else is going down right now...it could be connected to the economy ..i don´t know.
people have become a lot more edgy lately...there seems to be a veritable boom in divorces and separations...feels like something might be going down soon on a larger scale and "the rats are leaving the ship"..or the soul feels eager to live out life to it´s fullest before things get nasty. (that´s just a weird thought i had about the things going on....)
i am fighting right now to keep the family bond upright. divorce is imminent, but that´s hopefully just on paper...in real life though..it might continue or even get better... won´t be trying to save money, if spending it helps save the family bond..there´s not much to save anyway as the cost of living is quite high.
the kid (6) does not need any more toys...all that is interesting for the kid now, is online games ...that´s a very cost efficient hobby...and getting familiar with computers early enough is not such a bad thing...

money is important...but the 3 most important things in life are: faith , hope , love..

FYI, living on purpose blog by a fellow Gaian!

http://Myefate.gaia.com — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:11:38 GMT

Hey parents, you might want to check out Jessica, she is a feature here this month at gaia, and her mission to live on purpose seems like something we all are working towards.
Love mye-
http://groups.gaia.com/z_network/conversations/view/450444#450444

Re: Hello

http://treniff.gaia.com — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:02:05 GMT

Hello. Welcome to the group. Sounds like your little girl keeps you very busy, lol. I also love to read and write. I used to be a nanny and did day care for quite some time. I have 3 girls ages 14, 12, and 5. I have always made up stories for the my kids and other children I take care of in the past. I finally now am taking the time to get one published which I have never taken the time out for in the past. I think since I no longer do day care and my children are becoming more independent I finally am taking a little time for myself. I'm looking forward to hearing more about you and your family in future posts.

Hello

http://Myefate.gaia.com — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:33:54 GMT

Hi my name is maja, mye or myefate...or mom, or where is your mother,lol!
My hubby and I have one darling little demon on rolleskates named Esja. We are working on number 2, lol!
One day at at time.
I love being home, but still find myself needing creative outlets..so I am also an intuitive reader, writer and artist. I am working on a DIY workshop for Oracling with the Tree of life and have a group here, but for now am letting it sit on the back burner until I get my techincal difficulties ironed out and some serious revision efforts on organising such a large subject as the Tree/Qbl. But this all started as a way for me to live conciously of my spirit self and personal self, and the means to bridge that gap!
Now I am working to stay centered as my 2 and half year old developpes her ego...every day is a new lesson in creative thinking, feeling and emoting!
Looking forward to sharing and growing as a parent with all of you here!
mye-

U.S. economy...a continuous struggle

http://treniff.gaia.com — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 17:58:33 GMT

The economy here in the U.S. has been bad for quite some time. The unemployment rate continues to grow and prices keep going up. Struggles to raise our children increase as we continue to lose jobs and pay high prices.

Some things we have been doing at my house to cut down on our spending are:

We haven't been on a vacation in a year and half. Traveling is just too expensive for a family especially with high gas prices. We still do special things as a family, but more along the lines of a local day trip or just having a picnic and camp out in the back yard...the kids love it and it saves us money.

Instead of toys, games, books, or clothes for gifts (especially at children's Birthday parties which my kids seem to be invited to all the time) we buy or make simpler gifts. I took pictures of my daughter and some of her friends on her school field trip and at her preschool graduation. Putting those pictures on a CD and sharing them with a friend makes a great gift and keepsake. You can even make a slide show on a blank DVD and add special effects and music.

How does your family save? Share your ideas to help others out.

kids raise money for American Cancer Society

http://treniff.gaia.com — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 04:12:36 GMT

I'm a team captain for our local Relay For Life. This year's relay went well overall. However, I ended up with a bad case of acute bronchitis which took two antibiotics to get rid of. My own team didn't do so well at the relay. One team mate had gone home because her son was sick and I had lost my voice completely by 2:30 in the morning (was in the ER by Sunday night).

They always hold the deadline date for turning in your money open for about a month after the relay. I'm still on meds for the bronchitis but feeling a lot better.

I was thinking what I could I do to make up for the lack of funds from our team at the relay this year? Sunday, I took some gift baskets to our local flea market and we sold raffle tickets to bring in some extra funds at the last minute. I had sold by myself the first hour and a half while my kids went shopping with the spending money I gave them.

When they came back, my 12 year old insisted that she take over while I go look at a booth that had scrap booking supplies. She gave me directions to the booth. While I was gone she coached my 5 year old in how to sell raffle tickets. When I came back 20 minutes later she had sold $90 worth of tickets in 20 minutes! A lot more than I had sold in an hour and a half! I couldn't believe it! She would ask people "Would you like to buy a raffle ticket for the American Cancer Society?" (Quite a mouthful for a 5 year old, but she had it down). They all thought she was so cute they couldn't bring themselves to tell her no. She told me, "Mommy, you just sit down over there and let me and Cori do this by ourselves. We'll call you if we need help." How could I argue with that? They were obviously doing a wonderful job without any help from me.

Re: Let your child be your guide

http://treniff.gaia.com — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 04:43:37 GMT

Definitely. They watch your every move and imitate exactly what they see and hear...both good and bad. If you can maximize the good and minimize the bad, your children will thrive and grow into wonderful adults. It may not be easy, but well worth while in the long run.

Re: Let your child be your guide

http://vi-pak.gaia.com — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 00:10:09 GMT

Children are a great reflection of how you live your life. Usually a child is mirroring exactly how you are acting, because they watch and learn everything from you and other grown-ups around them. One of my mentors says that the best thing you can do is be a "role model". Not only to your children but also to your friends and community.

My three children are definitely my hardest teachers. They never let me forget what I am teaching them and learning patience in large doses.

Josh

Re: Need Some Perspective: When a parent and teacher see differen

http://corinac.gaia.com — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 11:50:00 GMT

Oh my! I can't believe these things happen. Sometimes I think I live in a closet. I homeschool my children, but still...I thought we were a little more advanced now a days and understood about learning styles/timelines/self-esteem, etc. etc.

This is very sad. When will the "system" realize that people are all individuals? I have 6 children all raised the same by me and NOT ONE is like any other. They all learn different, behave different, have different temperments, etc.

I am so glad I have the opportunity to homeschool my children. I couldn't imagine having to deal with the school system. People always ask me how I can handle all the "work" of homeschooling. I always tell them it's way easier than if the kids went to school, and this is one of the reasons why!

Corina

Re: Need Some Perspective: When a parent and teacher see differen

http://treniff.gaia.com — Wed, 27 May 2009 15:47:41 GMT

I have had many issues with the school district we are in, too, but not with this particular thing. I have never heard of this kind of reward system before. Where we are, the teachers might say something like all the classes are competing and the class who has the most children with all their trophies at the end of the year could have a party, or maybe they are awarded bonus bucks for each goal they meet and can spend them at the end of a year in an auction. Another time it was if every kid in the class reached the same goal by a certain date they would get a party, but if any one didn't make it, the whole class lost out on the party together. The latter being a way to get those who are good at something to be willing to help others to master the skills as well. Maybe these things would make good suggestions. (the auctions at the end of the year are from donations parents make to the class room maybe bubbles, used books or toys, candy bars, etc.)

Re: Hello fellow parents

http://treniff.gaia.com — Mon, 11 May 2009 13:38:02 GMT

Hello. My name is Tammy. I am a Mom of three girls ages 14, 12, and 5. I also have worked in the day care field for many years. I have trouble leaving my kids with other people as well. My oldest was molested at age 3 so I have a big problem with trusting other people with my children.
I do know from experience that most kids when they cry like that, they really do calm down and have a good day once the parent is out of sight for a few minutes. They try to make you feel guilty for leaving them to get you to change your mind. Once you are gone there is no reason to continue because you as the parent proved that you aren't going to fall for it. It's a rare occasion that a child continues to cry and has a miserable day after the parent leaves. Therefore, if you make the drop off quick and leave right away, it gets the crying done and over with faster and the child is happy much sooner. The more worked up you let them get, the longer it takes for them to calm down when you leave.
I took all three of my kids to a preschool at the age of 3. My first had no problems and just said "ok, you can leave now" like she couldn't get me to go away fast enough. The 2nd one started right out a cryer. She would beg me to let her stay home with me. Knowing from experience how so many children I took care of stopped right away when their parents left I decided that would be the best thing to just quickly walk away once I told her I was leaving. It was very difficult to do and so much different when it is your own child and you are the one they are laying the guilt trip on, but I did it anyway. There was a window in the door. I waited about 4 minutes and then went back to peak in the window. She was playing happy as could be with play dough at a table.
If you are really worried or concerned about your child it is perfectly ok to go back unexpectedly to check on how things are one day to make sure they really do stop crying and that nothing inappropriate is happening at the school. Better to be safe if you have a bad feeling about something.
My youngest daughter started out school being just fine like my oldest was. Then as a four year old 2/3 of the way through the school year, she suddenly didn't want to go to school any more and started not only crying, but pretending to be sick. That's most normally s sign that something is wrong at school. For a child to enjoy it so much then suddenly hate it is something to be concerned about. They may have had a bad experience at school or on the bus. Could be something bad happened with another student, a teacher, or a bus driver. I was really worried when she started this. After a few meetings with her teacher and many talks with my daughter we discovered that she was just really bored and everything at home was more fun. Why leave the fun to go be bored. She is really advanced for her age and hasn't learned anything new at school. She was just excited about enjoying the socialization before and now it's gotten old.
I have two brothers who live in Arizona. We all grew up in western NY. They had many health problems when the first year they moved. Your body takes time to readjust to new climates. They had to be extra careful to drink lots of water. They weren't use to the heat and it's very easy to get dehydrated without even knowing it there. They also said they had to buy Vaseline and put a little in each nostril with a Q-tip just before bed each night because the dryer air gave them sinus trouble and they also had a lot of bad nose bleeds from it. The Vaseline helps keeps the nasal passage moist while you sleep to help prevent some of these problems.
Hope some of this helps.
Tammy

raising respectful christian children in a disrespectful world

http://treniff.gaia.com — Mon, 11 May 2009 12:57:13 GMT

Hello. I am a Mom of three girls ages 14, 12, and 5. The school systems and communities in today's world are a pretty scary place to be raising children if you ask me.

If we go to a local park, the children must keep their shoes on at all times no matter how hot the weather. There are hypodermic needles and used condoms all over the ground.

One boy at age 9 trashed a whole classroom; the teacher's desk, smashed computers, broke student's desks in half, etc. Two teachers and a principal could not stop him so they called the police and everyone watched him continue to trash the classroom until a policeman came to take him away. They did remove the other students from the classroom right away so they wouldn't get hurt, but they sat in the hallway where they could still hear and see all the commotion. How can 3 adults not be able to stop a 9 year old and everything get so out of control for so long? I know you can't spank them, but what about gently holding him still to prevent damage or injury to the child until a parent or police officer arrive or until the child calms down?

At age 11 my daughter's started coming home from school telling me who is sleeping with who, who does what kind of drugs, who is straight, gay, or bisexual. They knew what kind of drugs you can buy from a person who has just the left pant leg rolled up or just the right pant leg rolled up. They know who'll sleep with anyone if they have a pair of shoes tossed over the telephone wires near their house.

I do allow my children to go to public school as scary as it's become. I teach them old fashioned discipline and respect at home. I know from their reactions to their peers via our discussions we've had at home that they think that most of what they hear and see going around their schools is disgusting to them and that I can still trust them at this point to be their own person and make the right choices away from my supervision. I can only hope and pray that they will continue to be this way as they grow older...so far so good.

The new way of raising children in today's society is definitely making our communities and schools unsafe as time goes on. I believe the only solution for this problem is to go back to more old fashioned morals and values when raising children.

Re: Heathcote Community seeks Families

http://ymv198.gaia.com — Mon, 04 May 2009 03:10:59 GMT

I am new to Gaia, I'm a single mother of a beautiful 4 month old...I was interested in the community cooperative living.......eventually love to be part of a community like this....for now I live in Florida...please keep me posted...I'd love to hear from you..

Hello fellow parents

http://chronicallyhealthy.gaia.com — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 21:35:06 GMT

HI Everyone
My name is Dawn and I have two "spirited" boys that just give me life. I cannot tell you how many times they have given me the inspiration to "go on". I know there are other parents out there that would like to talk about raising children from a child centered perspective or perhaps an attachment parenting perspective.
I would love to talk with you! Let's see, my most recent and probably the greatest challenge with my boys has been leaving them with other people. We decided to start some preschool with our 3 year old this week, and I guess the normal thing to do is run out the door while someone holds your screaming, frightened child. This is really difficult for me, even though he does calm down and enjoy it after a few minutes, so they tell me.
I really like to celebrate the seasons with my family, and we recently moved to Arizona, so our seasons are little different here than most of the country. So, I am trying to figure out how to adapt to the changes that happen here. Any suggestions?
Talk soon,
Dawn

Re: Need Some Perspective: When a parent and teacher see differen

http://vi-pak.gaia.com — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 22:49:59 GMT

Jena,

Believe it or not that kind of stuff is how they are shown in school to deal with children. School teaches kids how to be good workers and followers. Not true thinkers and expressions of their highest potential.

We recently had a similar type of action at our school. While being Lake Tahoe Environmental Magnet School, their main focus is test scores and governmental funding. Our child got denied a party because two our her classmates were being loud in class.

I would talk to the teacher and tell her your concern. If it happens again talk to the principal. I know that it is hard, especially if it is a good school. The options are definitely limited.

When your son masters the tasks take him out to his favorite place and celebrate.

I do feel your pain, and let me know what you learn.

Josh

Need Some Perspective: When a parent and teacher see differently.

http://jena.gaia.com — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 02:07:28 GMT

Please forgive my venting. I just feel the need to deal with this and perhaps gain some new perspective. I have a son who is in kindergarten at a Core Knowledge Charter School. For a while, they have been given paper "trophies" when they reached mastery of certain skills i.e. learning addresses, birthday, phone number, zipper, coins, tying shoes..etc. I am fine with this system. However, my sons teacher sent home a note yesterday explaining that all children had 2 days to master all ten skills, or they would not be able to participate in a class pizza party and would have to find other lunch arrangements.

I have issue with this. I don't know where to begin. I feel that excluding children who try but may not succeed by a timeline from socializing with friends and playmates is a wrong reward system.

My son has mastered all but two. He has issues tying his shoes (but tries) and gets confused with coin recognition. Because of this, he may not be able to hang out with friends at a pizza party. He is sensitive and knows when he is being excluded. Is this the right message to send to a kindergartener?

AM I just whining? Do I force my son to get it in two days and make him feel worse when he does not? or does? Is using food in rewards system ethically responsible?

Well, I handed in money for the pizza party and wrote a note to the teacher explaining how I did not feel this type of a reward system was right as it might send the wrong message. I did not believe in exluding those who try but may not succeed. My son came home and told me she talked with the whole class about how those children who did not master all skills by her timeline were not deserving of attending the party. I am troubled. I am not a parent who thinks her child does no wrong; I am just a parent who believes things like tying shoes and coin recognition will come in its own time. I am a parent who does not want to see my child become sad and frustrated when he cannot be with his friends during a social time because of something he may just not be able to get.

I am very sad. I want to address this issue, but I want to make sure I am being rational and logical. However, I feel I have to go with my gut in this...I know there is more than just my son struggling with this and to feel their dissappointement will break my heart.

I need to know I am not taking this too personally. Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation would be greatly appreciated.

- A sad and frustrated parent of a child who embarks upon the worlds teachings in his own time.

Re: anarchistic parenting

http://inducingconsciousness.gaia.com — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 20:27:19 GMT

What a wonderful concept, to be a loving guiding force without being authoritarian, controlling or intrusive. Something to aspire to... I home-school, so I don't have a lot of authority breathing down my neck. I just have to be mindful about me being that authority breathing down my children's necks!

Cool link thank you. And thanks for taking the time to answer me. I appreciate it!

Across the globe in North Carolina,

Nicola

Re: anarchistic parenting

http://capreycorn.gaia.com — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 19:35:38 GMT

maybe i should have used the correct term "anarchy parenting"...anyhow....in short the idea of anarchy parenting is to let children grow up without us parents being authoritarian, controlling or intrusive....this doesn`t mean we shouldn`t drag the kid away from the plug when it`s about get electrocuted....
anarchy parenting is about tolerance and acceptance ..if the young kid likes to play a lot with its genitals, then we shouldn`t try to convince the kid that it`s a dirty thing to do..........because that is detrimental to its psyche....this is just one example...the list is long.....
now the trouble is that people will hate you for your "anarchy parenting" .. most of us got the "old school" watching....be it neighbors,kindergarden teachers,our parents and parents in law....a lot of them will be against anarchy parenting
.......or you can call it positive parenting.....
....as for me..i can`t push through with it... the people around me are giving me a headache telling me that what i think is ok, is actually very bad and wrong because in the old days it was done the other way and that worked.....so the traditional way is the one and only correct way of parenting....... "and if you`re not with us , then you`re against us"....some of them "old school" thinkers around you can make your life miserable......that`s the thing.....hhmmhh..

if you`re interested in what i am trying to push through with......check out this interesting link .

http://www.spaceandmotion.com/health/positive-parenting.htm

cheers. ;-)