A Big, Huge Web of Interrelated, Almost-Middle-Aged Stuck

Yes, the subject line says it all. I'm trying to figure out several things at once now. What's next in this next phase of my life. Should I follow my adult-long dream of living in NYC? Is that still a dream of mine? I still and probably always will love the energy there, but housing costs are almost undoable (unless I'm lucky and/or resourceful). Should my next home be rented (if I move to NYC to get to know the area first) or bought (if I stay in the DC area)?

I'm torn b/c I really need a change, more space, a yard/greenery, new experiences, something sustaining and not just transient, a future somewhere with somebody. Yet, this is the best time to move to NYC if I'm ever going to do it due to no real ties here, some savings, no car or parents health issues to worry about, etc.

Then there's the boyfriend issue (no future–at least in the short-term–possible with him, yet a very deep soul connection), the part-time business issue (how will I find time to do this and work full-time? I'm not ready to give up the monetary security and health insureance of a ft job right now.)

I'm trying to figure out what is most important to me now and go with that, but it's hard since everything seems important. And these decisions are major and will be a turning point in my life. 

Any advice/suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Vicki : )

Re: A Big, Huge Web of Interrelated, Almost-Middle-Aged Stuck

Wow, Vicki.  Seems like you are in the middle of a real life transition.  I believe the issue may be “How Do You Change Your Current Life Structure?”.  Here is something interesting advice that comes Daniel Levinson on Adult Development. 

Structure Building and Structure Changing Periods of the Adult Life Cycle:

In the adult life cycle there are alternating series of life structure-building and life structure-changing periods.   A life structure is considered the underlying pattern or design of a person's life at a given time.  The major components of a life structure are the person's relationships with others in the external world (a person, a group, institution, culture, a particular object or place).  A significant relationship involves the investment of self (desires, values, commitment, energy, skill), a reciprocal investment by the other person or entity, and one or more soical contexts that contain the relationship, shaping it and becoming a part of it.  Every relationship has periods of stability and change as it evolves over time, and it has different functions in a person's life as the life structure itself changes.

 The main task in a structure building period is to form a life structure and enhance one's life within it. We have to make certain key choices, form the structure around it, and pursue our values and goals within the structure.  A life structure-building period lasts between 5-7 years, 10 at the most.  Once there is stability in the life structure, a decision to modify it will become prominent. 

Given the information about your situation, you are in need of a new life structure and so you need a transitional period in order to terminate the current life structure you've already built.  In the life structure changing (transitional) period, the primary tasks includes:

1) Reappraisal - At this point, you should be thinking about what needs to go and what should stay in your life.  If a relationship or job can be salvaged and brought into the new life structure with you, then consider that as a possibility.  If not, then it may be time to let it go.  Also, consider what skills or talents you possess now that can be transferred into a new job situation.  You may have to consider down-sizing for a moment with the intention of moving on up at a later date.

2.) Exploration - Develop some possibilities to explore.  New career? Temporary or contract work? Job transfer to NYC with current employer?  If Self-Employed (Any network contacts, business development in NYC from current home base?)

3.) Commitment - Must begin to make crucial choices and stick by those choices.  This means having the courage to make the investment of your self into your dreams.  Rather than saying “Well, one day I'll….” then actually do something about it - maybe actually visit NYC and hire a real estate agent to begin looking for housing.  Take steps to line up a job.  Find resources on the Internet to assist in relocation costs.

Remember, a transitional phase can last up to 5 years.  So, you have plenty of time to make the transition into a new life if you take the steps outlined above.  I wish you the best on your journey.

 Leilani

Re: A Big, Huge Web of Interrelated, Almost-Middle-Aged Stuck

wow!

You have a lot of life changing decisions on your plate.  I always work from the bottom up.  Economic survival first and foremost and then weave in as much follow your dream as possible.     



~Good Luck~