Gaia: Vibrant Living In The Tribe of Yes - Conversations - The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://siona.gaia.com — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 17:59:37 GMT

This thread I still love to visit. Such beauty here. And firefly... I hope you're well.

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://kasey.gaia.com — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 00:35:09 GMT

Hi, Kate. So sorry to hear of your loss. I've had a recent loss, too. Though not romantic, it cut me to the quick. I've dealt with it a number of ways. I've made space for my constantly changing emotions and given myself leeway to experience them as they arise. I went on a trip to reset and take time away from my regular life to grieve. I fasted. On New Year's Eve, I did a ritual burning of the tangible things associated with the experience. But, time, patience, lots of love from friends and family, and strengthening my yoga and meditation practices were what helped me the most.

As far as the shape of my heart, I find it to be more resiliant than I thought. So, while not knowing the exact topography of it, I do know that it is not in tatters or bruised to the point of liquefication.

My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://soulshaping.gaia.com — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 20:55:46 GMT

Hi Kate. After heartbreak, I used to contract until the first tremors of awakening, often years later. Now, i try to go deep into the wound, honest and true, until it is done with me. Repressed emotions are unactualized spiritual lessons. If I don't feel it, I can't learn the lesson waiting on the other side.

I have a chapter about a profound soul connection I experienced- an uncommon bond- in a book just published called soulshaping (.com). It is about my warrior souls efforts to surrender. I think it might resonate for you. I might post some free excerpts on Zaadz when I learn how to work with the system.

How are you doing? Hows your heart?

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://pyrite.gaia.com — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 16:27:59 GMT

Quoted from a Good Friday Homily from The Vatican

"Our civilization, dominated by technology, has need of a heart-
if man is to be able to survive without dehumanizing everything.

We must give more space to the reasons of the heart..., if we wish to avoid,
while physically overheating our planet..,
falling back into a spiritual ice age.

The technical has been well heard.
We have many things which fasciliatate the development,
and measurement of the capicities for intellegence.

But no similar effective scientific developments,
or measurements for the capacity to love.

This seems to count for nothing.

Whilst we know that happiness or unhappiness
does not depend on
understanding,
or not understanding.

As much as
to love or not to love.
To be loved or not to be loved.

The motive of all this is simple.
We are made in the image of God,
& God is love.

It's not difficult to understand why we are so anxious to grow in our understanding,
and so little concern to grow in our capicity to love.

Understanding translates itself automatically
into
enabling.

Love..
into
service.

One of the modern idolitries
is the idolitry of the IQ.

Of the
'Intellegence Quotient."

There are numerous methods put in place for measuring this.

But
who is concerned with measuring the quotient of the heart?

Yet,
it is only Love that redeems & saves.

While science & understanding ALONE
are able to carry us to damnation.

All the books in the world
do not deserve
a caress.

First, above all.., St Paul wrote:
"Knowledge Inflates. Love Builds Up. "

Finally
an opening for humanity..

The Era..
of the Heart. "

-P.Raniero Cantalamessa OFM

Kate.., =)
Hi..
I don't know if this is the right place to post this.., but I just think this is really cool.

Peace stuf..,
-Nancy

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 20:19:17 GMT

Hi Kate, You will always love, what is the alternative? Our hearts are always just as they should be, pain and all - nothing is broken. You can never lose what you never owned - so what is loss? Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart. As for romance, it spoils as soon as we try to make it last forever. We all are with you, each in our own special way. To know this is to never be alone. Take care my friend, time will take it's course as always. Jim

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://singerseeker.gaia.com — Fri, 29 Sep 2006 08:58:37 GMT

A positive spin on heartbreak - when my heart is broken open, I become more compassionate toward others. I shed my complacency and arrogance and am vulnerable, living the questions. I am open to newness - a new spiritual and emotional direction, a new person in my life at the right time, a new understanding of who I am and a chance to deepen my relationship with myself and with God, which I can so easily involve in the frenzy of being in love with another.

Last night I lived a small but emotionally significant disappointment. I had been looking forward, more than I had realized, for a week to talking once again (albeit on the phone) to a friend I met for the first time in July and haven't seen since. The number I had was no good and none of the attempts I made to get a correct number succeeded. I crawled home, crawled into bed, and curled up in my ball of pain. However, I was not needy as I usually am at these times. I did not demand that my partner, who was not feeling well, comfort me. I just allowed the pain to be there, and fell asleep, and when I awoke, was calm and not in pain.

So some progress is being made, glory be.

The shape of my heart is a song, ever-changing in colour, form and light.

Namaste,

Nicole

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 17:40:38 GMT

Here is my sad song on love's oppressions:

PETE TOWNSHEND THERE'S A HEARTACHE FOLLOWING ME LYRICS

Sometimes they ask me if I'm really happy now.
I say sure, I never loved her anyhow.
But inside I long for you and the way it used to be,
I look around, and there's a heartache following me.

I always say that I'm really glad you're gone.
I even act like I never cared at all.
But your memory lingers on and I'm never really free,
I look around and there's a heartache following me.

I pawned my ring and every thing that tied me to the past.
I say I never loved you, never meant for it to last.
But I know it's just a game, and the losers always me
I look around, and there's a heartache following me.

Sometimes they ask me if I'm really happy now.
I say sure, I never loved her anyhow.
But inside I long for you and the way it used to be,
I look around, and there's a heartache following me.
I look around, and there's a heartache following me.

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://imthe1.gaia.com — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 17:35:18 GMT

How have you coped with heartbreak?

I cope with heartbreak everyday. The woman of my dreams is like a beautiful lioness...best enjoyed and admired at a distance.

In 1972 Dan Fogelberg summed it up best for me:

The woman is like the tide, she comes and goes

She breaks my heart each day and never knows.

And the time I spend in sorrow will match the time she laughs

And the songs I sing cannot explain even half.

The woman is like an ivy on a pole

She wraps her twisted love around my soul

And the time I spend in sorrow will match the time I live

And the time that's left is all I have to give.

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 13:53:35 GMT

Just noticed this today... hence my 'months later'. I am sorry for what you are going through and am experiencing a separation of my own at this moment. How have you coped with heartbreak? Heartbreak like many other possibly painful things is about learning. I have learned to examine the heartbreak in order to grow from it. What do you believe about romantic love? I believe romatic love is that period of time when the relationship is new. The period of time when you cannot stand to be apart.. I am awaiting that relationship where it lasts for far beyond the newness. What shape is your heart in? An arrow. Looking forward to new and wonderful experiences. How does it feel to you now, in this moment? Hopeful. Sometimes we must move on to ensure growth.

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://theredskirt.gaia.com — Fri, 22 Sep 2006 02:47:19 GMT

How have you coped with heartbreak?

Cried really hard, wrote many journal entries, made an alter of sorts to honor what was no longer.....gave it a space in my heart to be imperfect and perfect both at the same time.

What do you believe about romantic love?

I believe romance, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. To me romance is in the small things, the details of every day living. Thoughtfulness is super romantic to me. It is very much alive in my house.

What shape is your heart in?

Very toned and well used. My heart is very much MINE, and yet also, like a museum in which people can wander freely learning much about me without disrupting a thing. I am very open and give of myself freely, but I also feel very loved so maybe that is why?

How does it feel to you now, in this moment?

My heart feels big and growing.

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://lovejasmine.gaia.com — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:41:47 GMT

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://monkeys.gaia.com — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 12:10:06 GMT

how have you coped with heartbreak?

I have had many experiences where i have known the relationships were not going to work and having to break up with the people, having learnt hard lessons from them. A few years ago, i broke up with a man that i still love dearly, although the love i feel now, is a purer love because it is filled with gratitude for what he taught me. at the time, i thought i would never love again, my world was turned upside down. since then, i have read, learnt and grown some more - thankfully ~~

What do you believe about romantic love?

i believe its an illusion - it swallows us up, teaches us what we are JUST DYING to know and then spits us out. its all beautiful.
i had a falling in love stint a few months ago, only to be dumped two weeks later and i immediately saw why: i was willing to compromise on something that would not have been true to myself. so he did me a favour - with this one, i wasn't heart broken because i could (Halleluljah) see that he helped me. ~angel~

What shape is your heart in?
it is whole, it is beautiful and it is filling with more love and gratitude everyday!

:))

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://sass.gaia.com — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 07:43:33 GMT

I am glad this thread has reopened. I have been wanting to write. Wanting to return in kind some of the balm that I find in Kate’s words, to thank her for the sustenance of the deep and beautiful honesty of her words. To thank you for asking what the shape of our hearts is. And I have wanted to respond to Siona’s amazingly strong story.. and was glad to return and read it now, when I have cradle a fresh wound ... the time is ripe.

how have you coped with heartbreak?

My heart was broken deeply open recently. Open enough that it felt like the capricious strike of a Dakini, with the call to wake up .. now! Open enough that I was able to look back at myself, deeply... to look at my patterns, to learn about myself.

How have I been coping? By breathing and walking, by writing, by lying in the sun, by cycling and doing yoga, by reading, by recognising the strange and wonderful ways that my friends nurture me and yes, by giving up, by returning again and again to surrender to the gift of it.. . . I have been coping by shifting my perspective; by really remembering what and where my power genuinely is: in my path, in my centredness in myself... and returning there. By giving thanks.

What do you believe about romantic love?

I believe in it. I believe in love enough to have chosen to wait, enough to have left a decent-enough relationship to wait until the real thing came along. I believe in it enough not to go looking for it. I believe in it enough to prepare myself, to ripen up, for it.

What shape is your heart in?

I think its good. Not all the time: when the cup tilts to half empty and the cycles of self doubt and aloneness move in. Times when I forget my Self and have to be reminded to forget my self! But all in all, in the great round, I think it is all good.

When I asked myself what is the shape of my heart ? I remembered a dream I had the other night:

I found a small kitten caught in a wire fence and helped it out. There were other very large cats, strays in makeshift homes along the river nearby. It had a collar saying that it had been won in a competition and I wondered if it had been dumped or had run away. . I carried the small cat on my chest worried that it might piss on me.We went into a market and I found a perfect little basket to carry it in. Then I realised that I didn’t really know what it looked like, looking down it was perfect: pure white with luminous green eyes, looking out in amazement, taking the world in.

I think this is the shape of my heart.

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://beginnersmind.gaia.com — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 15:17:49 GMT

From far, far (too far for my wishes) away I observed Siona's experience with breakup, through her public descriptions and through private communications. Knowing a little about her physical and mental conditions (a little, mind you), what amazed me what how, though she was hurt, and hurt bad, and in an almost inhuman way, she still had the inner strength to continue on her road to recovery. Indeed, it was clear that she was no longer on the road to recovery, but was, herself, recovery incarnate. It was one of the most noble and spectacular expressions of the human spirit I have ever witnessed, and, indeed, has been an inspiration to me ever since. No matter how rough the seas get, determination, and knowing, loving, and respecting yourself is an anchor that cannot be dislodged. To know, "this is just a breakup, not a mortal wound" is a most comforting thought. You've been in the sun, you know it will shine again and you know how it will feel. Just knowing that makes a break in the clouds.

I might add that mine was amongst the many who raked Siona's mate over the coals. I'm sure I called him a worthless, heartless scoundrel, or words to that affect. Turns out he was just confused, and I had him all wrong. As much as I hate being wrong, I'm glad I was this time.

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

Thu, 18 May 2006 16:38:09 GMT

Wow, that's a mighty big topic with a lot of good, thoughtful responses so far. Here's some of what I think to throw in the mix...

How have you coped with heartbreak?

Hmmm, not very well in the past. Of course, the last time I was going through heartbreak I was also losing my home and (briefly) living on the streets. This made it a rather depressing time, but at least when one thing got too depressing I could focus on a different problem as a distraction.

I think perhaps the most important thing in dealing with heartbreak, for me, is to move into the feeling and let it move through me. It hurts a lot more than trying to repress or hold on, but it will process more quickly and more completely. It's like poison ivy: if you immerse the itchy part in hot water, the itching will get much more intense, but it will also work out of your system more quickly.

What do you believe about romantic love?

I love it. Romantic love is the ultimate embodied expression of the oneness of all being, as experienced through all levels and cells of two (or more) finite bodyminds.

What shape is your heart in? How does it feel to you now, in this moment?

Right now: strong, compassionate, beating vigorously, like love is not only something that finds you, but an action the heart can take in any circumstance.

Strangely, I always seem to find love soon after I give up on ever finding it, almost as if the holding onto the desire for love blocks the new roads that a new love must take.

My heart and best wishes go out to you as you go through this. May you find the love that your warm, open heart deserves.

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://siona.gaia.com — Wed, 17 May 2006 18:29:30 GMT

I'll go.

How have you coped with heartbreak?

A about a year and a half ago, I fell in love. I'd had prior long-term, satisfying relationships, but nothing like this -- this was love at first sight for both of us, the sort of insane, over-the-top, gasping amazement in which both of you wonder how it is the other person even /exists/ in the world.

I met him at a time when I had only just begun to discover who I was. I'd spent the past few years mired in a cesspool of addiction, and battling an eating disorder that had almost killed me, and finding someone who was so willing to support me in my project of learning to love myself was wonderful. He was gentle and understanding and patient and encouraging, and I felt so unbelievably blessed. He didn't mind that I wasn't working; that merely making it through the day was an accomplishment; that my contant need for 12-step meetings and lingering skittishness about food made spending time together difficult. He cooked for me, and talked to me, and occupied all my free time, just as I occupied his. We shared the same philosophies and similarly unconventional pasts and neither one of us could believe our good forture. Two weeks after we met we both laughed at the fact that we'd independently confessed to our respective families that we'd met the person we were going to spend the rest of our lives with. I'd never wanted to get married, and hadn't even been looking for a relationship. What we had seemed merely inevitable.

Two months later, out of the blue, he broke up with me.

He was concerned about my recovery. From my point of view, I was doing fine: he hadn't known me at my sickest. Like any recovery process, mine involved better and worse weeks, and part of my process involved a certain degree of patience and acceptance with the low points. He told me that he loved me too much to watch me destroy myself and that he was worried that his unconditional supportiveness was just going to end up supporting me back down the path I'd just ascended. He didn't want to enable me and all my protests about faith in the process could have just as easily been used to justify exactly that. He couldn't see me anymore; he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he'd contributed to keeping me sick. It was over.

I was beyond devastated. It was impossible for me then to describe the pain I felt; I certainly can't do it justice now. I oscillated between crying myself raw and feeling unable to breathe; worst of all was my worry that maybe I was in denial about my recovery. This was the man I trusted most in the world: what if he was right? What if I were still lying to myself?

Strangely enough, it was this fragility that allowed me to make peace with the relationship. I had too much at stake. What we had was over, but *I* was still here, and that, for me, was saying something. I turned my attention to myself -- I HAD to believe I was okay, and I had to believe I was not going to slip back into my prior life of self-hating addiction.

And so I reminded myself that I'd entered into the relationship voluntarily, knowing full well that the nakedness and vulnerability I felt opened me to getting hurt. I took responsibility for my pain; indeed, I relished the fact that I could *experience* it in all its biting rawness, instead of trying to drown it with drinking or other forms of narcotic escapism. I also realized that the experience of feeling loved was, like the pain, similarly mine: the bliss and acceptance and glowing happiness I'd felt with him were emotions that *I'd* generated, and if I'd been able to discover them in the relationship, I could certainly bring them about on my own. I redoubled my efforts at self-valuation.

(I have to mention, too, that I was utterly convinced I'd never see this man again. I was planning on leaving the area; he too was only stopping through. We didn't have shared social circles and were both transplants to the city. Still, though I'd given up on seeing him again, I felt no need to banish him from my heart - I loved him so totally that whether or not he was with me or not seemed beside the point. I wished him well regardless.)

And so I got better. I was grateful for having experienced such a powerful, consuming love, and grateful for learning how to get in touch with that in myself, and grateful for learning how intense love could be. I was grateful knowing that someone like my former lover lived in the world, and grateful, too, for learning how to see myself through the compassionate, loving eyes with which he'd regarded me.

That breakup was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It taught me indepedence, and self-worth, and taught me how to have faith and to trust in myself. I'd say something, too, about how it finessed my recovery; I'm now truly better, now truly healed, now *recovered* whereas once I felt I'd always be somewhere on the path. The relationship was amazing, but what was more amazing was finding out that the emotions I discovered within it were *mine.*

So in short, I coped by owning the pain. Again, I recognized that it was my choice to make myself so vulnerable, that I knew the risk I was taking, and that the heartache I was experiencing was something *I* was responsible for. There's something beautiful in this realization: the depth of the pain mirrors the intensity of the love, and it's heartbreaking in itself to feel how deep the latter can be.

What do you believe about romantic love?
I believe in love at first sight. I believe that, with the right attitude, it can be an incredible, powerful, tool for growth and an incredible resource of strength and renewal.

What shape is your heart in?
My heart is completely broken and completely full. It's hard to explain. No longer being afraid of being hurt allows you to love so much more deeply; it's a sweet paradox.

How does it feel to you now, in this moment?
Full. Happy. Content. Naked.

In the interests of full disclosure, though, I should say that this story has an ending. He and I are now engaged. I don't want to write too much about this, because it's not as relevant to what you're going through, but committing to him feels so much more right because I'm not afraid of losing him. I know both of us are capable of thriving on our own.
But this is all a disgression . . . if you've read this, thanks for indulging me; if it helps at all, I'm glad. And I do so hope that you get as much from your breakup as I did mine. Be proud of all you're able to feel, though. You've got an amazing heart.

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://hipgirlz.gaia.com — Tue, 16 May 2006 22:18:07 GMT

Darling Kate,

Heartbreak is never fun, but it's a misnomer. Your heart is not breaking or broken... it's going through growing pains.

How have you coped with heartbreak?
I've given myself time to heal. I've been very, very nurturing of myself. I've treated myself like I would treat a 6 year old with a skinned knee. I've allowed myself to cry. I've treated myself to nice meals, massages, and new clothes. I've clung to friends who nourish my spirit and uplift my heart, and I've thrown myself into activities that I know give me pleasure.

What do you believe about romantic love?
I believe that it's wonderful and worthwhile and even when it kicks you in the gut sometimes, it's worth it.

What shape is your heart in? How does it feel to you now, in this moment?
Right now my heart isa round green glowing ball. It is full and in love and glowing. It's also a little scared of any growing pains, but is enjoying this feeling of love.

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://yeshe.gaia.com — Tue, 16 May 2006 20:17:56 GMT

Oh girl, I wonder if there's a single one of us who has never had at least one broken heart. It seems the heart is like the liver of Prometheus - it regenerates only to be broken again...

There are many sorts of emotional pain, and in my experience it's often avoiding the pain that makes it unbearable. When I actually stop trying to block it and instead surrender to it, my body is flooded with an extremely intense sensation which - if I dare examine it at all closely - are suspiciously akin to endorphins!!!

Heartbreak is the juiciest pain I know for the practice of tonglen: It's so tangible and immediate. I am hurting so badly, and there's nothing that will make it stop right now, so let me carry ALL the pain of the broken hearts being suffered by ALL beings in all dimensions of the universe now. And let all those suffering beings, whose pain I willingly take on, feel all the peace and joy for which I have been longing... I take on all the despair and the ache, I give away all my hopes of joy and fulfilment. Again and again. Gradually the pain subsides, even if it is only because I'm too exhausted to feel it. But having let go of my desire for fulfilment, I have released something else as well...

Kate, you are a beautiful, intelligent, magical and captivating woman - it's going to be a challenge to find a man enough to deserve you. Snuggle up warm with your pussies and be kind to yourself. You're not alone and we love you

Helen

You can't escape it...

http://macsen.gaia.com — Tue, 16 May 2006 16:20:32 GMT

YES to all LOVE! IS there any such thing as a kind of love? Like ice-cream? MMMM. What would be the love equvalent of Rocky-Road?

Re: The Heart as a Cipher, and a Map

http://alison.gaia.com — Mon, 15 May 2006 21:15:10 GMT

My last romantic relationship took so long to end it felt as if my heart was just being worn down. I am tired from it and I am doing things to strengthen my heart. Yoga, acupuncture, massage. I have also thought that I need to give blood ... give that which you wish to receive..

For a long time when I kept trying to say the words "I have to leave" there was a palbable lump in my throat. When I met this man I was sure he was the one.... there was so much that connected us. Years before I met him he was just starting out as a potter and had answered an ad in the local paper and bought all of my mom's pottery things ... her wheel (that I learned to throw on in her lap as a child), her tools, her books, her ceramic monthly magazines( with notes to me reminding me to feed the chickens or weed the garden...) He actually has turned out to be the one... the one that I learned how to leave. The one that taught me how to stand up for myself. My heart is broken and will never be the same .. but I have a very strong sense that it is going to be better!

The cure for anything is salt water --sweat, tears or the sea. ~ Isaak Dinesen

YES to romantic love !

Love, Alison