What Blaming Does

I sat down and asked him, “What is so funny?” He said, “I’m not laughing.” So I asked, “What are you so happy about?” He said, “I’m not happy.” I said, “I know, I’ve noticed. Do you want to talk about it?” He said no at first and then said, “Yeah, you want to hear?” I said, “Yes, maybe I can help you.” And he started to say what was bothering him was a story a friend told him and ever since he had been bothered with it, that he can’t let go of it and it really hurts him. He has a friend who was in the Vietnam War and his friend told him he had to kill men and women and said it didn’t bother him. But what was bothering him that he couldn’t live with was that he was ordered to tie children’s hands behind their back and then throw them from the chopper while in the air. As soon as he said that I was affected, and I said, “You know better than to say something like that to me,” and I turned my head down and started weeping. I sat there and I said, “It was not the man’s fault because he was taking orders, and it wasn’t the commanding officer’s fault because he was also taking orders, or he was taught this, and it was not the children’s fault because their father taught them and it was not their father’s fault because he was taught also.” I believe by me not blaming anyone for what had happened that I was able to take this from my friend and I was able to let it go, and I started feeling good again and my friend looked at me and had a big smile and laughed and said, “Gee, Don, I feel good,” then he thanked me for helping him. This was a lesson for me to learn about ‘not to blame.’ This was a lesson for us both to learn. He thought I had helped him. Well, by me wanting to reach out and help somebody else, I learned and helped myself. I learned how I could. help others and myself by not blaming anyone for anything.
If people will learn to see good, or God, in everything, then they can feel good or feel whole. My friend may not have learned anything from this except that I helped him. I have learned that in life we only see the part we want to see. Now in this experience where I reach out to help someone but who was really helped? He was helped but I had a wonderful learning experience. There is no telling how many people’s lives were affected by hearing this story and blaming someone for it. I really believe that by me not blaming anyone I broke that chain! I may have released everyone even the vet. I know everyone is not ready for this but there are some that are.
Your friend , Don