Gaia: Getting UnStuck - Name Your STUCK...

Jumping in With Both Feet

http://housedraconis.gaia.com — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 01:20:36 GMT

I believe my STUCK, in part, hinges in a lack of creativity at the moment. We have made a huge step in bettering ourselves and our futures by enrolling in college. We feel great about our decision and know that doing this together increases our chances of finishing the schooling we need. The STUCK part is, we are running into one brick wall after another in trying to figure out the financial aspect of things, little things like living expenses. We recently found out that just because we are now college students we could lose our foodstamps. The figures say that just to pay for the basic living expenses we have here, my husband would need to hold down two full time jobs in addition to full time schooling just to make ends meet, until I can acquire my driver's license and lighten that load. It seems drastically overwhelming, and seems that there should be more out there to assist people in bettering their lives, but I cannot find it anywhere. I think part of it really has to do with the fact, I need to let go of so desperately needing to know the how of things being okay. I am simply at a loss. This is of course a big reason I feel fortunate to have found this message board. It gives me a place to feel connected and not so out of touch. It allows me to keep some focus on what is good and right in our lives right now and relieves some of the pressure involved in trying to figure out how we will continue to support our children while bettering ourselves through education.

Thanks for listening, it means a lot.

My stuck doesn't exist!

http://touchthesky.gaia.com — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 12:07:38 GMT

I have been my own stuck. I have held myself back. I have let myself go. But I have recently learned that in order for me to feel full, I need to let go all of my self inflicted "stucks" and allow my dreams to flow through me and through my life. I haven't really reached any goals (except the car goal, yea!!!) but I already feel lifted. Be well!

SIDS

http://lovagethetrees.gaia.com — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 01:01:52 GMT

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Many parents are stuck as to why or how SIDS occur. That question was always in the back of my mind. I have 11 neices and nephews - none of whom have died from SIDS- but neither one of them have ever slept in a crib. My family doesn't believe in cribs. I always suspected that it was something in the baby's mattress that had something to do with SIDS, it's just never been proven. A healthy baby does not just fall asleep and die. There's something strange about that. Well, my suspicions seems to be true. I've been reading more and more about baby mattresses since I'm going to have a baby and what I've found is this: Chemical compounds containing phosphorus, arsenic and antimony have been added to mattresses as fire retardants and for other purposes since the early 1950's. A fungus that commonly grows in bedding can interact with these chemicals to create poisonous gases (Richardson 1994). These heavier-than-air gases are concentrated in a thin layer on the baby's mattress or are diffused away and dissipated into the surrounding atmosphere. If a baby breathes or absorbs a lethal dose of the gases, the central nervous system shuts down, stopping breathing and then heart function. These gases can fatally poison a baby, without waking the sleeping baby and without any struggle by the baby. A normal autopsy would not reveal any sign that the baby was poisoned (Sprott 1996).
If you google "PBDE and SIDS" you will find an abundance of resources on the issue.
Hope this helps people get unstuck. It helped me. I'm going organic cotton or wool. Cut the other bull out.

SIDS

http://lovagethetrees.gaia.com — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 01:01:48 GMT

Trying to see the light through the stuck

http://RockCandy.gaia.com — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 17:15:17 GMT

Hi everyone! Call me Verily. It means truly or very much so. Which I am . Anything that I am, I am very much so. Anyway I have had a magical life full of miracles and spiritual awakenings. Truly I can't complain but here I am anyway, STUCK. I am a 39 yr old. Single, disabled mother. Two of my children have some mental challenges of their own. They are boys 16 and 18. I also have an eight yr old daughter progressing normally. Believe it or not none of these thing are why I am stuck (though have been at times). I have learned to grow from these experiences. The problem is that it seems to me that for a while now EVERYTHING has gone awry. I realize that there must be a lesson for me in all this but I'm so busy hurting I can't see the miracle yet.

One of my disabilities was a sleep disorder that I dealt with for many years. I couldn't stay awake. Well finally it is being treated and I decided to finish my education (which I had started many years ago). I applied, registered for and got the classes I wanted, paid for and went to orientation, And applied for the disability tuition waiver (as they have no low income tuition waiver here).

Meanwhile, my mothers health deteriorated (partly due to the way she treats her body) and even though I am disabled (I have a lot of bone and back problems), I found myself the only one in the house who was doing any contributing to the upkeep. Needless to say I got behind because I can't do the work of a person without my challenges. What upset me the most about this situation was that my mom's only duty was the kitchen. I did laundry, shopped , cooked and whatever else there was to do. When she couldn't do her part anymore but she could walk to the store for cigs, I decided I couldn't live like that. I asked her to move out (I didn't kick her out I explained that I couldn't do the work of five people while I was going to school.) She did go and things are a little easier there. Except for financially as she had more income per person.

While I'm trying to take care of things at home and get my kids to appointments and such , I'm also taking placement tests, going to orientation and tons of school related things. I called to fins out if there was anything else that they needed for my tuition waiver to be approved and they said it was denied because I was a "non-degree seeking student". I was not and they said it didn't matter they wouldn't be looked at again until spring semester. So basically I can't go this semester. I know it probably doesn't seem like much but I cried for days. I really wanted to get started. I HAD MY CLASSES! Now I have to drop my classes and try again next semester.

That is just one way that I'm stuck. I've been trying to get that peace of mind back that I used to have. For instance there was a time (when I had a car) that if my car broke down I would just hitchhike out of there and get it towed all smiles and that's life. Now, I have so many proverbial cars breaking down, I'm finding peace of mind difficult at best.

Sorry to go on like this, but really Zaadzters are the only ones that I have to talk to. At least until I get into school and get some peers. Thank you to any who read this and double for any replies. I know there's some of you who can totally relate.

                       Love and Light to All,
                             Verily

P.S. If you read this post in the Welcome topics, I only reposted here because you get less feedback through the welcome spots. So sorry for the waste of space. Thanks for reading.

Re: Just whining...

http://meowashleymeow.gaia.com — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 06:54:48 GMT

Thank you otter, I appreciate the sentiment and advice.

I agree, its a good idea to take pleasure in minor achievements as baby steps, although people at cocktail parties certainly aren't as interested in it as I am either! ^_^ Although I would bet that most of them are no less stuck than us :)

After writing the post I decided to take a leap, so I quit my desk job and found a job waitressing. It pays less than what I make now, but I realized that if I can just make 5 dollars in tips an hour I would make up the difference between the 2 jobs and have extra leftover, and since I'm going to have more than 1 table an hour I'll actually be making more. Why didn't I just start waiting tables to begin with? :) So that is a consolation to get me started. I'm going to try to take small pleasures in the time being to help ready myself for the extra push I'm going to need to get started in school this fall and get back on track to doing something that I want to do...I'll just have to see where the first step takes me. ^_^

Re: Just whining...

http://ottermakesasplash.gaia.com — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 00:12:32 GMT

Dear Just Whining . . .

Thanks for your open and honest post. Believe it or not, you are a member of a large club. It seems like a contradiction to be "spiritual" and "stuck" at the same time. In fact, I would suggest it's the newest way to be "in the closet." Have you ever been at a class or meeting with others who are "on the path" only to feel like you're the only person in the room who missed the "bliss train?" I've been there, done that and have a whole closet full of tee-shirts to prove it.

Six years ago I had a spiritual transformation. I had been in a crippling depression, and after months of journaling, meditation and facing my worst fears, it lifted. Things seemed to happen effortlessly and magically after that for close to a year. Whatever I put my mind to manifested itself. I was at peace with myself and the world. Then, something completely unexpected happened - the depression returned. It wasn't as hard to handle as before, because I was left with the understanding that everything happens for a reason (even if what is happening to you at the time seems like the furthest thing from making any sense at all). What was harder to handle was the "stuckness" as you call it. The grindingly, mundane, day-to-day stuckness. A beige kinda life, when deep inside you crave colors. There is a magical, addictive, almost manic quality to bliss. Cleaning the toilet and paying the bills can't complete with it.

You can take my advice or leave it as you wish. First of all, embrace and celebrate your inner whiner. When you are spiritually aware, as you are, one becomes super sensitive to those whiny, overly-analytical voices in our heads. They are showing us the way out of our stuckness. They are showing us why we are stuck in the first place. Taking risks is scary. Changing jobs. Going back to school. Investing in a restaurant. Deciding to have children. These are all risky propositions. Sometimes we lose money. Relationships - even with our beloved children - go sour. It hurts to fail. Sometimes we get stuck because we fear failure. Sometimes our stuckness comes from fearing pain and failure so much that we don't let ourselves dream of a life different than the one which is currently driving us crazy. ("better the rut you know" syndrome).

I've been "stuck" now for three years. Recently, I have learned to see the gifts in this "stuckness." What it has given me is an appreciation for my small accomplishments - taking care of my kids and the house, etc. It makes for ragingly boring conversation at a cocktail party though, but what-the-heh! My stuckness has made me more humble. I don't have all the answers. I don't think I ever will. I thought I did when I had my "awakening." Now I see that everything thing you do which nurtures yourself, others and the planet in a quiet, positive way counts just as much as things which attract more attention. Compassion is an easy word to say, it's harder to put into action, especially when it comes to ourselves.

Best of luck with your intention to live a fulfilling life, and to become a parent some day. The best gift you can give your future children is to be true to yourself and to your dreams. Love starts with you and blossoms out to include others. Loving your stuckness is a good place to start. (and true bliss isn't a feeling, it's simply seeing abundance in all things - even in cleaning toilets).

Eternal Love Always,
Otter (Catherine)

Just whining...

http://meowashleymeow.gaia.com — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 21:06:15 GMT

This last year has held a lot of changes in my life for me. I got out of a miserable dead end relationship, re-connected with a friend from my youth who I then married in October, went vegan this spring cold-turkey (heh heh, per se....) after never having considered it before, and lost a pregnancy. I developed several vitamin deficiencies because throughout some of the morning sickness and eventual depression over the lost baby I stopped eating regularly for a large period of time. So now I am B12 and omega-3 deficient. Basically everything hurts all the time and I am tired and have headaches, and because of the loss of natural oils my eyes are always dry and in pain. Bleh. I know I need to eat better and take multi vitamins regularly, but I'm a wuss when it comes to taking pills so I've been skipping... as soon as I get around to the vitamin store I'm going to start taking flax seed oil and protein shakes with vitamins daily, so hopefully I'll be able to get out of the bad health portion of my stuckness.

The real reason I feel stuck right now doesn't have anything to do with my health, except that not feeling well or motivated has a big impact on how much change I make in my life to get myself unstuck.

The problem is that I want to have a great future with my husband, but he isn't going to be the one to get me there, I am. And I have all of these dreams of having kids and raising them well on vegan and organic food (but how can I take care of kids that way when I can't even take care of myself), living somewhere in a house outside of the city that is peaceful to me (but I'm 21 and my credit is already shot...), and either having a job with a lot of flexibility or having my husband have a good enough job that I could stay home often with my children (but my husband isn't looking to get a degree and he still is unsure of what he wants to do with himself, so I'm going to have to get myself there). Don't get me wrong, I love my husband. He's fantastic and I am so glad that we found each other, but I think he and I just have different ways of reaching our goals.

I hate my job right now. I'm in accounting, which is not what I ever wanted to do, but it pays well enough for now. However I'm getting carpal tunnel sydrome and back problem from sitting and typing all day. Ideally I would like to go to culinary arts school, become a chef, pay my way through some small business classes and evetually open up a vegetarian restaurant. But everything seems so far away right now, and so expensive and so unsure. And I'm concerned that if I get into the chef thing I'll be too stressed by such a demanding job that I'll feel worse than I do now and in the event that I do become pregnant again before I am in the position to have a child I'm afraid that I'll end up having to be the one working to support our family while my husband stays home, which isn't what I want. And what if I'm never able to open my own business, as many people who dream of doing so aren't, and am stuck as some line cook for the rest of my life?

I'm considering trying to find a safer career path that will be more certain and will be able to provide for a future family better, but I don't even know where to start as there are not many things that I am passionate about. And I'm nervous about leaving the job I'm at now to waitress and put myself through school, even though I hate it here.

I guess I would just really like to hear the advice or encouragement of someone who has been through this kind of stuff before.

^_^ Thanks for listening to my rant!

Re: A Big, Huge Web of Interrelated, Almost-Middle-Aged Stuck

http://rainbow.gaia.com — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 15:11:30 GMT

wow!

You have a lot of life changing decisions on your plate. I always work from the bottom up. Economic survival first and foremost and then weave in as much follow your dream as possible.

~Good Luck~

Re: What's the secret?

http://trudi.gaia.com — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 18:02:38 GMT

I'm going to try something a bit new.

One of my biggest goals is to launch a radically new magazine. I'm going to start up a pre-magazine website and blog about the process of getting a business started while building a readership and support for the upcoming magazine.

That will make me more accountable to someone else rather than just to me and light that proverbial fire under my patoot.

Re: What's the secret?

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:47:13 GMT

I hear ya, Trudi!

What I'm discovering is the value of having focus. Having ONE focus. One focus that all other things feed into. I constantly remind myself throughout the day of that focus and how whatever I'm doing relates to it. My focus is something that is motivating - it gets me out of bed, reminds me to eat (which I need to do now), and makes me a happier person. If the task I'm undertaking is not relevant to my focus, chances are I shouldn't be doing it, or it's a non-important, no-urgent thing that is keeping me from doing other important and urgent things!

My focus lately has been: Be the change. Be the change I want to see in others. If I can't make the change within myself, how can I expect others to?

Happy days to you,
Suebee

What's the secret?

http://trudi.gaia.com — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 12:59:32 GMT

I blogged this morning about my lack of folow through and my inability to commit and acually do the things that will make me successful in my life.

TALK ABOUT BEING STUCK!

I am a great starter. Not a great middler and I've never been an ender. I don't know how to perservere, to maintain momentum, to keep a plan going. Actually, what I don't know how to do is do it alone. I *think* that if I have a partner who is equallypassionate and committed, I will follow through along side them, but I'm not even sure that is true or just an excuse for not doing it alone.

What does the rest of the world know that I don't?

Re: A Big, Huge Web of Interrelated, Almost-Middle-Aged Stuck

http://leilanichock.gaia.com — Sat, 15 Jul 2006 19:22:43 GMT

Wow, Vicki. Seems like you are in the middle of a real life transition. I believe the issue may be "How Do You Change Your Current Life Structure?". Here is something interesting advice that comes Daniel Levinson on Adult Development.

Structure Building and Structure Changing Periods of the Adult Life Cycle:

In the adult life cycle there are alternating series of life structure-building and life structure-changing periods. A life structure is considered the underlying pattern or design of a person's life at a given time. The major components of a life structure are the person's relationships with others in the external world (a person, a group, institution, culture, a particular object or place). A significant relationship involves the investment of self (desires, values, commitment, energy, skill), a reciprocal investment by the other person or entity, and one or more soical contexts that contain the relationship, shaping it and becoming a part of it. Every relationship has periods of stability and change as it evolves over time, and it has different functions in a person's life as the life structure itself changes.

The main task in a structure building period is to form a life structure and enhance one's life within it. We have to make certain key choices, form the structure around it, and pursue our values and goals within the structure. A life structure-building period lasts between 5-7 years, 10 at the most. Once there is stability in the life structure, a decision to modify it will become prominent.

Given the information about your situation, you are in need of a new life structure and so you need a transitional period in order to terminate the current life structure you've already built. In the life structure changing (transitional) period, the primary tasks includes:

1) Reappraisal - At this point, you should be thinking about what needs to go and what should stay in your life. If a relationship or job can be salvaged and brought into the new life structure with you, then consider that as a possibility. If not, then it may be time to let it go. Also, consider what skills or talents you possess now that can be transferred into a new job situation. You may have to consider down-sizing for a moment with the intention of moving on up at a later date.

2.) Exploration - Develop some possibilities to explore. New career? Temporary or contract work? Job transfer to NYC with current employer? If Self-Employed (Any network contacts, business development in NYC from current home base?)

3.) Commitment - Must begin to make crucial choices and stick by those choices. This means having the courage to make the investment of your self into your dreams. Rather than saying "Well, one day I'll...." then actually do something about it - maybe actually visit NYC and hire a real estate agent to begin looking for housing. Take steps to line up a job. Find resources on the Internet to assist in relocation costs.

Remember, a transitional phase can last up to 5 years. So, you have plenty of time to make the transition into a new life if you take the steps outlined above. I wish you the best on your journey.

Leilani

The Second Act for 2006

http://leilanichock.gaia.com — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 20:12:17 GMT

I had to respond to the email I received from jodi about reevaluating what has already happened in the first act of 2006 and deciding what should be done for the second act. Actually, I had to come here and vent because my life has been blow apart. I knew it was coming though. Last year, I had a dream (i'm really into that whole dream analysis thing) where I saw myself standing in an amphitheater like those in Ancient Greece and I looked up at the stars in the sky and they turned into constellations. Then the constellations turned into Hera and Zeus. And they pointed at me and Zeus threw a thunderbolt in my direction. I saw this flash of light streaking across the sky and then I was having a tarot card reading and the outcome was the "Tower" card. I actually wrote this nightmarish dream in my journal for December 2005. I thought my dreamed warned me of a possible catastrophe for the upcoming year. And, I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop off.

Well, my life actually turned out that way...I've had a financial crisis, my family member was stricken with an illness, I lost a job unexpectedly, my family member lost a job. I felt like I should just hide and wallow in my depression. But, then I thought I would come here to tell you all what happened so far.

Everything that I went through and am still going through is probably nothing worse than what other people have gone through before me. I was actually afraid to see what was going to happen to me this year but I realized that my life was ready for some type of cataclysmic changes mostly of an internal nature. I even thought I had done something wrong...maybe I deserved this.

Then one day I was reading through a mythology book about Native American folk tales on White Buffalo Calf Woman and some of the underlying assumptions of the Sioux for understanding their worldview. The assumptions that were helpful to me including the following:

1.) Conflict and challenge in life is inevitable.

2.) The world is full of contradiction.

3.) It is necessary to accept loss without diminishing the ability to live.

4.) We should strive to complete responsibly what the spirits initiate.

Then I saw what my life was really saying to me. People don't always get what they deserve. Life can be hard, tough, and downright unfair but I don't have to wallow in self-pity and I can still get up and continue to live life.

I wrote in my journal that I awoke one morning and rather than roll over in abject disgust, I put on my clothes, fixed my hair really pretty, and put a little make up on my face and went out for a walk with my dog in the neighborhood. I marvelled at the beautiful sunrise, and the birds singing, and the wind on my skin. I actually felt happy that I was alive to see the next morning (that's because I had just went through my dark night).

As for my ominous "Tower" Tarot Card and Lightening Bolt Dream, I analyzed that one again and realized that I was in for a spiritual awakening and that the status quo was getting ready to change. The old way of doing things is being destroyed in my life and will soon be replaced with a new structure. I took this to mean that my life structure is going to change unexpectedly and dramatically in the long term but in the short term I was going to be under a lot of stress. The last time I had a shakeup like this one was during 9/11 and at the time I was under the "age 30 crisis" that Daniel Levinson discusses as a part of the adult lifecycle transformation. I almost had a nervous breakdown during that time period. At that time, in my early 30's, I questioned everything about who I thought I was.

And now, the same thing is happening. I'm having to question where am I going and why am I on this path and what will I be doing in the future. I had to reevaluate my relationship with my parents and other family members since we have so many boundary and codependency issues to deal with. I still haven't worked this out completely yet but at least I have a prelude to the second act. If I had to name the second act for 2006 it would be..."How Do We End, So I Can Begin?"

A Big, Huge Web of Interrelated, Almost-Middle-Aged Stuck

http://transcendentvoyage.gaia.com — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 19:22:18 GMT

Yes, the subject line says it all. I'm trying to figure out several things at once now. What's next in this next phase of my life. Should I follow my adult-long dream of living in NYC? Is that still a dream of mine? I still and probably always will love the energy there, but housing costs are almost undoable (unless I'm lucky and/or resourceful). Should my next home be rented (if I move to NYC to get to know the area first) or bought (if I stay in the DC area)?

I'm torn b/c I really need a change, more space, a yard/greenery, new experiences, something sustaining and not just transient, a future somewhere with somebody. Yet, this is the best time to move to NYC if I'm ever going to do it due to no real ties here, some savings, no car or parents health issues to worry about, etc.

Then there's the boyfriend issue (no future--at least in the short-term--possible with him, yet a very deep soul connection), the part-time business issue (how will I find time to do this and work full-time? I'm not ready to give up the monetary security and health insureance of a ft job right now.)

I'm trying to figure out what is most important to me now and go with that, but it's hard since everything seems important. And these decisions are major and will be a turning point in my life.

Any advice/suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Vicki : )

Re: stuck

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 11:14:54 GMT

Tony,

I can completely relate to being on an upward "life is wonderful" path and then taking inventory a few weeks or months later and wondering, "what just happened"?

I had a life altering experience last October and now realize that for several months, I was flying high on endorphins. Oh - to be alive! Once the wonder of it all wore off, I discovered that for most intents and purposes, I am the same person. I have moments of grandeur where I begin anew to spread the word of life, but then my own life gets in the way, and I forget again.

The only words of wisdom and advice I can think to share have to do with taking a personal inventory - trying to figure out the difference between then and now. Trying to discover what is causing your malaise. And then, of course, once you know the root of it - combat it with all you've got.

Consider yourself (gently) kicked!

Suebee

stuck

http://tonyd.gaia.com — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 03:38:33 GMT

stuck......yes that could describe me to a T. i've taken new directions in my life and at the beginning the flow was fabulous. the glass was full. somewhere along the way it must have developed a crack and my enthusiasm has been a steady leak. i know it takes time to grow in whatever path i choose. these past three months have been a complete standstill. a swift kick in the pants might be in order.

on a positive note ... the Universe pointed me toward zaadz, which brought me to you lovely people.

happy day

-tony

Re: Stuck in the middle with you--long question

http://lisapal.gaia.com — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 15:40:16 GMT

Hi Sueebee,

I like how you stated this. I also am in the process of getting unstuck. Only I can make myself stuck and only I can get myself unstuck. I've been making a conscious effort to honor myself each day and do what I need to do for me. I'm also trying very hard to take it one day at a time. I've ended a three year relationship with a man, we were totally in limbo...I now realize our paths are no longer side by side and if I am to be truly happy I need to follow my own path-wherever that may lead me.

Re: Stuck in the middle with you--long question

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 22:44:36 GMT

Hello, everyone. This is my first response on Zaadz, so I hope I don't mess it up!

This Pod attracted me right away - when have I NOT felt stuck on _something_?

One really big sticking point was with a member of my family of chance (therapy talking). After many years of pondering and questioning and inactivity, I finally made a decision. I wanted OFF the roller-coaster. I didn't want to drain my energy anymore. I didn't want negative memories and thoughts to cloud the peaceful existence I am creating for myself. I am fortunate enough to be geographically displaced form this person. One letter was all it took. I felt infinitely better once I dropped it in the mailbox, but of course, then the anxiety set in as to what the reaction and response (if any) would be.

I received a reply - but I am honoring and respecting myself by not 'jumping' on it. I have set my boundary - and someone else can push and shove to break through it - but ultimately, it is what I want for my life that will 'win'.

I am nothing to anyone else if I am not true to myself.

Slowly unsticking myself, Suebee

Re: First, Clarify Your Values

http://jenn.gaia.com — Thu, 15 Jun 2006 03:12:45 GMT

Thanks for the suggestions. I actually just ended my engegement to my fiancee a few weeks ago, after much soul-searching. And, although I'm not perfect at it yet, I feel a lot more unstuck in other areas of my life too. I find it rather remarkable that one thing like that could transfer to so many others in my life as well, and really make me feel perpetually stuck. I'm still not the most decisive person around, and I need to work on the some more, but I do, somehow, feel quite a bit better about a lot of things. I did really like both comments on defining what I value and on considering the idea that any decision could be the best one, and even that I could make it so. They did help as I was trying to make this decision, and gave me some grounding and hope. Thank you.