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BTW these instincts fall very much in line with the idea of courtly love. I guess there is an idea that courtly love is a style of relating that is artificial and pasted on over top of whatever else is there… hmmm
My first marriage began when I was 22, she was only 2 weeks before turning 20. Neither of us had a clue. Our first child was born about 1 1/2 years later. I remember searching for books that would give me a clue about being a good husband and father… had no experience of seeing a good relationship to model my behavior on… We had our own business and worked together daily… much like we did at the end of our marriage, actually…
By the early 90’s books were hitting the shelves that were actually useful (to me at least) and after (and towards the end of) that marriage I took responsibility, studied up, made and kept resolutions… though I know it’s not for everyone the book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” was the single book that most helped me to get clued in.
So, are is my current style ‘pasted on’ ? I think the old style was pretty well scoured away and what I feel as the instinctual style (because I allow it to surface from a grounded place deep within) has grown up in it’s place with some mindful tending on my part. The old dysfunction style had to be scrubbed away first, though.
Kenneth
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