Trying to see the light through the stuck

http://RockCandy.gaia.com — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 17:15:17 GMT

Hi everyone! Call me Verily. It means truly or very much so. Which I am . Anything that I am, I am very much so. Anyway I have had a magical life full of miracles and spiritual awakenings. Truly I can't complain but here I am anyway, STUCK. I am a 39 yr old. Single, disabled mother. Two of my children have some mental challenges of their own. They are boys 16 and 18. I also have an eight yr old daughter progressing normally. Believe it or not none of these thing are why I am stuck (though have been at times). I have learned to grow from these experiences. The problem is that it seems to me that for a while now EVERYTHING has gone awry. I realize that there must be a lesson for me in all this but I'm so busy hurting I can't see the miracle yet.

One of my disabilities was a sleep disorder that I dealt with for many years. I couldn't stay awake. Well finally it is being treated and I decided to finish my education (which I had started many years ago). I applied, registered for and got the classes I wanted, paid for and went to orientation, And applied for the disability tuition waiver (as they have no low income tuition waiver here).

Meanwhile, my mothers health deteriorated (partly due to the way she treats her body) and even though I am disabled (I have a lot of bone and back problems), I found myself the only one in the house who was doing any contributing to the upkeep. Needless to say I got behind because I can't do the work of a person without my challenges. What upset me the most about this situation was that my mom's only duty was the kitchen. I did laundry, shopped , cooked and whatever else there was to do. When she couldn't do her part anymore but she could walk to the store for cigs, I decided I couldn't live like that. I asked her to move out (I didn't kick her out I explained that I couldn't do the work of five people while I was going to school.) She did go and things are a little easier there. Except for financially as she had more income per person.

While I'm trying to take care of things at home and get my kids to appointments and such , I'm also taking placement tests, going to orientation and tons of school related things. I called to fins out if there was anything else that they needed for my tuition waiver to be approved and they said it was denied because I was a "non-degree seeking student". I was not and they said it didn't matter they wouldn't be looked at again until spring semester. So basically I can't go this semester. I know it probably doesn't seem like much but I cried for days. I really wanted to get started. I HAD MY CLASSES! Now I have to drop my classes and try again next semester.

That is just one way that I'm stuck. I've been trying to get that peace of mind back that I used to have. For instance there was a time (when I had a car) that if my car broke down I would just hitchhike out of there and get it towed all smiles and that's life. Now, I have so many proverbial cars breaking down, I'm finding peace of mind difficult at best.

Sorry to go on like this, but really Zaadzters are the only ones that I have to talk to. At least until I get into school and get some peers. Thank you to any who read this and double for any replies. I know there's some of you who can totally relate.

                       Love and Light to All,
                             Verily

P.S. If you read this post in the Welcome topics, I only reposted here because you get less feedback through the welcome spots. So sorry for the waste of space. Thanks for reading.

Gaia: Getting UnStuck - Name Your STUCK... - Trying to see the light through the stuck

Trying to see the light through the stuck