Gaia Community

Additional Contexts for Transpersonal Love

Whitewave said Dec 20, 2006, 10:52 PM:

I realize that this may just be the Impersonal, but it seemed to convey more than what I would consider merely Impersonal. It also contained a deep respect and honor for the Personal that I think moves it into the Transpersonal.

I just got back from a business trip to LA and I noticed something inneresting. Within 10 minutes of leaving my front door, I started to feel very differently. My heart opened and I started to feel a powerful and steady surge of … affection? … love? … something for everyone in general. I had to mentally pinch myself from time to time to remind myself there were people out there who could and would hurt me if they had the chance, but it didn't really diminish the feeling. I went from the Airport Shuttle to the Airport to the Plane and then to another Shuttle and by the time I reached the Hotel, I was in love… with everyone. It perfectly cast out fear so that I walked all around downtown LA, in the dark, alone, for over an hour before retiring to my room. People were friendly to me - people of every color, shape and size. I couldn't stop smiling, my heart couldn't stop giving gifts whenever my mind could think of a way. I was Blissing.

Travel. It releases me from the bonds of the Personal so that my Heart can float freely about 4 feet off the ground and spread an even layer of Love over the entire planet. Amazing! And as I think about it more and more, I realize that I've felt this while travelling all my life - even as a child.

And what about other contexts?

How about the Internet?

Work?

Artistic or Musical Performance? I remember reading a rare interview with Michael Jackson (back in the 80's before the shit hit the fan and his face was destroyed) and he was asked what he felt when he was up on stage in front of all those adoring fans. His answer conveyed a strange extra weight that communicated infinitely more than the simple, single word, “Love.”

How about Parenting? I remember watching a TV special about this one Mormon family who just kept having kids and the Mom, when asked if she thought maybe she had too many, answered, “Having too many children is like having too many flowers.” She was just oozing Love and affection and bliss. I can't relate to that, but I'm sure some people can.

How about the Healing professions?

Teaching?

Holidays?

What else suspends us just enough to get that feeling? Or do you experience or interpret it another way?

~Ww

Show Replies

Re: Additional Contexts for Transpersonal Love

Whitewave said Jan 3, 2007, 12:34 AM:

I just read something really inneresting the other day. A new word has entered my vocabulary:

Compersion

After I learned what it meant, I realized that I've felt this many, many times throughout my life - even as a child - and didn't know what it was. There are times when I don't feel this way too. I've had men “cheat” on me and lie, and have been hurt to seemingly infinite degrees. There seems to be a difference when the other love is out in the open and talked about freely from the start.

My previous b/f has an ex-g/f who he still loves and frets over and he was up front about her from day #1. I've never felt jealous of her. In fact, it feels as tho she is a member of the family and I have grown considerable love and concern for her myself. But the stuff he hid from me was different: the “escorts” in Vegas, the porn girls, the profiles he peruses on dating sites and Craig's list … all that hiding showed a total lack of respect towards me. Not the multiple loves or lusts or wandering eyes. The secret keeping robs me of enough information to make good choices for my life. It's theft. That is a total violation of love even while his mouth formed the words “I love you.” every day.

Plus there's the problem of porn packaging women as “Sluts” and “Whores” just because they have a strong sex drive, and therby reinforcing his double standard and hypocrisy - but that's a whole other issue.

Once in a while, when we would come close to breaking up, I would tell him to go fuck a bunch of women or girls and have at it - not out of spite, but just to stop compromising himself by denying who and what he really is. He resented me for this. It was he who really didn't respect the impulse to have multiple sex-partners, not me. When I thought of him finding pleasure in being with various other women, I would have to resist the urge to smile uncontrollably. Not because I was having some viscious little torture session, but because I was so happy at the thought that he might finally express his impulses freely and feel unashamed. But this was far from his reality. It is unlikely that he will overcome the shame. He couldn't understand why I'm okay with it, and still can't. It hurts him to the core.

One of the most memorable times I've felt this was not in the context of a sexual relationship at all. It was when I gave up my first child for adoption. When I learned that adoption was no longer the closed and shame-filled covert operation it once was, I realized that this would be one of the hugest opportunities to give a gift of love that I would ever have come my way - both to the child as well as the new parents. It would be a 3-way win situation with a fulfillment rating of 20 on a scale of 1-10. I made this decision on my own, while under alot of pressure to abort. As the time came closer and closer I felt more and more love welling up inside of me, and a sense of expectation that probably only compared to what it must be like to be Santa Claus on Christmas Eve night - knowing you're about to give millions and billions of children what their hearts desire all within one 8-hour period. More happiness than could be measured on a richter scale. Too much to comprehend. It was the most humbling experience I've ever had in my life.

Handing the Child over to these parents was my #1 most Godlike moment and I cried because I felt my small self temporarilly broken off and floating helpless away from me like a child who lets go of Mommy's hand and gets lost in a crowd. I couldn't believe how much power and love the human body could conduct without shorting out.

When it was finally done, I went to one support meeting for women who had given up their children so that I could talk about the wonderfulness. Big mistake! These women were suffering terribly and would only heal with time and eventually by having children of their own to keep when the time was right. I had been on Cloud Nine. And they rejected me and were very cold and wouldn't look me in the eye or respond to me. I felt so ashamed and had no where to take my true feelings about the experience. There were no catagories.

Now I have a new catagory to put that in. I feel redeemed.

This catagory emerged out of the polyamory community, and couldn't have without it's existence and protected space. I am very grateful. There are many other great gifts which came out of that lifestyle as well which I really appreciate and would love to see integrated in to a new model of marriage that holds and protects a larger space which will accomodate more of the actual experiences of life.

Blessings and Love to all.

~Ww