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Excellent metaphor, kissing!
I experience curiosity for knowledge and understanding as a function of “Hunger”. And I was just reading today about what “prehension” is. There seems to be some disagreement, but according to Wilber it preceeds sensory input. It seems to me that even single-celled organisms and plants have prehension because they can detect something good and draw near to it or draw it near to them. This seems to be the lowest common definition.
Kissing is like the urge to merge, expressed as affection - either sexually or familially or in a friendly way. It is an external expression of an internal reality that is built into the very cells of our bodies. The Maori and Eskimos rub noses.
Worship is said to be “kissing towards”.
Yes, it seems that a man is more likely to want to know what external thing they have or do that attracts the woman. Women understand that men want the externals from them, but tend to want to embrace more internally. Since the internal is invisible, it's easy to fake. A woman will draw near to an internal good, even if it's a lie, and her externals are harvested. Men who are ready to look at and value internals are difficult to find, but it may also be that they don't understand internals yet.
All this is dangerous to talk about because they are generalizations - as the title of this thread suggests - but I think we should be able to ask the questions. In truth, both men and women may not percieve the invisible internals yet, and this is a developmental stage event. But it is also a state event. The cues we need to detect goodness are stored at the sub-conscious level. It is even instinctual. Men tend to be more aware of the instinctual, women less so. Women tend to intentionally trade more in concrete concepts. I think this is why women prefer to avoid physical combat. Internals seem to be more opaque to men, externals opaque to women.
Anyway… as a woman, my thought on your question would be this: a woman may prefer to know your internal workings first, and then she assumes that the external stuff will just sort of take care of itself. This may be a bad assumption, but it is one that a woman will tend to make. Now that I look back at my marriage, I see clearly that my husband wanted to get our external stuff nailed down and then he assumed that the internals would take care of themselves. Yeah, that ended badly.
Blessings to you.
~Ww
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