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Last week, I became aware of myself “falling” in love. I was descending into a Personal level because it was shaping itself into an ideal security zone for me. As I became aware of this sensation of falling, I also realized that I was falling into an equally powerful threat zone. That this place was totally conditioned. And that eventually, sooner or later, the winds would change and I would feel threatened. I marvelled at this - sensing the temporariness of it all. And I felt compassion for myself. And my lover.
So, last night, that crash came and I felt the anticipated threat. But I didn't feel completely threatened like I have previously during such Personal events. I could almost sense an orgiastic pleasure - not perverse pleasure, but rather a sharp spike of compassion energized by the sense of tragedy - and this compassion felt extremely good.
As I ponder this, I am reminded of a question that my current lover asked of me the other night, mid-session: “What does it feel like? Does it tickle?” I couldn't find words. I could only shake my head and continue to gasp. Then when I asked him the same question, he could only manage: “Good!” LOL
Could I have really grokked the compassionate impulse of True Non-duality before I had experienced it if someone had merely described it to me? I don't think so. Not in the way I've heard it described so many times, at any rate. It's usually couched in very archaic and moralistic terms that shame me for “attatchment” and belief in “illusion”. I experience those terms to be very anti-female.
Last night, as I watched the Grammies, I marvelled at Shakira's wonderful art. Not just her music, or just her dancing - but her frenzied, physical drive to simply give something beautiful to the eye - to the awareness. All of awareness. Unlike some other hip-hop work, she doesn't seem to be too distracted by the impulse to entrap. Just to enjoy.
Can't it all be like that? Can't we just enjoy this? Must we constantly be made to feel ashamed for “falling for the lie” or becoming a “slave” or some other such polemic?
How does this strike anyone?
~Ww
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