Inner Life de-cluttering strategies?

I'm so glad we started this voluntary simplicity pod.  I'd been practically ignoring inner simplicity, thinking I needed to get the outer under control first, but this group has gotten me to see that it may be the other way around.

Peter's post the other day about asking what we really want and eliminating some of the excess really stuck with me.  

I think I've identified what I want and what is clutter, but I'm having a hard time 'throwing things out'.  My biggest hangup is this: I don't want to let people down. 

Whenever I make a comment, saying that I'll do something or I'd like to do something, I then feel obligated to do it.  It weighs on me and becomes a burden.  Often I find that the other person doesn't even remember my comment/promise; I've been stressing over nothing.

Do you, Peter, or anyone have tips for overcoming this?  Perhaps I need to just accept that I will disappoint people sometimes?  I think I'm afraid that may be the answer.

Re: Inner Life de-cluttering strategies?

Haha, this happens to me all the time!  Declaring some future-action to people that don't even remember the 'unofficia' obligation.  I still do try to use those around me to hold myself to things I really want to do, but it's tricky when the moment comes, and it just isn't right anymore.

Not the best example, but at least a recent one:

My first night on my recent Vegas trip, a little tipsy coming back from a bar, we saw this $400 rock/mineral inlayed globe thingy in a store. It was pretty, but completely non-practical.  Well, in my inebriated state, I proudly declared “If I win $400 on this trip, I'm Buyin' that globe!!”  Everyone said they'd make me stick to it.

Next thing I know, holding $400 in winnings a couple days later, I'm looking at this globe and thinking “But…but i don't want to buy a stupid globe!”  And I decided that I was not a slave to my past.  We had a nice dinner, instead.

So, I guess I take it on a case-to-case basis. Just because I went back on one thing, doesn't mean I get to go back on another.  I think there's always room for negotiation with past “assumed-obligations”.  It's a great tool to be used (it's made me to stick to more good than bad!), but it don't gotta be a final sentence.

Re: Inner Life de-cluttering strategies?

That's a great example of what I'm talking about, ROb.  I think I probably would not have bought the globe, but I would have spent the next several days feeling bad about not keeping my word, thinking that the other people were thinking less of me (though knowing that was irrational). 

You're right about taking it on a case-by-case basis, of course, in some cases it is good to stick to our word.  But, yeah, sometimes it's not.  If only I could keep that in mind.

If I don't keep it in mind from here on out, I'll shave my head.  ; )

Re: Inner Life de-cluttering strategies?

I've always had trouble with this.

I think the answer to it is written into your post. It seems that people are either too caught up in thinking about themselves to remember your promise or they recognize it as a passing thought. The turbulence lies in our own thoughts about it.

One of the things that has helped me is to recognize the state of mind I have each time I make an empty promise (sort of like a caffeine-induced excitement and over-enthusiasm) and to leave space (i.e. be silent) when I would have spoken. I find silence to be the best answer to many things.

Also, I've disappointed many people in my life and I'm starting to realize that dissapointing someone is a teaching moment and that I need to be grateful for the oppurtunity to know a little more about myself.

 Pete

Re: Inner Life de-cluttering strategies?

We all have trouble with this.  I have PLENTY of trouble with this on bad days.  That said, I think the title of your pod says a lot.  VOLUNTARY simplicity.  There is no reason to be making promises to anybody.  There is no reason we should be enforcing our choices on others  or judging them by our standards either when our ideal will not always apply and is not always the best way for everyone.  We chose to simplify, to one degree or another, because we recognize how it frees us to live more clearly, and effectively.  That's why I do, anyway.  Simplifying slows me down and allows me to experience life at a speed in which I can savor it more fully and appreciate more deeply.  Again, that said, my own version of simplifying my life is quite different than the views of many others who post here, but no better or worse.

Feel good within yourself/yourselves for the positive changes you are making that change your life for the positive and affect positive change in others.  No self critism, no judgment, no guilt needed.  I'll keep working on it too.